Back from vacation with BF and son upset with me
I just got back from vacation with my bf. I asked my son to go - he is 11 and chose not to go cause my bf went. it was hard to go without him but I did.
while I'm gone, I text him - he was very upset when I sent him a picture saying I chose my bf over him and that I need to choose because he wants nothing to do with my bf. i realize i am the parent and i don't have to but I'm sick of the constant turmoil. I know his dad has some play in this but doesn't matter cause I can't do anything about it. I feel torn and am sick of the turmoil I feel. I have been dating this man for 14 months now. I'm not sure it will ever get better.
what would you do?
we also have 4 adult children between us - they also are not supportive of us. they are all selfish and want all of our individual attention. it's just exhausting.
I know it wouldn't get better if we married.
Your son may NEVER accept
Your son may NEVER accept this boyfriend. Or any other boyfriend that comes along. The same goes for the adult children.
Your son in 11yo. He is a child. You are the adult. Did you say, "Son, we're going on a trip. BF is going with us."? Or did you give your son the option to chose?
My husband did not give his kids/skids the option. He said, "This is where we're going/what we're doing" and they did. They may not have LIKED it every time, but they did as they were told.
Is this the son who dumped
Is this the son who dumped out a bottle of water in anger? He might need some help in learning to cope if you feel
This relationship is worth it.
Can't remember your history,
Can't remember your history, but is there any chance your BS has a legitimate reason for not wanting to being around SO? Has he ever told you why he doesn't like SO? Is it just jealousy, or could there be a reason that could be worked out?
I feel like you/we might be
I feel like you/we might be missing something? It's strange to me that all four of the adult children (and your younger son) dislike this relationship. As adults, I don't understand why they don't want their parents to be happy in a relationship?
OP is the 'wedding guest
OP is the 'wedding guest seating arrangement' saga poster.
BF's adult kids ignore you. BF does not "defend/standup" for you. Your adult child and your minor child dislike BF. You are the one who is continually fighting for validation, approval and love. Perhaps in the rush of the honeymoon stage of your relationship you have blown past some red flags that others are picking up on.
At this point, I would let your ex-DH take custody of your boy --- I can't see how forcing anything on the child will help your relationship with him.
The Universe is giving you feedback.
Thanks, I remember now. Agree
Thanks, I remember now. Agree with Indigo - something is not quite right in your relationship. Maybe try some therapy for yourself to see if you can figure it out?
Did I understand correctly
Did I understand correctly that you texted your 11 year old son that you chose your bf over him?
I'd be upset too if I was him!!!
During her trip, she sent her
During her trip, she sent her son a picture. His response was that she picked the BF over him.
Oh ok. I thought she sent him
Oh ok. I thought she sent him a picture that said she chose the bf over him.
You don't have time to date.
You don't have time to date. You have a child that is struggling and unhappy. He is your first priority. All these people here that say relationships come first aren't being real. You have a child that needs raising. If your relationship makes him this unhappy then wait till he is older to date.
Cutter,are you kidding? You
Cutter,are you kidding?
You and the OP are pretty much doing the same thing
I have been in this situation
I have been in this situation before where my daughter despised my ex BF. The majority of it was jealousy, anger, and a bad attitude and at some point, you have to be the parent and not have your child cross the line into being disrespectful. Yes, he was a complete douchebag, but if I would have stopped dating at all, I would never have married the most incredible man / stepfather to my daughter on the planet and given her an example of what a truly wonderful marriage / family is!
OP why does everyone oppose
OP why does everyone oppose this relationship with THIS man?
Please don't say I don't know.
Just think about what they have said to you. MOM he is a jerk, MOM he doesn't pay the bills YOU do, MOMMMMM, he is a felon crack head and did time in jail for 6months. MOM, he still lived with HIS MOM until you invited him to live off of you.
MOM cant you see he is a mooch?
Someone said something to you about him.....
OP hope it gets better. I agree with Indigo on this one too. Let your x have your boy.
Well your kids are probably
Well your kids are probably sensing that you are very eager to please this guy while he does what he wants, he isn't as much into you as you are into him. Even though he isn't that much into you, he is controlling. Kids could see it. You said you've been only in bad relationships. Kids see it too, they don't see this dude being any better. Plus they might worry about your choices in men.
His kids though are just generally dismissive of you because they don't see it as serious relationship. Your BF doesn't make any steps in showing anyone that this is serious. So they do not need to worry about pleasing you. They look at you as some casual dating.
It was very telling that when asked what you find in him, you said physical connection and he can be sweet sometimes. Even when pressed for mire, all you could come up with was that he says he loves you. It ain't much. So it's possible that if yourself can't explain what's special about him, and we don't see it, no one else sees anything special about this relationship, or maybe they see too many red flags to count.
my youngest says he wants me
my youngest says he wants me all to himself - my oldest says I act like a teenager around him and don't pay enough attention to him. they were both basically only children. they are 12 years apart. I do pay attention to them - it's just not solely on them now. they have to share mom. I can see this same thing in his 21 yr old daughter who lives with him. she can't stand he is so in to me.
and he does do lots of things for me. fixes things around my house, etc. doesn't just tell me he loves me. the kids make it very stressful though because we all defend our kids. my ex plays a big part too. he acts differently around me when my bf isn't around and bf knows this because I tell him everything. I try to not be too friendly because ex doesn't know how to just "be friends". no telling what he says to my sons. I'm sure it's not all positive. he is like a child also. so this makes bf very insecure with all of them.