Am I really cut out for this?
When my husband and I started dating, I was so in love with his daughter, even when we moved in together. Then, once we got married and I got pregnant, it just seems like everything she does irritates me. I have depression problems, but have been taking my medication regularly. Our relationship isn't getting better, and I think a lot of how much easier my life would be if she was with her mother. But I know my husband wouldn't be the same. So, then I think that divorce is my only real way out. But this concerns me because my son needs a father, and I truly love my husband. I'm just not so sure if I love my step-daughter or not.
There's a lot of background to the story that would take too long to type, but to sum it up: She went to live with her mother who isn't so great, and my husband got full custody of her. When she came back, I think it truly changed her, and for the worse.
Just not sure what to do or if I should voice any of this to my husband. The last time I tried, we got into a fight and he told me to go ahead and file for divorce.
Has anyone been in this situation?
Thank you.
You don't have to love her.
You don't have to love her. Biological parents fall in love wth their children the moment they are born. It's not that way with steps. But you do have to be fair. None of this mess is the child's doing. She didn't choose her mother. Your husband did that. You and the child are victims of your husbands bad choice. This cannot be changed. Either accept that, be a responsible adult as far as this child is concerned. Don't hate her because your husband created her with a woman you don't like. If you divorce your son may find himself with a stepmother one day. Karma's a bitch, so I'd treat that stepdaughter as you would like a stepmother to treat your son.
Don't pressure yourself to love her, but don't hate her for being born either.
Check back in with your doctor. Perhaps the medication you take for depression needs to be adjusted or changed. Depression is a terrible thing, do make sure you keep your doctor up to speed on how your coping. All the best.
Thank you so much for that! I
Thank you so much for that! I never though to look at it in that light.
I needed to read this
I needed to read this today...well probably every day,. Good reminder to focus on what's important.
Finally! a place where I can
Finally! a place where I can really vent to ppl who understand.
I know exactly how you feel. I just don't know how to get past it. As a stepmom, its frustrating and I'd rather not deal with it, but I love my DH and I refuse to live miserably without him but trust me, that SD is riding my last nerve.
I even told her, "I love you, but I don't have to" was I wrong?
ok, no answers...I guess I"ll
:jawdrop: ok, no answers...I guess I"ll just continue feeling bad about what I said and throwm myself a darn pity party.
must've hit rockbottom and
must've hit rockbottom and overreacted
u may be right about the time zones.
thanks for the motivation
Hey, I'm a child development
Hey,
I'm a child development specialist.....it's my job, but I can honestly say being a step-parent is no easy task. I to get in arguments with my husband about parenting and all the people involved in our lives!!! I want him to man up an tell people to back the f*** off. I want to be able to say to relatives, "because I'm the mom and what I say goes", but I do not believe this will ever happen. I love my SD8, she is trying at times, but really a child that is searching for normal. She has made the decision to not speak to BM, and we support that! I just want to say even I have to take a step back from time to time.....I know in my head how to explain the behavior, but damn if it isn't annoying as hell!!