Hello everyone. I've just joined the forum on the advice of some friends after yet another call to them sobbing my eyes out after dropping off our SD back at her BM (BM = biological mother right?! I'm new to all this terminology!). 

Background, in short: my SO is Australian and lived there until 4 years ago. 4 years ago, the BM was on holiday in Australia and met my SO. They dated for the month she was there, and then she returned to England. She invited him to visit England for two weeks, which he did. Whilst in England he started to see some warning signs; possessive behaviour, sudden rage, erratic mood swings, etc. He returned to Australia and decided to end the relationship. Two weeks later, the BM called him. She'd previously said she was infertile, and called to tell him she was pregnant and it was his child. (Before you ask, it is definitely his child). My SO said he wanted to be a part of the child's life, moved to London leaving behind his family, friends and job. He moved in with the BM, and really tried to do the " right" thing. He proposed, they got married, and had their daughter. He found out that throughout the pregnancy she'd had multiple affairs, was still using cocaine, and after the daughter was born, she continued to drink (2 bottles of wine per night), use cocaine, and physically abuse my SO. The BM is a millionaire trust fund girl. She's never worked; lives in a 5 bedroom house in London paid for by her father, lives on an allowance and drives a personalised range drover (to paint the picture of the woman we're dealing with here). My SO stayed with her for a further 5 months. He had signed a pre nup before they married just to prove to her and her family he didn't care about the money. The BM offered my SO £50,000 to leave the country after their daughter was born. She's bi-polar and won't take medication and would often say things like this - he paid for her therapy, but her therapist refused to continue treating her after she verbally abused him(!!!). The marriage ended when my SO returned home from work to find his belongings bagged up in bin bags outside the house. She had changed the locks, and she waited until the day after he'd paid all bills, bought the monthly food shop, and had essentially emptied his bank account. He lived in his jiu Jitsu gym for 3 months before getting back on his feet and finding somewhere he could afford to live. I should add - I had not met him at this point. 

He built a case against his ex wife, and took her to court. She had a team of QC barristers and spent 350,000 on fees. He was a litigant in person. I'm a corporate lawyer- I've read the entire file. His case would have won with lawyers, but without a lawyer in the family court, as a father you sadly don't stand a hope in hell. Ultimately, he got a contact arrangement allowing him to see their daughter twice a week, with overnight stays only granted when she starts school. She was 1 at this point. (She's now 3).

I met my SO about 6 months after all of this. He is the most determined, caring, and loyal man I have ever met. He told me from the off that he had a daughter, came with a lot of baggage. I loved him for his loyalty and sense of duty.

Present day: I absolutely love my SD. I never thought I could love another child like my own, or as much as I do. And I didn't think I could love my SO more, but I do every time I see him with his daughter, and how he still continues to have to battle to see her (BM cancelling or refusing contact and breaching the contact order, or refusing to answer the phone). He will never speak a bad word about the BM infront of his daughter, and reassures her how much mummy and daddy love her. In short - he's doing a damn good job and I don't think I could do it with his composure. 

The BM despises me. There's truly no logic or rational explanation. I am not the "other" woman. I even asked my partner to send her a message from me (not directly from me as didn't want to invade her privacy) just to say I will never try and be a mum to their daughter /muscle my way in and fully respect her routine for their daughter , etc. In return I have received: threats to "end my career' with calls to my law firm; telling my SD that I am "an evil witch" which she has repeated back to us , in tears, saying "my mummy hates you but I love you". I could go on. 

I am 28; none of my work friends my age have children of their own yet, let alone step children. I suddenly feel responsible for a little girl who me and my SO are really worried about from a safeguarding perspective, but we are up against a woman with a seemingly endless source of money to fight legal battles we simply cannot afford. I feel like we are in an impossible situation. I work 85 hour weeks with my job, and we then have my SD for Saturday day time, return her to her BM, then have her again Sunday day time. I'm exhausted, frustrated, and isolated in this situation. 

If anyone has any advice, please reach out. 

Sorry for the essay - I didn't realise I had so much to say until I began typing! 

LC