SD13 is not doing great in school. Earlier in the semester, SO told her that she had to get her grades up by the end of the term or there would be consequences. We know that a lot of it is laziness and wanting to goof off, but because her claims were that the work is "too hard" and that she was having trouble concentrating, we did a number of things to try to help the situation (tutor, homework checking, doctor check and new meds, etc). End of term came and her grades were not up, and she did terribly on the finals.

SO decided that her punishment was no more dance class next term. Dance class is 2.5 hours on Tuesdays and 1.5 on Fridays, and she loves it. He contended to her that she obviously needed less distraction in her life so she could focus on school. Well, SO comes to me tonight and says that BM has a problem with it because the dance class is a positive influence: exercise, discipline, social group outside of school, extracurricular experience, etc.

He asked me what I thought, and I had to admit that I agreed with BM. I told him that if we're talking about what consumes her time, 4 hours out of the week at dance class was not her problem. In my estimation, among other things, it has a lot to do with the fact that after she comes home from school and finishes her homework/chores, she turns on the TV and vegges on the couch until bedtime. Neither of the skids have any limits on television watching, aside from what we block via parental controls. SD10 has other things she likes to do that occupy her time, but besides seeing her friends and aforementioned things, it is literally the only thing that SD13 does at home. SO's work involves watching a lot of television so I think he has felt hypocritical putting any limits on them. Yeah. Right? I know.

Anyway he seemed to take to this, so we talked about a system where they earn their television time, extending to more than just studies - like 1 hour spent on constructive activities (physical, intellectual, whatever) earns 1 hour of television. He generally has a problem "taking back" a punishment and did not want to do it here, but he said that seemed like a reasonable new punishment. He even suggested that she have the choice between the two punishments. I countered that it shouldn't be thought of as a punishment - it should be a new house policy. Punishments should be temporary and severe enough to deter future behavior. THIS, however, should be permanent and while it may feel unpleasant, it's to help them be better people, just like their chores. Also, SD10 has no reason to be punished, but this will certainly apply to her as well.

So, my questions for you more experiences parental units: is it always a bad idea to take back a punishment when it was promised? Should he replace that punishment with something else, AND the new policy? Should he act like this new policy IS the new punishment?

I contend that it's okay to say you were mistaken and not punish at all (that doesn't seem like "caving" to me); but present the new policy as a result of the situation. Am I wrong?