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Bio-Mom throwing accusations

Letty's picture

Submitted by Letty on Wed, 12/16/2009 - 9:34am

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Mentally Unfit Biological Parents

Hi everyone, i'm new here so i'll give some hopefully brief background info. I'm 28 years old and am engaged to a great guy who has a 2 year old with the spawn of satan. I kid you not, this woman is evil. She lies and manipulates. When her and my guy were together she would attack him, she has smashed a vase full of rocks and water over his head, and has tried to stab him. His family has restraining orders against her and they are going through a lengthy custody battle over their 2 year old daughter. I have been with him for 7 months now, and she has known about me from the begininng. However, just recently my guy has gotten a great lawyer and set the wheels in motion to get custody. They have each had to get an assesment done by a court assigned assesor. They have a court order signed by a judge stating that her bf, a known drug dealer, cannot be around when she has her daughter (it's joint custody right now), yet they just moved in together. She has forgotten to pick her daughter up at daycare, and stores drugs in her daughters room. She's a real piece of work.

ANYWAY, last night she had the daughter for the night, and she phoned my guy saying that the daycare told her they think someone is molesting her daughter because she acts different on days that I drop her off. We have called the Daycare and they said they have not talked to his ex, she grabs the daughter and leaves asap without talking to anyone. They have no concerns, they think i am great with her, she's always excited to see me when i pick her up. I hate that she can throw accusations likes this, tell them to her lawyer and the assesor, and there's nothing i can do but deny it. How do i deal with this?! I know when daughter gets older she'll be telling her lies and poisioning her mind. It's so frustrating.

Sorry such a long post!

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Sun, 04/18/2010 - 2:17pm

delete

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

stepmominhell's picture

Submitted by stepmominhell on Wed, 12/16/2009 - 10:23am

I feel for you! I am going through false accusations as well (That I'm starving my SS11, neglecting him, etc.) My friend who's a judge gave me the following comments and advice:

*Judges are onto the fact that parents (especial bio moms) throw around false accusations all the time to retaliate.
*Document everything! That includes the time you pick up your SD, what you did, what she ate, what she played with, etc. Take photos of her playing too. I keep a little log and put everything in there so when SS is manipulated by his BIO mom to twist something I did into something abusive, I refer to my log and am able to say "well he played his computer game from 4-5, ate a snack, then ate dinner." I think you get the idea.
*Take her to a pediatrition to have her evaluated.

Also - you may have to limit your time alone w/ her as she gets older depending on the circumstances. You have to protect yourself. Hopefully you can become a good influence on your SD and not have to worry.

Good luck! I feel your pain! I'm headed to court on Tuesday - ugh!!!

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 12/16/2009 - 10:38am

Rest assured that if the daycare had any concerns about molestation, it wouldn't be the BM notifying your. The daycare has a legal duty to report that to the authorities.

If I were you though, until this all passes, I would not ever be alone with the child.

Angel72's picture

Submitted by Angel72 on Wed, 12/16/2009 - 11:20am

I would get a letter from daycare clearly stating that they had no conversation about that topic with bm and how she basically takes daughter asap and her behaviour.
Then i would ask the court for a psychological examination on bm.
If she stores drugs in her daughter room she would be stripped of her custody immediatley...you can have an order of protection and also get bm drug tested.
How do you know this???

Letty's picture

Submitted by Letty on Thu, 12/17/2009 - 11:22am

Thanks everyone. We have signed SD up for Play Therapy at the reccomendation of our lawyer. She assures us if anything, like being molested, is happening, it'll come out in play therapy. We had to get BM to sign a consent form for that and she put up a huge fight saying she didn't want her daughter going to therapy, and her lawyer and the court assigned assesor told her it looked like she had something to hide, so finally she signed. Also, the daycare wrote a letter for the courts saying that they have no contact with the mom, and that they never had said conversation about molestation. In the court order we have it stated that before we go in front of the judge on Jan.20th both BM and my fiance have to get drug tested. He has done his, but she to date still has not done hers.

We know she had drugs in the baby's room because my fiance went to her place to drop off pictures from daycare that we paid for but were nice enough to share with her, and he asked for a tour, so he could see where his daughter lives half the time. (she had just moved into the place, and has since moved 2 more times). When he went into the baby's room the only thing there was a few clothes hung up, a bed, and a box in the middle of the room, looked in the box and saw ziploc bags filled with pot. He left, called the police, but by the time they got there it was gone. They did put in there report that it smelled strongly of pot and she admitted to being high, and her boyfriend was there, which he isn't supposed to be. since she was to pick up baby within the hour.

I try to put my trust in the system, and tell myself (and my fiance) that no judge in their right ming would give her custody, but unfortunatly i know that she is an amazing actress and will put on a show for everyone. I just hope that as her daughter gets older she sees her for what she really is and doesn't believe all her lies.