I need help.
Nothing new here, but SD8 is driving me up the freaking wall. She argues. She lies. She is mean and bossy to SD4 and BS8. She is such a tattle-tail. She is so nosy. And I CAN'T take it anymore. This kid is always whiny, complaining, and crying that she has no friends and people are mean to her, but she is such a brat I can see why. Every 5 seconds she is going on and on about what the other kids have done and why they should be in trouble. She will even go so far as to attempt to punish them herself. I don't know what to do with this kid. DH and I have talked and talked and talked to her. I recognize this kid has some severe issues due to her POS BM, who is in and at out of her life. She is in counseling. I am just at my wits end with this. Any advice.. How do I handle this??
I am so glad this finally
I am so glad this finally posted. YAY! I have been trying to post for days. If I do not talk with a sane person soon I will lose it.
Positive reinforcement..
Positive reinforcement.. attempting.. I have made charts and what not to put on the fridge and when the children behave... or get compliments on behavior, clean room, take care of business.. anything that is pretty much not evil.. REWARD! This seems to have only turned into "SD4 gets this why don't I?" or "BS8 has a star, and I don't". When anything is not about her and her only she flips out. Anytime she does something good and is rewarded it is fine, but when the other children are rewarded for their good deeds she freaks out. BS8 brought home a lovely letter from his teacher talking about how excellent and well behaved he is..yatta, yatta, yatta.. This letter was turned into a tornado ripping through my house. I have explained to SD8, that there are good consequences and there are bad consequences.. I have tried to show her the difference and explain that in order to reap the good consequences you must behave.
As far as the "she has no friends".. I've spoke with her teacher. SD8 has been placed in a classroom of only 13 students for the last two years. Her social behavior/problems are to the point where they drastically effect her academics. Her teacher has told me she has so many issues in school because SD8 is always trying to be the boss. At this age, the other students do not want another 8 year old trying to tell them what to do and push them around, therefore they simply avoid her. I put her in cheer-leading this last summer, with the thought that "team work" and realizing that everybody has to work as a team, there is no center of attention, would chill her out as trying to be in charge all the time. It did not really work. Now she just hates cheer-leading and refuses to continue. BS8 and SD4 (her own sister) play together all day and really want nothing to do with her. They both say because she is so mean and always try to get them in trouble. Ex. I picked up SD8 and BS8 after school. SD8 starts running to the stairs to go in house. BS8 is a good 10ft behind her. and I am behind him. SD8 trips and falls running up the stairs begins to scream as if her arm has just be chewed off by a wild beast. Then tells me that BS8 pushed her. I looked at her and said "SD8 are you sure? Do you want to tell me what happened again?" She just gives me this "well, I tried F.U. look" and walks in the house.
I try. I try. I try to do everything positive with this girl. She loves crafting so I try to do a lot of stuff with her. It just gets to the point, where I don't even want to be around her. She doesn't take care of stuff and pretty much destroys anything I give her or try to do with her. She has the attention span of peanut. She will do one thing for 5 minutes then shes bored and moves on. It makes it so hard to do anything with her.
I can honestly say I can not
I can honestly say I can not stand her counselor for one reason. She doesn't seem to have anything to say. All she ever says is "we're working on how to recognize/deal with certain emotions". SD8 loves her counselor and honestly this counselor is the only counselor within a hour from us that accepts our insurance.
DH is in the same boat as I am. We have both attempted to talk with her. To show her how to behave. We have both punished and rewarded her. In his presence the behavior is not as bad, but it is still there. By all means, she is 100x worse when he is not around. When he is not home I try to handle it on my own, but believe me, I probably call him 50x a day when he is at work because I just can't handle it. I feel as if SD8 thinks she must be above me, yet below her dad, on this totem pole of authority in our home. There are moments when SD8 tells me how to do or handle certain situations, from cooking dinner to dealing with the other children. Drives me nuts.
I have a lot of patience. Most of the things I can deal with. The being bossy, arguing, and being mean is what I've lost it with. I just can't seem to get her to realize that if she spent half of her time worrying about what she needed to do instead of worrying about how to get the other kids in trouble she would have a lot less issues.
Ipod and a glass or two of
LOL. Usually calms me down.
LOL. Usually calms me down.
However, is it wrong to feel bad that the man at the liquor store knows me by name, wine, and credit card number?
It is time to retrain the
It is time to retrain the puppy.
This kid is getting attention, positive or negative, from her behaviors. Thus why she does it. Advise her to a few new rules changes:
If she tattles, she stands in the corner for 1 minute for every year old she is.
If she is bossy, she stands in the corner for 1 minute for every year old she is.
If she lies, ditto.
If she is mean, ditto.
However, if she says something nice about someone she gets a hug.
If she helps someone, she gets a two minute cuddle on the couch.
If she tells the truth (no matter how bad it is) she gets a hug and trust. (emphasize the trust part)
If she spends a whole day being positive.. she gets a star.
Five stars and she gets to pick the movie for movie night, or gets another small reward that allows her to be in charge for just a moment.. driving home the "If your nice, kind and honest people put you in charge" mentality.
So I came home from work with
So I came home from work with the high hopes of approaching this differently. I sat everybody down and had the official "come to jesus" talk and let everybody know what I demanded in this house and the consequences. I even drew up a thoughtful contract to include rewards for positive behavior and disipline for wrong. It step by step laid out the rules and expectations of the house. Everybody read, I explained and we all signed. Now sd8 is flipping out, crying, temper tantrum all because I hung it o n the fridge asto be daily reminder to what we have all agreed to. Oh my goodness.
I'm done. Check please!
Stressed-mom, the description
Stressed-mom, the description of your SD sounds so much like my DH's son. He is almost six and acts just like your SD, but worse. He was kicked out of daycare when he was 3 for biting and tantrums and being too mean and aggressive towards other children. He was kicked out of preschool at 4 for those same issues but just worse episodes. His preschool teacher told DH and I that when he comes in of a morning, the other kids scatter and pair up as fast as they can so they don't have to talk to him. She said when they go outside, NO ONE plays with him, so he would go around and intentionally pick on other kids and then usually that ended in him attacking them. These kids were four and were able to see that he was a nightmare and wanted nothing to do with him. He was kicked out of Kindergarten this year and DH and BM have been told that if he is to return to that school, he will be evaluated and placed in Special Ed for emotional disturbance.
He has been diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. He is mean, bossy, whiny, manipulative, super defiant, has no social skills no matter how much he has been worked with by me and teachers. DH and BM do nothing to curtail his behavior. They just give in to it which makes it worse. I am now disengaged. I cannot stand him. It may not be his fault that he was born that way and that his parents are idiots, but that does not mean that he is magically tolerable. He is so unlikeable and I could no longer invest in the madness when his own parents indulged his every whim, let him walk all over them, and let him slide on everything, plus, never followed thru with recommendations from professionals. The only advice I have for you is to take it up one notch and take he to an actual psychiatrist, one that diagnose her, not just talk to her like a counselor. Since your DH is not a delusional Disneyland Dad like mine, it may help.
I have always considered some
I have always considered some sort of personality disorder as the reason for most of the issues. I guess I just assumed that if that was exactly it the school or her counselor would have suggested a different resource. A friend of mines daughter was diagnosed with adhd in first grade. The school called a meeting with her and discussed everything and suggested a doctor. I just can't understand why if a personality disorder is exactly the cause why nobody has suggested seeing an actual doctor instead of just a counselor. I can honestly say I didn't realize there was much of a difference.
On a side note, MIL just walked in and I'm about to loose my shit! Help me Lord.