Here's our brood...

SD16 is not really DH's biological child. BM cheated, got knocked up, DH decided to try to "do the right thing" and be a father to the child. They divorced later, she established paternity in the real father and now SD has two dads. That's the oldest. The middle two are SS12 and SD15. They are both "exceptional" children. SS is moderately mentally handicapped with all kinds of letters in his diagnosis - ADHD, ODD, PDD, etc. SD is mildly mentally handicapped with a serious speech impediment and lots of letters in her diagnosis, as well. Then we have my BS10. He is actually from my first marriage, but my ex-husband gave up his rights and after we got married, DH adopted him. Then we have one biological child together, BD4.

Forget yours, mine and ours. We have a yours, mine, ours and theirs family, but they are brothers and sisters, period. Legally, I guess the younger four would be half-siblings and the oldest would be half-siblings to the younger two skids and nothing to my kids, but we don't even distinguish. They are all five our kids, they are all brothers and sisters, they are all our family.

I'm definitely more the grumpy old bitch type than I am a Pollyanna, but having step-children or even having had a child myself with someone else really didn't affect the experience of us having a child together. I had two miscarriages with DH, as well, and I can honestly say that each pregnancy, even the ones that didn't result in a live birth, was a unique experience in and of itself.

There's going to be some distinction, considering the ages of his older children, but regardless of how long it's been or how old they are, they are still going to be your child's siblings. The thing I struggle with the most with my own skids is that their mother has done a bang-up job of totally alienating my husband, me and our children from the lives of her children. That means that MY kids, who are younger, are growing up not even knowing what their half-siblings are like. Our daughter is only four. She was two the last time she saw her other brother and her sisters. She's growing up not even knowing her other siblings. And I think that's sad, that these kids are brother and sister, and yet they are growing up apart and having no relationship with one another. It's bad enough that she succeeded in taking the skids away from their dad/my husband, but she's also taken them away from their brother and sister, MY children. As much as you don't like the idea of your skids being your child's siblings, they are. And someday your child may want a relationship with them. I wouldn't decide that for him/her. I would want to maintain and open-door policy, just in case. I don't know how I'm going to explain the skids' absence from my daughter's life when someday she's old enough to ask and understand. Think very long term here. Family is forever.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

I have a half sister 15 years younger than me. There was never any distinction. She was my sister period. Still is, and we are very, very close. We talk many times a week and try to see each other any time we can despite living thousands of miles from each other. The only time I even mention she is a half sister is on this site, but in all ways, shapes and forms, she is my whole, complete sister. She has truly enriched my life.

I'm so happy for you.

d