Why do I feel so much resentment to a child
I’ve been with my fiancé for 4 years. His D was 2 when we got together I was 19, so very young and naive. Didn’t really consider the consequences of starting a family that would be “blended”. I always got along really well with SD until a year ago. I was in hospital waiting to be induced with our daughter and my fiancé left me in the hospital to go and have sex with his ex (child’s mother) HOURS before our daughter was born. It was a traumatic birth, ended in an emergency c section, 2 blood transfusions and a week long stay. He came back into the hospital a few hours after she was born and started crying telling me what he had done (cheated on me with BM) and I never really got chance to sort of talk to him or anybody about it or how I felt. Which I think led me to PND. There’s no other rational thing I can think of to explain why I feel the way that I do. But every time I hear her come through the door I feel sick. My heart sinks and I count down the hours till she goes back home again. I look at her and all I see is the betrayal they put me through. I’ve let this feeling build up to the point I hate hearing her name, her voice, everything. But I try to keep out of the way and not let me feelings be shown as I know myself I’d be upset if it were my daughter in that position as deep down I know it’s not her fault why I feel the way I do.
Fast forward to now, we have a 1 year old daughter and 2 month old son. SD doesn’t really come round very often because our house is “boring” and she’s “not bothered about seeing the babies cos they’re boring”. But oh would you believe it m, it’s her birthday so she knows she’s going to get presents so she’s come round. Like she did at Xmas. When she does actually come round she just moans the entire time about how boring it is and clings to him and tell him to put our crying 1 year old down because she wants all of his attention. She’s ridiculously loud, I mean she does not understand how to be quiet she shouts everything she says and startles my newborn, she makes me fiancé sleep in her bed which is having a huge impact on our relationship, she’s rude to my 1 year old and tells her off like she’s her mother which I despise! When fiancés not in the room she’s rude to me, she doesn’t let my 1 year old near any of her toys but wrecks trough all hers without a care in the world, she’s 6 years old she can’t wipe her own ass or flush or wash her hands (or she can but she’s just lazy and dirty), she stands in front of my partner when he’s trying to talk or play with our 1 year old so he can’t see her. Everything she does annoys the absolute hell out of me. Think is, she’s picking up on my feelings too as she said to her mum “I don’t play with her or talk to her much”. Which is why I know I need to sort myself out as my partners not seeing much of hi kid because I can’t get over this feeling.
Im probably going to see a gp ask do think it’s possibly PND as I’m just miserable a lot o the time. But I have never had a day away from my babies and I think that doesn’t help. Since my first was born I have been with her 100% of the time. My mum is Ill and my fiancé’s is too busy to help and my fiancé’s like another child so he’s no help at all. Do I sound like a crazy bitch like I feel like I do?
I'm sorry but what the hell
I'm sorry but what the hell are you still doing with this pathetic excuse of a "man"?!?! God, I wish I could reach through this computer and slap some sense into you. NO woman (or man) deserves this treatment!!! LEAVE HIM! You will NEVER get over that betrayl and it's just another slap in the face everytime you have to see or deal with her and the daughter. Please, get yourself treated for the depression, because it is valid and can be very serious. You need to do this for yourself and your children. Once you've started healing from the medication, it's time to clean house! Go and retain a lawyer and leave!! Take him for all he's worth and never look back. You deserve so much better my dear. Please understand that none of this is your fault, but continuing to stay in this situation is only prolonging your growth and healing. Please talk to a counselor, your mom, a close friend, anyone. He is not worth your time and he WILL do this again. Either with BM or someone else. You're young and have your entire life ahead of you. This is the ultimate betrayl. My heart hurts for you.
Wait, let me get this
Wait, let me get this straight in my head.
You resent a young child because your SO (her father) left you laying in hospital about to give birth while he went and had sex with this little child's mother (his ex)? So you turn around just months later , get pregnant again by your cheating SO, go pregnant a second time.... but it's the child you resent and are not coping well with. And the more the child is pushed away and desires attention the more you resent the child. The child who you got along just fine with prior to her father cheating on you.
I'm going to go for starting with a good physical and work up with your dr (for your physical issues) and having him/her also refer you to a good therapist who can help you sort your feelings.
You're so young and have a wide open future ahead of you, no need to keep living and hurting like this.
There are nearly infinite
There are nearly infinite questions as to what motivated you to breed with this idiot. Much less breed with him twice.
You now have a singular mission IMHO. You must commit yourself and do whatever it takes to minimize and counter the influence of the shallow and polluted end of your children’s gene pool.
Just because you ultimately made the mistake of pairing with this POS does not mean you need to keep making that same mistake. There is no requirement that you continue a mistake even when you have invested so much time in making it.
You Skids are a product of their parents. A large part of what is wrong with your SD is your DH.
Take care of you. Take care of your kids.
STOP resenting the child and
STOP resenting the child and place it where it belongs... on your fiance.
Good grief. Your issue
Good grief. Your issue shouldn't be with the SD, it should be with the scumbag you're engaged to. What possessed you to stay with him after he took the opportunity to have sex with his ex while you were giving birth to his child? I can understand feeling betrayal when you look at him, but I'm not sure why you've transferred it to his child. If I was you I'd get counseling, which I hope will boost your self esteem and help you work out why you're resenting the innocent child while continuing to breed with her sad excuse father.
Another one....
This is another one of those posts that I honestly think might be a fake because I can't believe the OP could be this deluded. But assuming it's real...
I can say with absolute certainty that you resent your SD because you really deep-down hate your BF but you need to funnel that anger elsewhere in order to stay. I know this because I resented my ex-BF's son despite the fact that I never was actually willing to meet him, so I didn't even know the kid. But I knew that I was dissatisfied with where I ranked in ex-BF's life and the consequences of him having so much baggage, so in order to continue dating him I resented the kid for awhile. Finally, after a few months of that I realized that was insane and the real problem was my SO and dumped the guy vowing never to date another guy with kids. It's not for me.
But I basically think in order to stay in less than ideal circumstances we misdirect our resentment toward anyone but the real culprit, the SO. Hopefully you'll realize where your anger should be directed and make changes accordingly.
this child is the LEAST of
this child is the LEAST of your problems.
Believe me.
I might be the only one
I might be the only one who reads this and can relate. My fiance also cheated on me with my step daughters mom about 4 years ago, it caused us to seperate for months until we decided to work through it and get back together. I knew working things out was not going to be a walk in the park but I had no idea how much harder it would make things when it came to my step daughter. She lives with us and sees her mom every other weekend but when I look at her all i see is her mom, a walking, talking, attitude filled, manipulative little girl who looks exactly like the one person on the planet that I actually hate.
Its a very hard thing to deal with and live with everyday, all the commenters here are right that is 100% the dads fault for stepping out and cheating on you in first place and he should be held accountable for that, but as someone who has had to go through this myself I do see your point and how what has happened can give you a new opionion about your step daughter.
Feel free to reach out to me if you ever just want to chat.
You are never going
You are never going to get over his betrayal. Not unless you are mainlining a combination of Lithium, Percocet, and Vodka on an IV pole that you drag around behind you. If I were in labor and my husband left to go get a burger I would want to rip his face off. If he left to go get laid I would rip his dick off. There would be no baby number two and I would be the next Lorena Bobbit.
I don't know if you are financially dependent on him or what but do what you have to do to get out before this eats you alive. There are resources available to help you and you can get child support. Get out of this insanity and cut ties with him. Communicate only through third parties until whatever voodoo hold he has over you has faded to black. Enlist the help of family and friends and lash yourself to the mast if you have to in order to stay away from him. This is a baaaaad situation.