Was I really being mean? Issues.
Im so glad I found this site.
DH thinks Im way to hard on people but here it goes. DH has two kids from two different moms. One he told me about after we got together although he knew the child may be his. He has little to know contact. He lost his job and I ended up taking care of us meaning him, myself, and the kids we have and having to pay his child support so that he doesnt go to jail. I had to pay for both kids to keep him from being arrested.
I make okay money but it was a sacrifice and Ive done the best I can for all of us even when it came down to extras.
The problem was that his SIL started coming to me and asking why we didnt fight for custody. I didnt think it was her business and I was struggling enough financially. She kept at it. The thing about her is that none of her stepkids live with her. Their family consists of HEr KIDS, and the kids she and my bro in law have together. When her stepkids asked to live with her she said no although they have the space and finances to get them.
I stopped all contact with her as I felt that she was trying to make me look like a bad person. Ive done all that I can. Ive given all the kids birthdays, all the kids Christmas, and my stepkids moms have decent jobs. I treat the kids well and we all get along.
DH feels I was too hard on her but I didnt feel she was being fair to me and she was out of line. I dont have ill feelings toward her but I just dont want to keep compnay with a person who thinks I didnt make the sacrifices she feels I should have made but is unwilling to make those same sacrifices herself. Does anyone else see what I mean?
Your DH needs to grow a pair
Your DH needs to grow a pair and tell his sister to butt out.
It's none of her business and
It's none of her business and it is not her place to tell you to do something she is not even willing to do. And, even if she was willing to do that for her skids, that doesn't mean you should, and it's still none of business.
I don't think you are mean at all but I have no problem cutting people out of my life if they deserve it. I haven't spoken to one of my SILs for about 5 years. I don't hate her but I certainly don't need her and all her lies.
Was SIL willing to pay for the custody fight? Doubt it. Was she willing to house, feed, and raise those kids. Obviously not since she doesn't want her own skids living with her. Screw her, not her call.
It's not up to you it's up to
It's not up to you it's up to DH so sil needs to take it to him and he needs to tell her to butt out, has he filed for cs modification to pay less in cs since he's unemployed?
it is actually his brothers
it is actually his brothers wife. Once they got married she started making a big deal about it. She won't let his kids live iwth her tho.
None of my DH relatives including his brother has ever said anything to me about the custody issues. They have seen how hard I work.
We haven't tried for the modification as they based the amount on his unemployment. Once that ran out I had to start paying it or he would go to jail.
DH thought I should have have been flattered that she thought I was doing such an awesome job and could handle more responsibility. I cannot. U felt these issues had been worked our before she came around and it wasn't her place to reopen them.
It has been very hard. My in
It has been very hard. My in laws understand. They know first hand the sacrifices I've made. At one point we did get one of his kids. It turned into the mom refusing to take DH off CS and DH sitting around and expecting me to do all the parenting. I was livind. Here I was paying for their kid twice basically because. I had to provide for him as he was in our home. Then DH wasn't very helpful. Id come home to a filthy house, mounds of laundry, and my baby's bottles. If I wanted to visit my family or if an old friend was in town and wanted to meet up, I would have to ASK them meaning DH and BM to make arrangements for their kid. I don't have to put up with that.
So the rest of his family just says how much I do for my family. They give me a hug at gatherings and that is that!
I don't even know what
I don't even know what parameterrs to place on her. Knows no boundaries
Step up? I've always insisted
Step up? I've always insisted and encouraged DH to be a father to his kids.
I politely told her to leave me alone completely and left it at that.
DH feels that she was simply saying that since I do such an amazing job of taking care of my family, that his kid would be better thaken care of with us. He felt I should have been flattered. I wasn't. It is my responsibility to take care of his kids. Since I have to pay his child support I technically have all kids kids. All that on my income.
Furthermore, since in most families the wife and mom does all the work. The cooking, scheduling, looking after the sick etc to me when a woman says to another woman that she SHOULD take a child she is being critical of heer. Every woman knows the work entailed with kids. I feel she was trying to making a bug deal of our not taking them and it wasn't her place.
Then she goes to DH and
Then she goes to DH and whines to him about it like he is going to force me to hang out with here. I don't have to tolerate. That!
I've come to a place now that
I've come to a place now that I don't care what people think. I have more than enough on my pla
te. I feel DH didn't take up for me as he secretly agrees with her. He felt I should take them. He used to blame me but now he sees exactly what I mean about stretching me too thin.