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Bio mom won’t acknowledge sons behavior

kyky's picture

 My stepson is 12 years old now and I’ve known him since he was four. I’ve raised him the way I believe is the proper way to raise a good human being. There has been instances where he has now punched me in the face, steals things from my house, is completely the most disrespectful child I’ve ever heard or seen before. He kicks my three-year-old toddler off the bed when he’s trying to give them a kiss and he flies in the wall and gets hurt pretty badly.  The other night I wake up in the middle the night, and I find my stepson standing on the other side of the room in complete darkness just staring and not saying a word. When I woke my husband up he freaked out and ask him what he was doing. My stepson still asks for someone to sleep with him. My issue now among many others is anytime I’m strict with my stepson and I enforce rules and I don’t tolerate behavior, he gets  mad and cries and freaks out and called his mom immediately to almost like tattle on me. The next moment she’s calling my husband screaming at him saying he’s taking him to Court because her son is enduring “verbal abuse and bullying.”  I’ve tried on numerous occasions to have an adult conversation with her for the sake of my stepson and she can’t be talked to, it’s almost like talking to a teenage girl-doesn’t want to hear anything anybody has to say except that she wants to defend her son and that’s all that matters. I told her I don’t downgrade him, or any sort of “verbal abuse” whatsoever a She lets him talk to her and other people however he wants he gets whatever he wants at her house, he has no attention or discipline at his moms house.  How do I deal with a bio mom that takes a child’s side in something she doesn’t even know what’s going on?  She jumps down my throat screaming the second she hears her son is inconvenienced and is CONVINCED that I AM the problem and reason for his insane and scary behavior. Theres so much more! Help!!

kyky's picture

It’s not that I care about what she thinks. She’s extremely stupid and can’t comprehend anything except for defending her son when he doesn’t get his way. But it hasn’t affected my entire family. I couldn’t give two craps but she makes my husband come home from work because my stepson is calling his mom screaming crying because I’m trying to set them straight. Every time he does something horrible it’s a huge thing

Trying to Stepmom's picture

Sounds like what I’ve encountered before - skid running off to call BM when they seem to be mistreated, etc. Except I do not communicate with BM, unless absolutely ​ necessary. I don’t even save her number in my phone.

You need to have a chat with DH. That’s the first step. Then DH needs to tell BM that she has no say what goes on in your house. She can call and complain to DH all she wants, but he needs to shut her down. DH also needs to have a chat with your SS and let him know that he can’t go and call BM every time he’s not getting his way at Dad’s house. 

Harry's picture

What worst he is violent.  You have to do something befor he hurts someone. This is not normal by any means.  These are the kids you see on TV who kill there parents. 

kyky's picture

 This last time he was here I had to hide all of the sharp knives and scissors in my house because I was truly afraid for my life. To my husband I’m overreacting even though all of my family and his family have told me the same thing

simifan's picture

SS has physically hurt you and your child. i'd be banning him from my home. BM wouldn't have to call - I'd drop SS off.

Should you not heed this sensible advise, remember BM has no say in your home. You can hang up the phone at any time or even block her calls 

a88ie's picture

Yep instant ban. He is unstable and cant be helped and your husband can see him outside the house but not inside. He has abused his right and there for just like in adult life you dont appreciate it you dont have it.

Rags's picture

Quit making this more complicated than it has to be.  You don't deal with BM other than to tell her STFU and inform her unequivocally that she has zero say in anything that occurs in  your home including how children in your home are parented.

If she threatens court... tell her to bring it on then kick her ass in court.  Document everything she pulls and have your attorney prepped if she actually grows the lady balls to take you to court. A judge will rip her a new asshole if she shows up in court with nothing more than the Skid got his fee fees hurt and was not catered to at Daddy's house.

Any time SS assaults your young child blister his ass with a paddle and document his violence towards his younger sibling.  Keep the journal corelating discipline and BM's bullshit.

Your mistake is even attempting to speak with BM regarding anything to do with YOUR home, YOUR family, and how YOU and YOUR husband parent. 

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

a88ie's picture

Hell yea. What this poster said.

Im tired of hearing of skids running the show and being allowed to also.