The problem is not the kids...it's the Biological Parent vs. the Step Parent
I am the SM of two SS's 10 and 11. SS11 has ADHD and Asperger's syndrome (autism spectrum)and I brought him to the Dr.'s for his school physical. He is an extreme picky eater and I brought a list of foods he does eat. I was told he is over weight and lives on dairy and carbs (I knew this and relayed this to his BF). BF and SS's were told no soda, no junk food, to eat 4 to 5 fruits and veggies etc. (the "normal healthy eating speech).
Yesterday, BF took them to Subway. BF made sure to tell me they had no chips or cookies. I asked if they had soda. BF said the 11 year old did, but he and 10 had water. I reminded him again, no soda. BF said, Okay, next time he'll have no soda.
Later in the day for supper, we went to a Mexican restaurant with the ss's and met up with sd 32 with her kids 3 and 6 mos. I arrived 15 mins later and saw ss's with soda and chips and salsa.
Also, yesterday SS10 was copping and attitude about getting into his football uniform to go to his game. He broke his thumb a week ago and can't play for 4 to 6 weeks. BM, BF and I believe he needs to go to games to support his team ( the only thing all 3 of us are on board with). The problem wasn't really going but putting on his uniform pants. He finally put them on after telling 5 times. Just before leaving he said to me he wanted to switch his DSi game for another one. I asked him "Do you think I should give you a game to play after all the difficulty you gave your father and I about getting ready and making your bed?" of course he said "yes" and I said no. He said "fine" and walked away. I relayed all of this to BF. BF agreed that he shouldn't be rewarded for bad behavior. 5 hours later...BF gives him a DSi game.
Part of me feels as if I'm putting too much time, effort and care into these kids if Dad is going agree and then do the opposite.
I would like to walk away from parenting them and let BF be totally responsible. When I do that, then BF makes it my issue. He claims I retreat from he and the kids, I'm not involved enough with the "family" or that I say it's my way or the highway.
I don't think I'm a harsh and demanding SM or BM. I have boundaries and requirments in our home. I am trying to help my SS health concerns.
I could really use some help on how to deal with all of this!!
My ss has a heart condition
My ss has a heart condition where he is supposed to eat healthy food for any normal person. Yes he can have fast food every once in a while and not so much fat so it doesn't clog up arteries. DH does really good at keeping this in check however BM loves burger king, taco bell, del taco etc......
Sadly if biological parent doesn't want to 100% get on board then there has to be a point where you need to step back and not care anymore. It's their kid not yours even though i know it's very hard to step back. At least when you are home you know he is getting the good food that he needs but if dad doesn't care enough that is his fault not yours. if the doctor says kid is in bad shape that is his biological parents fault not yours.
hang in there and it might take something big to change dads mind
Oh I've heard this. Mine used
Oh I've heard this. Mine used to say "you just take your toys and go home" I say yep, because I have to deal with the consequences of your poor decisions while they are here.
Its not you. They want you do go along with the coddling and child worship too. When you don't worship their child like they do, they get upset and say its your problem.
Well today I stayed to
Well today I stayed to myself. I watched a movie, kept updates on "Irene" hurricane and cleaned my bedroom and bathroom. Kids and I hardly interacted and the same thing goes with hubby too. He spent the day fiddling about outside after the hurricane left and played with the kids. After not seeing him for the whole afternoon, I decided at dinner time to make myself a quick supper. He came upstairs and asked what we were doing for dinner and when he saw my meal he said "Oh I see you've already taken care of that. I guess you don't want to eat with us. We can figure it out ourselves."
He left the house with the boys to eat out. We have plenty of food here for him to fix but he wants me to do it.
I am so confused about what it is he really wants from me. Right now I feel as if I'm good enough be a babysitter, house keeper, feed'em and run them around. But forget the fact that we BOTH need to parent these boys together. Supporting one another is half the battle.
He wants you to just do it
He wants you to just do it his way.
I agree he wants you to do it
I agree he wants you to do it HIS way. I wold start slowly backing away and not say anything. Maybe start doing first don;t say anything about his health then every time bf wants you to take them somewhere or what ever you already have plans and can't do it. Then start not saying anything when they do anything wrong. Just pretend you didn't see it. You get the idea. }:)
This morning he said he wants
This morning he said he wants to "talk". It will be interesting to hear what he has to say. He probably won't bring up his lack of consistency in parenting, just my withdrawl. He also wants to file for sole custody of the boys...that will probably be his topic of discussion. I so appreciate everyone's support. Thank God for this website!!!