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Warning -- major vent coming!! :(

Mpjcmom's picture

Submitted by Mpjcmom on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 4:18pm

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Blended Family Issues

Ok, so Daddy's little princess turned 13 yesterday....oh joy! I'm wondering, could my DH possibly make a bigger deal out of her birthday?!? It's like no one has ever turned 13 before! Let's see, here's what he has gotten for her/done for her so far....yesterday he paid for her to get her nails done. And I mean the full-on treatment -- deluxe pedicure, manicure (acrylic nails!) and eyebrow waxing. Then he takes her to Target to get a new dress. Then he takes her and her best friend to dinner at Olive Garden, and best friend sleeps over. I would think that made for a nice day, and might possibly be all that's required, right?? Oh no, wait there's more....he got her a debit card and put $40 on it to start. (I posted separately about the debit card awhile back...grrr!). Now he has taken Princess and her bff to the mall so she can spend it. But the kicker is....apparently he is hosting and paying for her "real" birthday party next weekend with all her school friends!! She wants it at some bowling alley/entertainment place. And now for the icing on the cake --my DH is currently unemployed! Yep, he has been out of work for about a month now. He has a little money saved up, but it won't last for long at this rate. I just feel sick. Hiding in my room for most of the day! Thanks to everyone for "listening." Comments welcome!

Mpjcmom's picture

Submitted by Mpjcmom on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 4:43pm

Thanks for the replies so far! Luckily our money is separate (and I have very little at the moment), so my money won't be involved in any of this. The only good that has come for me out of all this is I did get a pedicure yesterday, only because I took her (DH of course didn't want to sit in nail salon for over an hour). Yeah, I am 46 and have never had acrylic nails in my life. It does hurt me to watch him spending so lavishly on her. He does help me financially sometimes, but it usually comes with a lecture on money management (which I find kind of ironic!). He has credit card debt from years ago that he never paid. Needless to say, his credit sucks! I feel like I am losing respect for him. BM always has an excuse why she can't do things for her daughter. She provides shelter, food and clothing for SD, but as far as I can tell, that's about it. Her excuse this year was that she wants to buy SD a really nice camera for her bday, so if DH could just pay for the party....ugh. Whatever. I am just tiring of the whole situation. Meanwhile I have an amazing BD15, straight A student, member of her school's drill team, whose dad makes her work for every cent he gives her. Hard for BD to watch SD get spoiled by "Daaaddyyy" all the time.... Sad

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 5:43pm

Acrylic nails was an inappropriate present. He should have gotten her a Justin Bieber poster and some DVDs she'd like to watch. Next time he needs gift ideas for a teenage girl for holidays and birthdays, suggest to him (right before the holiday/birthday) that he ask sd what she'd like. I'm sure that would mean a lot to her because a) he asked her and b) she knows she'll get something she'll like.

Mpjcmom's picture

Submitted by Mpjcmom on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 6:27pm

Hi Cheri -- yes, you hit the nail on the head -- I am pissed off!! You are correct in that I have very little extra money to spend on my daughter, and I hate it. Sad Like your BD, mine does have an iPhone too, but it's cracked -- can't afford to replace it. Luckily it still works. Frankly, I worry about money 24/7, and to watch DH spend so frivolously on his little princess is very upsetting to me.
Anon2009 -- I couldn't agree more about the acrylic nails. Apparently BM said it was fine for her to get them (if DH pays for it of course!!).
Ugh -- I am starting to think I will never have anything if I stay with DH. He just turned 50 and, like I said, has no job. We are both college educated (I am a teacher) and live in a so-so neighborhood (I moved into DH's house when we got married). I am accused of being selfish if I ever express a desire of wanting more (i.e., wanting to live in a better neighborhood). Seems he just wants to fritter away what money he has on his daughter, rather than us ever saving for any common goals.... Sad

Mpjcmom's picture

Submitted by Mpjcmom on Sun, 04/28/2013 - 7:52pm

She has been getting her eyebrows waxed for awhile now. Yeah, maybe that's part of the reason it hurts....these are all luxuries that I enjoy, and rarely can afford for myself. And yes, SD13 is already very interested in boys. Throws around the F word on Twitter frequently. No activities outside of school, i.e., lots of time on her hands! I honestly fear she could become a teen mom one day. Her BM provides for her basic needs but, from what I understand, has a boyfriend now and spends most of her time with him. I think SD has a lot of unsupervised time alone at her BM's house. This combined with a big interest in boys plus all the little "luxuries" from Daddy equals trouble, if you ask me!!

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 11:00pm

Ok, I get that he was trying to mark her turning 13, it's a big deal to a kid.

I get the salon experience and new dress, the friend sleepover.

It seems more to me to be honouring her growing up so I don't have a problem with it.

The "real" party next week - ummmm hell no. She has already had her birthday celebration and if money is tight then WTF is he thinking???

Also, if this kind of splashing out is common and not just a "wow, she's turning 13" thing then he needs to get his priorities straight, he is not doing her any favours in giving her everything she wants all the time.

The child needs to learn how to work for what she wants, that you can't just have it straight up all the time because you "want it". That money IS sometimes tight and we need to deal with priorities and parties aren't that!

My OH doesn't like saying no to the skids, he doesn't like them to know if we have money worries or can't afford something - he says it's his job to "protect them" from those things. I say it's his job to teach them that the real world includes not always having the money to do what you like. SD12 now has the attitude of anytime she wants something "I'll ask my dad to buy that for me" (she actually says this to my dd10 and I ALL the time!) I'm like "honey, I know how much money your dad AND I have in the bank, and we won't be buying that, so don't even bother!"

He is now starting to notice it. We went to a flea market a few weeks back, and the whole way around she was like "Dadddyyyy, buy me this, buy me that" No please, no thank you - just demands. I made some comment about how I am sure she *meant* to say please... He laughed, but next time she said it he got annoyed at her - Thank God!!