Husband wants me to break stalemate
I disengaged from my 17 y/o SS two years ago. DH wants me to apologize for not talking to him. I feel like such an outsider and it hurts to be excluded from everything, so I'm contemplating a sit down with the boy, but I also don't think I have anything to apologize for and I don't believe he will be receptive to it. SS has stolen from me, drinks alcohol and smokes pot. He refused to come to our wedding. I just feel really unsure about whether I should break the silence or grieve the loss of never connecting with this kid. Our therapist doesn't think there's any hope of reaching him because he's got it in his head that I stole his daddy away from him. He wants 100% of his attention all the time which is just an unreasonable and unrealistic expectation. I just don't know if it's worth it to try to reconcile.
Absolutely no chance you need
Absolutely no chance you need to do this. None! What it the world does your DH expect YOU to do? I'd tell him to have a hard look at how your SS was raised and go from there.
DH wanted ME to contact OSDthen16/17 last year because "no one is doing anything about it (i.e. the PAS)." Yeah, NO. I had to point out she cut me out way earlier than him and I'm clearly not the parent and never had been a parental figure. What in the world do you think I could say to magically make it better? I tried PRIOR to the PAS becoming insidious but no one paid attention to me and so I'm out. I won't get hurt any longer nor be used for my time. It's a lesson some people need to learn - you treat someone poorly and you cannot expect them to be there for you.
No. Just no. You do not have
No. Just no. You do not have to break the stalemate. His son is being a shit and honestly, that's on him and those who raised him.
DH, stop pissing me off about
DH, stop pissing me off about your feral son. I wasn't responsible for raising a kid with no morals so if you want me to treat him like a normal human being you'd better fix your lack of parenting. The problem is of your making.
It would be a firm no from me
It would be a firm no from me. It sounds like SS is the cause of the discord. The things he has done (not go to your wedding, stealing from you, etc) are awful! There is no way I would apologize or have sit down discussion with him if I were you. He sounds like a manipulator and that he is utterly disrespectful of you and your marriage. If anything, he should apologize to you and his dad.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Hang in there and know you aren't alone.
Good gawd
Your DH has it backwards.
He asked you to apologize even though he knows the shitty SS is in the wrong. He asked you cause DH is probably scared of poor lil orphaned SS.
I wouldve laughed in DH's face.
No apologies
I wouldn't apologize but I would call out the behaviors of you haven't already.