UPDATE to Vacation with step kids and ex wife without me
I posted not too long ago about my partner who was planning to take his kids and exwife on vacation with him for a week while I took PTO from my full-time job to work at our joint retail business. I was not invited. We broke up last night. I think it was supposed to be something we were tying to process and talk about longer but I just couldn't take it any more and packed most of my stuff. I have to go back after work today to get my stuff and also to freaking teach him how to do payroll and orders and what not. It's the most painful thing. His kids are just around and have no idea what's going on, we haven't been too crazy but it's just exhausting and it's going to take more time until I'm completely rid of all this and the buisness. I haven't spoken to a lawyer but just from what my now ex is saying is he wants to be fair but also he has 5 kids so don't screw him over basically. He isn't really a user (I think) or a bad guy. Just dumb and flawed as most humans are. He wants to reconcile with his exwife for the kids sake, he even said if that doesn't work he is ready to just be a single father and be alone. He hates that his kids are split. He was missing something and he thinks it was his kids not all being together with him. He is basically accepting his responsibility for all thoes kids now. He has no intention of just working to get custody or anything just be at the whim of the BM. He said it would have been easy to just stay with me but, his words, "it would be like I'm just using you." He just kept saying this isn't easy for him either, the break up. He said he is risking it all, because he knows he might fail without me, but that all he cares about is his children's happiness. That even if he lost everything his kids will still love him. And just the way he talked about how excited the kids will be to go on vacation with him and their mom, like all he wants is to see thoes smiles. He doesn't think it's confusing, and honestly he's probably right. I kinda hope they reconcile. I just feel broken. But I'll be okay I deserve so much better.
Update:
Omg he just called me and said he thinks that he is just feeling and working through a lot of guilt and that he realized that it can't be all about his kids but that he needs to be happy too. He then said that the vacation should actually just be me, him, and the kids. That it's not as much time anymore but he can make some changes so we can all go.
I told him it's too late. But I just can't believe him, it's like a dream. I'm already moving on. He is too late. I also think he just realized what a big mistake he's made pushing away the only person who was willing to help him. I already told some of my family I broke up with him and am growing my support system up. I can't take him back, it's too late.
Eww why would you want to
Eww why would you want to take him back? More than likely he called his ex and told her his grand plan and she shot him down flat, so he figured he'd come crawling back to you.
He realized the sweet deal he
He realized the sweet deal he has had is about to disappear. Do not teach him how to do payroll before you see a lawyer. Your name is on this busines. You are legally libel for any mistakes he makes and I would not trust him. Do not trust someone to do the correct filings who has said he doesn't want the government in his business.
Get somewhere else to stay. Get your things out. But, stay involved in the business until you get a lawyer to settle the business affairs.
THIS!
The business is in your name. Until it is not, you need to stay involved because you have liability. Speak with a lawyer ASAP.
Good for you for breaking up with him and for not considering taking him back. The fact that he was even thinking about getting back with his ex while he was with you, for whatever reason, is very telling. You're doing the right thing.
Do not allow pity to cloud
Do not allow pity to cloud your decisions. He doesn't want to be screwed over about the business and his five kids were mentioned. Well, YOU don't want to be screwed over either. The business belongs to the two of you, not the six of you. Half is yours. If he contests that, head straight to your lawyer. Frankly, I'd see the lawyer first to be sure that everything is done legally and that all possible loose ends are tied up. You don't want any nasty surprises any time in the future, do you?
Agree.I believe you said,in a
Agree.
I believe you said,in a previous post, that the business is solely in your name. If so, you have all of the liability. You need to see a lawyer yesterday. You should sign nothing, promise nothing. If you were trusting him, the guy who doesn't trust the government, to file the business forms, you may be in for a nasty surprise sooner rather than later. I have a feeling, now that the blinders are off, there is a legal mess awaiting. See a lawyer and have the lawyer guide you in extracting yourself from this mess.
PS
Don't you think that he's been screwing you over for the last 5 years?
Possibly, it's hard to tell
Possibly, it's hard to tell cause my emotions are still attached to the relationship. It's not a nice thought. It may well have been both, real love and than real manipulation and using me. I think he's just dumb and his emotional IQ is shit.
YOU have so much going for
YOU have so much going for you. You do not deserve any of this! You deserve to be with someone who adores you and treats you well. This guy seems to be a mess. His top priority is his kids. He is not ready for a relationship. Don't lower your standards and worth for him.
You are so right. I had lost
You are so right. I had lost my sense of worth awhile back when we began the buisness and the struggles with the hcbm and his kids became worse. I threw myself into working so hard that I couldn't think of anything else.
Stay strong, you really do
Stay strong, you really do deserve better.
Yes I will get through this.
Yes I will get through this. Thank you
Stop listening to anything he has to say about
Stop listening to anything he has to say about the divorce. Contact the top 3 divorce attorneys in town and interview all 3. Pick the one you feel the most comfortable with and start taking their advice. Once he realizes how much his life is going to change both professionally and personally without you in it he is going to become very difficult to deal with. You need to protect yourself.
I don't think they're married
I don't think they're married.
She still needs a lawyer for all of their financial entanglement
She still needs a lawyer for all of their financial entanglements.
Absolutely! I've said that at
Absolutely! I've said that at least three times! And it's not optional.
Glad you've made the decision to leave
Its the right thing for you.
But please, please don't make any business decisions from the point of pity. You need to do all the right things that will protect you legally.
Yes, I am only looking out
Yes, I am only looking out for myself now
I would tell him...
I would tell him...
No.. you were right the first time. You and she made 5 kids together.. you should be as present of a father as possible.. and honestly, if that means sacrificing some of your happiness to provide them with a stable home with their two bio parents.. you should do it. Also, the financial resources work best when you and she are sharing the same home right? And.. if you thought you could get along with her for a vacation.. and you were looking forward to it.. you can make it happen "permanently." Do yourself a favor.. get back with her.. get yourselves some couples counseling and raise those kids you made together.
Yeah, I have sort of told him
Yeah, I have sort of told him this but I could be more clear. My heart was just so broken before and I couldn't imagine him with anyone else. Honestly everyone deserves to just be happy. Whatever makes them all happy.
Wowza
Sounds like your STBEX went from plan A- getting back together with ex wife to Plan B- staying with you.
What a prick.
Once its done and the business is handled you are free and clear from this user. I wouldnt have him do anything with payroll. As others said consult a lawyer on how to proceed. Its his problem he has 5 kids to feed, him and the ex wifey can figure that shit out.
Blessings and glad you are a survivor in this toxic relationship.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So basically his last call to
So basically his last call to you was:
"I was a selfish prick for not sorting out my guilt about my divorce until after being in a relationship (and business partnership) with you, and I'm still a selfish prick because I don't care that it might be best FOR YOU that we break up, only that I realize that it's not best FOR ME if we break up."
Nope nope nope. His kids and ex were more important less than 24 hours ago. The person he cares about most is himself, and while I'm all for loving one's self the most, it shouldn't come at the expense of using someone else to make us feel loved.
Stand your ground. You're making the right call breaking up. And has already been mentioned, talk to an attorney and don't be the one to teach the ex how to run his business. Find out what you need to do to not get screwed if he effs it up, and get out ASAP (unless you want to take over the business, then figure out how to buy him out ASAP). This man hasn't had your best interests at heart, so don't trust him to have them now just because it's business-related. He's an emotional mess at the moment, and emotionally messy people aren't generally functioning in a capacity where they can care about business and work as much as they did before.
Listen to the lieutenant
That is all.
Yeah I couldn't believe him
Yeah I couldn't believe him when he called me and said all that, he also didn't sound like he could believe what he was saying. After that call came a lot of him trying to get me to have pity for him. I'm beyond that now, my dad told me all he is thinking about is himself and the kids. He told me as soon as I sign over the buisness to him his tune will change. So my dad is going to help me negotiate how my ex should buy me out of the buisness so I can be done with all of this.
I am very happy that your dad
I am very happy that your dad going to be there for you. He's going to be a great asset in your corner
I love my dad. I hurt both my
I love my dad. I hurt both my parents and a lot of my family when I started dating this man. They always knew he wasn't good for me. I learned the hard way but now they are here for me and I am going to get through this. My Ex tried to isolate me and wanted us to figure this out between us but I am not alone anymore.
Looks like the EX wife
Did not want to spend a week with him. She did not want to be his bed partner. 7 days X 7 nights. Sex X amount of times, No.
Now he does not want to be with his kids alone. Or sex 0 times in a week. So he reaching out to you for a do over. No you are being used. Cut and run
She may actually take him
She may actually take him back. Idk and could care less now. His exwife texted me and said terrible things about how my sex and woman hood were trash. How he's all hers now and I got fucked and left. Her message actually helped me definitely be done. I don't need anyone's harassment anymore. I deserve so much better.
She's pitiful and pathetic
She's pitiful and pathetic
They both are. They both
They both are. They both deserve eachother. I feel bad for the children.
He has been clear regarding where you
stand.
Get on with your life. Do not surrender one cent. His 5 failed family children are not your problem.
Take care of you.
I am finally going to take
I am finally going to take care of myself. I am not responsible for thoes kids anymore. Honestly I never should have been. Good luck to them.
Ugh. Listen to your dad and
Ugh. Listen to your dad and your support system, especially in moments of weakness. Also block the asshole and get a lawyer or your dad to mediate the sale of the business. You shouldn't have to be exposed to him and his clan anymore. Move on and be free.
You are so right. I'm trying
You are so right. I'm trying to have him talk to my dad but he is being a coward and instead is trying to emotionally manipulate me and he even tried to blackmail me. I've never been to anxious in my life but I am holding my share of the money right now and he can't legally do anything. If I have to I will get a lawyer, but I don't think he wants that. This won't be resolved overnight...