Irresponsible and unfair
Ever since four years ago, when I entered into my fiance and SD's life, we've always had the arrangement with the BM that we would pay for the van payments, insurance and cell phone bill while the BD's trying to finish school. (she had 3 years of school to do). Although at first, I was a little skeptical, I realized that SD did need a way to get around places (preferrably to meet us halfway), without disrupting her life, ideally, and it would be rather convenient to talk to SD whenever possible via cellphone.
Of course, the cell isn't always answered and call-backs are scarce. We make the sacrifices to travel 5 hours each way to go see her, every second weekend, and anytime in between. This is a common occurrance, an irk that doesn't go away. Regardless, there is light at the end of the tunnel, in two years, BM will be done school and will be fully self-supportive, and hopefully move out of her parents' home. This would have been lovely...
However, we had not heard any complaints from the BM this school year for an excess of school work, never seemed to be unavailable because she may be in class. So my fiance called her up the other day and straight out asked her if she went to school. She said she's taking time off school...I was LIVID!!!
Does this woman have no hopes for her daughter or even for herself? Does she really want to portray this to her impressionable daughter? At the age of 29, isn't it a high priority to move out of the parents' place, let them retire the way they had planned, and start planning for the future education of your daughter and possibly your very own retirement? She seems to also spit in our faces, for the support we had given her, out of our agreement, and take advantage of it.
She said it's none of "our" business, and even through this all, we offer to help her out even more if she would only move out closer to us, for us to be closer to SD as well as travel less, and being able to take care of SD when BM needs to go to school, study, date other men?!
What are we doing...are we too accomodating?? How would you SM's take care of this situation?
Thanks ahead of time for the responses
If it's none of your
If it's none of your business, cut off the funding.
No more money....you are a
No more money....you are a lot nicer than I would have been...cuz I would have never agreed to that...or I would have gotten it stopped when I came into the relationship
Thanks for the comments. I
Thanks for the comments. I have to admit this was definitely a problem with me from the beginning, however, she wasn't asking for alimony or 1/2 of the house or anything. Plus he justified it by saying he didn't want to make daughter's life more difficult than what it already was, seeing that he wasn't going to be a full time father. Guilt. That's all it was. Highly unfortunate, but at this point, to take things away, we fear irrational biomom would sever all ties between us and daughter. She stopped talking to us directly since we have "interfered" with the school subject...we can only imagine how things would be if we started taking things away. We love daughter very much and do not wish to shake her life.
SD's life has been & will
SD's life has been & will continue to be shakin'. You have no control over what happens in her house or how she parents. All you can do is hope one day that she will grow up. Stop accommodating her. Save your money to modify the custody/visitation order. I used to accommodate the ex -- i don't anymore. BM get over it -- she'll still be a brat no matter what you do!
You need to get all of this
You need to get all of this in a legal document. She will always be up and down without a document. You have been way too nice.