Yesterday was only Monday
So yesterday was a visit with BM. She took the kids to Mcdonalds and filled them with soda btw she knows its a rule for them not to have soda. The boys came home bouncing off the walls! Saying how awesome their visit was because their mom let them have soda. Awesome. So I start doing dishes to ignore this positive talk about this woman she is so irritating. Water starts coming into my sink. The upstairs apartment is putting spaghetti down the drain and its coming up in my sink. I turn off my water and have my SO help get the water out. We have big bowls and filling them up and throwing them out into the street. Its disgusting. My SO goes upstairs and says nicely to stop running water the maintenance guy is coming in the morning. I keep getting more and more water. My SO is not confrontational and neither am I but when you are outright disrespectful I become confrontational. I go upstairs and tell me again nicely please stop running water my kitchen is flooding. These kids are doing dishes I can see them through the screen their father hears me and proceeds to tell me that his kids have 10 more min of dishes and then they will stop. ????? What?? Um no you will stop now because my kitchen is flooding maybe you didnt hear that part. He said again they have 10 more min and they will be done. I told if they will continue then you will come downstairs and get the water out of my kitchen. He says he will call management on me...........I told him call him. I dont understand why people are so rude.....why BM cant get her act together........why cant she follow the simple rules we have I mean yesterday was only monday.
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Bm can't give her kids
Bm can't give her kids soda?It's an actual rule?Ok but if the situation were reversed and BM dared tell you or your DH that you may not give the children soda you'd be complaining about how controlling and bossy she is and how psycho she is for not allowing a kid to have a soda once in a while.I'm by no means pro bm but this just says 'control freak' to me.then you expect the people upstairs to stop their life just because your kitchen is flooding?they were jerks about it but really who are you to tell them to stop doing their dishes?
Am I wrong here?Seriously think about it.If ANY of our BMs demanded that we NEVER give our skids something like a chocolate bar or soda every woman on here KNOWS they'd be throwing a fit talking about 'see this woman is psycho.she always has to be in control of everything.why does she get to tell me how to run my own house?if the skids want a soda every now and then who is she to tell me they can't when they're in my house"
Just sayin...
BM has told BF that the kids
BM has told BF that the kids are not allowed to have Slurpees. Apparently it upsets their stomachs. I dunno, but FSD threw a little tantrum about it this weekend (BF dealt with her and told her that if she had a problem with it then she should consult her mother). I think there's a couple other things that the kids aren't "allowed" to have, but they're things we don't get them anyway. They don't eat a lot of junk at our house, but sometimes BF would pick them up a Slurpee while he was out buying cigarettes. I dunno, it's kind of annoying to have a "rule" set by BM, but it's not like she's telling us that the kids can only eat vegetarian food.
i can understand the whole
i can understand the whole sink issue and maybe explain to them that what they are doing is causing issues in your kitchen instead of "keep it up and you can come clean my kitchen" or called managment yourself,
and no pop rule? if that was me as bm..........i'd be "controling" is there a medical issue that bm is neglecting that means "no pop"
The upstairs neighbors are
The upstairs neighbors are continuing to run water which is causing my kitchen to flood no one thinks this is bad??? I dont understand. They are causing damage and dont care. I called management to get the kitchen unclogged but they said they could only make it in the am and my SO went up there to ask them nicely to stop and they dont care. If someone was causing damage in your home would you let the water just keep coming?? The rule about soda was here when I got here the kids bounce of walls with tiniest bit soda and she has them an hour every other week is it really that hard in an hour to give them juice really?? I am not control freak just respect rules that she knows we have for an hour. I am not saying she can never do anything or she has to raise them my way but an hour really I have to watch them the rest of the time. When they get home they have to do homework and being loaded with sugar do you think they concentrate or sit still for 2 sec no they dont they are kids.
no we are not saying that
no we are not saying that them running water and ruining your home is not a problem.....
what i am saying imo is how YOU handled it. the first time your dh went up stairs and asked them to quit running water should've been the ONLY time. did anyone explain to the neighbor's what was going on? regardless, after the first time, management should've been called. do they not have a 24 hr emergency maint? that's who i would've called in the first place
as far as bm givign them pop, just for one hour they had pop, big deal?? :?
maybe it was just a day that nothing was going right for you? we all have those days
no we are not saying that
no we are not saying that them running water and ruining your home is not a problem.....
what i am saying imo is how YOU handled it. the first time your dh went up stairs and asked them to quit running water should've been the ONLY time. did anyone explain to the neighbor's what was going on? regardless, after the first time, management should've been called. do they not have a 24 hr emergency maint? that's who i would've called in the first place
as far as bm givign them pop, just for one hour they had pop, big deal?? :?
I have to say, I would be
I have to say, I would be irritated if she caffeinated them then gave them back to me to deal with. I would prefer she just keep them then.
then be irritated, i do that
then be irritated, i do that all the time with kids i take care of, my neice's step kids, MY OWN DD
i'll sugar them up just before they go home-it's called spoiling the kids
i would be completed annoyed
i would be completed annoyed with it as well.but I wouldn't have the audacity to make a rule for them and expect the mother to follow the rule I made while she has them.druggie or not she's going to do whatever she wants with them while it's on her time.try for supervised visits to be put in place if you want to make rules for the bm to follow.otherwise you're at the mercy of her bad choices.
agreed
agreed
Yes it is bad but people
Yes it is bad but people today are very rude.Thinking that people will care about other people is pointless. Where do you think these kids get it from today?? Its not a birth defect its a parent defect. As for the soda, I think you have every right to make a rule like that. we set rules in OUR house that work for us. Part time mom wants to be there friend and let them do what they want cause then she is the cool one. Can't afford to pay support for 6 years, sleeps most of their visit and doesn't care what they do...yep shes too awesome. I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong. they don't know your kids or your situation. people would probably croak if they heard some of my rules but who the hell cares. You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do. My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand
"My goal isn't that my kids
"My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand"
Like
Yes it is bad but people
Yes it is bad but people today are very rude.Thinking that people will care about other people is pointless. Where do you think these kids get it from today?? Its not a birth defect its a parent defect. As for the soda, I think you have every right to make a rule like that. we set rules in OUR house that work for us. Part time mom wants to be there friend and let them do what they want cause then she is the cool one. Can't afford to pay support for 6 years, sleeps most of their visit and doesn't care what they do...yep shes too awesome. I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong. they don't know your kids or your situation. people would probably croak if they heard some of my rules but who the hell cares. You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do. My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand
Yes it is bad but people
Yes it is bad but people today are very rude.Thinking that people will care about other people is pointless. Where do you think these kids get it from today?? Its not a birth defect its a parent defect. As for the soda, I think you have every right to make a rule like that. we set rules in OUR house that work for us. Part time mom wants to be there friend and let them do what they want cause then she is the cool one. Can't afford to pay support for 6 years, sleeps most of their visit and doesn't care what they do...yep shes too awesome. I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong. they don't know your kids or your situation. people would probably croak if they heard some of my rules but who the hell cares. You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do. My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand
Yes it is bad but people
Yes it is bad but people today are very rude.Thinking that people will care about other people is pointless. Where do you think these kids get it from today?? Its not a birth defect its a parent defect. As for the soda, I think you have every right to make a rule like that. we set rules in OUR house that work for us. Part time mom wants to be there friend and let them do what they want cause then she is the cool one. Can't afford to pay support for 6 years, sleeps most of their visit and doesn't care what they do...yep shes too awesome. I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong. they don't know your kids or your situation. people would probably croak if they heard some of my rules but who the hell cares. You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do. My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand
Yes it is bad but people
Yes it is bad but people today are very rude.Thinking that people will care about other people is pointless. Where do you think these kids get it from today?? Its not a birth defect its a parent defect. As for the soda, I think you have every right to make a rule like that. we set rules in OUR house that work for us. Part time mom wants to be there friend and let them do what they want cause then she is the cool one. Can't afford to pay support for 6 years, sleeps most of their visit and doesn't care what they do...yep shes too awesome. I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong. they don't know your kids or your situation. people would probably croak if they heard some of my rules but who the hell cares. You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do. My goal isn't that my kids like me or think I am cool...I want my kids to be productive members of society not spoiled ignorant people that other people can't stand
no they are not "wrong" rules
no they are not "wrong" rules however, your key words are "part time mom" your dh has custody of them for a reason.
"we set rules in OUR house that work for us"--don't mean bm or anyone else will follow the rules
"I have learnt that just because other people don't like your rules doesn't make them wrong"-no that doesn't make them wrong but doesn't mean someone else will enforce them either
"You don't live in my house and you don't deal with the things I do"-no, i'm simply going off of what you posted here.
good luck, hope tomorrow is better for you
~~~~~~X here's a flower
Well in our case, in which we
Well in our case, in which we have full custody...she has no rights. Does she have to follow our rules? Well um if she doesn't want to go back to court, then yes she does. We set rules for a reason and just because she wants to be there friend doesn't mean she will break them. yes there are some things we let go of when they go there but not all of it.
Sorry to hear about your
Sorry to hear about your neighbors. That sucks and I hope it's resolved soon!
As far as the kids go, I agree with the other posters who said you can't really control what BM gives them. For instance, the BM of my SS7 gives him Lunchables. I would NEVER give him or any child those things because I'm a bit of a health nut, but what can I say about what she feeds her child? When he's in her care, she's in charge. But he knows that he will NEVER get that crap when he's in our home.
The soda rule wasnt something
The soda rule wasnt something I made up lol that is something he had before I got in the picture and he told me that was something she agreed with. So she knows and just does stuff like this to bug us. The kids cant focus and for the rest of the night I hear we went to mcdonalds my mom is cool she gave us soda because she knows we dont do that. So she gets to party, do drugs (thats why they were taken from her), and be her druggy drunk self and the kids thinks shes cool but when the real parent ME comes along and says no soda lets do homework or bakes cookies for bake sale or doesnt movie night I am not cool thats just expected because I am sm. So thats why I get irritated she gets to do something so cheap and no annoying and she is the coolest woman on earth but when I really parent I am the sm and its expected. it annoys me
i can see how it does, and
i can see how it does, and vent on...but that's why currently and obviously before YOU are more a mom than she'll EVER be and 1 day the kids will see that and thank you for it and be the "coolest mom ever"
I get scared that they will
I get scared that they will look back and think god my real mom was always so cool and nice and my sm was a bitch and I love them so I dont want them to feel that way about me later. I want them to love me and say my sm made me a good person, taught me manners, respect, and she loved me. Thats my goal.
This is gross, and I probably
This is gross, and I probably couldn't have done it, but I would have been tempted to.
After explaining the situation to the neighbors, I would have been tempted to leave it, call management emergency line and tell them they need to send a clean up crew as well as a plumber. I know with kids its gross... but hey, not my property. That's why you rent.
OK is there a medical reason?
OK is there a medical reason? Because recent research has proven that soda and sugar doesn't hype kids up. It is the expectation that it does. Now if the kids are never allowed the stuff and they go to McDs for an hour and have a soda of course their mother is cooler than you.
So why not make it easier on yourselves? Give them a small cup of soda every 2 days. And see what REALLY happens. Are they REALLY being idiots or are they reacting to the novelty of having soda .. "OMG! Soda! OMG! Soda!" Now would you tell a teen girl she cannot ever listen to Justin Beeber anymore because she acts like a lunatic when she listens to his music or sees him on TV?
You can actually make it normal for them to have a small drink of soda and even make them adjust to having it. So the next time their mother thinks she is messing with you the kids will not react accordingly.
They may also be freaking out because they are kids and have been allowed to run around like idiot kids on the playground equipment. Normal kid behaviour. They were letting off steam and continue to do so when they get back to you. Giggling and behaving goofy.
I am speaking as a mother of 4 and an aunt of many and a teacher. Kids don't behave like crazy loons on soda. The sugar rush lasts 20 mins tops. If they REALLY are behaving this way get them tested for drug allergies because what they put in soda is in lots of other food as well. And are the kids looping out the other foods as well?
As for your neighoburs ... rude. But your management company should send someone out immediately. When we lived in an apartment DH always played the scenario up ... "There is water pouring out of our sink and we can't keep up with it. It will be flooding over the sink in a minute and destroying the cabinets (their responsibility and they will not want to replace cabinets) and on the floor. OMG! It will reach the carpet! (Ditto carpet, they will not want to replace/dry out carpet = cost them money).
Recent research? What
Recent research? What studies?
I have read research similar to this one
Caffeine use in children: What we know, what we have left to learn, and why we should worry. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, Volume 33, Issue 6, June 2009, Pages 793-806
Caffeine is a central nervous system stimulant. How can you say that it doesn't affect activity levels in children or adults?
I was wondering this as well.
I was wondering this as well. What specific research said sugar has no effect on kids? My skids don't get to eat a ton of sugar and if they get so much as a tiny bit of hot chocolate they're bouncing off the walls. SD11 can eat a bunch of grapes and totally lose it. Even I can drink a Mountain Dew and feel like a total spaz and I'm a hardcore, black coffee drinker. I don't think that's just perception.
I would also like to see this
I would also like to see this research also.
So when I have drank 5 Cokes in one day I am not really hyper and awake, I just think I am?
:?
oooh oooh I wanna see the
oooh oooh I wanna see the research too!lol I will be so thrilled when i have real solid evidence that my coffee isn't the culprit of my insomnia!