Taken Advantage of?
Do you ever feel that your skids and their bio parents rely on you for their needs? Since school has started, the skids have used my house as a glorified bus stop. Their dad lives in another district so on his weeks, he drops them off in the morning and picks them up in the afternoon. Every single morning they are there scouring for food. Every single afternoon they are there scouring for food. Every single morning when I walk out of my room, SS13 is there zoned out on his Xbox. Every single day when I come home from work, there lies the trash wake of their afternoon feeding..... Im starting to feel taken advantage of. I voiced my concern to my fiance, their mom and her view point is, she doesnt want them to go hungry... Well, ok and she said she would pay for their snacks and tell their dad to start buying their snacks to keep at the house...... Neither has happened. Snacks just arent bought. They will devour cold left overs right out of the tupperware. Sometimes I question whether biodad even feeds skids or relys on my kitchen to do it for him....
Not to mention the fact that I get the enjoyment of chancing the face to face run in with bio dad EVERY SINGLE FN DAY.....
Find a more considerate
Find a more considerate woman. (Amen, notasm)
In the meantime, let your refrigerator go empty. You eat out for awhile. Let mom and kids fend for themselves. See how mom takes this. Does she consider it your duty to feed HER kids? **Warning, Will Robinson! Warning, Will Robinson!!!**
I have the same at my house,
I have the same at my house, SS and SD come home after school to wait for BM, they eat up all the food, leave a MESS of glasses and crumb and trash behind for me to clean up and...since no one is home, they eat food on the couch, which is NEVER allowed! I bought the couch 9 months ago and had to scrub 12 stains off it already because SD eats and eats and eats on it! Even after being "talked to" or so DH calls it MANY times...
My resolve...I stopped buying snacks. I buy 2 bags a week and 1 box of cereal...That is bought on Thursday and its gone by Friday after school...I can't afford their food! These kids eat 3 packages of ritz crackers in one sitting and then warm up left overs on top of that then eat a full dinner usually with seconds!
RUN FOR THE
RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok maybe not... or maybe yes.... }:) its only going to get worst...
My DH is a very mellow guy, when he and I were dating his apartment was a ...well shit hole, and his BD9 room was a mix between messy toys and trash... my house? you will think I am an OCD crazy person, but I am the kind of mom that fixes the bed every morning, kitchen is clean every nite and my kids are the same way, my kids are not allowed to have toys in their rooms other than One stuffed animal, they have a toy room, and they can do whatever they want there, as long as every single toy in a toy box at the end of the day. PERIOD... well then I married him, and with him, his daugther's dirty underwear, a 9 year mold that cannot fix a bed, and that keeps her room like a dumpster... leave a lone that she eats 3 times more than everyone else, she shoves food in her mouth and for some odd reasons sticks her tonge into every single glass of milk or juice when drinking...WTH????
I feel like my DH takes advantage of me because I provide for him and his kid the "picture perfect" pretty house and wives that cooks...I feel he knows I will always try my best in everything and he uses me as a nanny and a cook
As another poster here has as
As another poster here has as her tagline, some are not looking for love, they are looking for HELP! Most notably FINANCIAL help for their previously enjoyed family.
RUNNN!!
Sounds like they have 50/50
Sounds like they have 50/50 EOW. That's not fraud. They could go to school in either mom or dad's area.
Their mom and I get along
Their mom and I get along great. I love her more than anyone I have before. Though it may seem like it to me from time to time, I really dont believe she sees our relationship as one of "support" for her kids. I really just think shes between a rock and a hard place and shes frustrated with it all. Biodad absolutely loves to lay on the guilt, though and shes not strong enough to tell him off. When shes tries to, it ends in an argument and I have instructed her to not engage in an argument with him to prevent his use of profanity with her. So I think she just takes the path of least resistance and that is to let the kids come and go and eat..... Biodad, on the other hand, I 100% believe he uses this to his advantage and Im not so sure how much more I can take and how exactly to address it.
As far as locking the doors, they have a key. As far as not buying snacks, we only buy them at the beginning of their normal week and my snacks are always locked in my own cupboard. : ) but that doesnt stop the feeding.
As for the legality of their home for school purposes, I dont believe any documents were falsified.
How do you deal with a biodad who wants to use you and a SO who just cant take dealing with them anymore? There is a reason they are divorced.... AND without necessarily taking it out on the kids?
Tell your woman you don't
Tell your woman you don't feel comfortable with the kids being there during bio dad's parenting time if she's not there to supervise. I get that she feels she is helping her kids by allowing this, but it is encroaching on your privacy and making you uncomfortable in your own home. My DH decided he would help my SD's BM by letting her drop SD off at our house a few mornings a week so we could drop her at school. I told DH that's fine, so long as he handles it all--answering the door, etc--and that BM brings her over fed and ready for the day (she used to bring her over in pjs having not had breakfast during her parenting time)...it was all good and fine. Well, DH had a change in work schedule which meant he would not be available to do this. I had made it very clear to him before (after I had been used by him and BM) that I will do no favors for BM, so he had to tell her to make other arrangements. It's called parenting, and BM, like the BioDad in your life, needed to handle her shit during her time.
Put your foot down or THIS. WILL. ONLY. GET. WORSE.
I don't think the BioMother
I don't think the BioMother tries to take advantage of me because is and never was on the scene. She is off living many states away with another set of 3 children that she has spawned... :jawdrop:
I know that DHs parents used to take advantage of me when I first came on the scene....can you watch the girls I have to do housework yada yada yada...now that they hate my guts and think I am Joan Crawford, not so much.
I KNOW FOR A FACT that DH TRIES to take advantage of me...but now that I am disengaged from SKIDS I just don't allow that to happen
So, this little arrangement
So, this little arrangement really boiled over a few days ago when as I was walking out to go to work, I see biodad sitting in my driveway waiting for SS13. He had dropped him off with SD a few hours earlier so SD can catch the bus. SS walks to school. So, when I see him I have to turn around, go back inside and I find SS plugged in, headphones and all, into his OBOX oblivious to the world. I have to tell him his dad is waiting for him. I dawns on me, WTF was he dropped off in the first place if biodad is just going to come back and pick him up? Was it so he can eat breakfast? So he can just play video games? My house isnt a deli and its not some "drop your kid off for a few hours" arcade...
My fiance could see I was annoyed with it all and I guess she must have said something. SS hasnt been back in the morning all week. Still here in the afternoon, though.
No, I have never felt taken
No, I have never felt taken advantage of. However, my bride was the CP of SS for the entire 17+ years of the CO. We never lived closer than 1200 miles to the Sperm Idiot and Sperm Land so there was almost zero chance of run-ins with that DipShitIot.
We had just about nothing when we married other an my 8yo pickup truck, two apartments full of college furniture, and my fresh engineering degree. My bride was recieving a whopping $110/mo in CS at the time.
Since then we have raised a young man of character together, purchased several homes, cars, completed several additional degrees between us (2BS's and an MBA for her, an MBA for me), completed several professional licenses (CPA for her, PMP for me), and have each had successful careers.
I was the sole income for the first 3 years of our marriage and never once regretted it or felt taken advantage of.