Step Brat on my last nerve :(
I'm new at this whole step-mom thing. We aren't actually married, but we live together. We get his daughter (who just turned 7) every other weekend. I've tried countless times to get my boyfriend to discipline his child, but have no success with it. In his mind, if he disciplines her, she won't want to come back. He sets no ground rules with her, whatever she wants she gets. I'm to my breaking point. The weekends we have her I try to find something to do just to get away. I sign up to work extra, go shopping, go out with friends, or just take a long drive. When she's not here (which is most of the time) my boyfriend and I are the happiest couple in the world. Anyways, I babysat for 10 years of my life and NEVER had to deal with a child this bratty. Here's some examples of the things that bother me:
*I work night shift and have to sleep during the day. She has no respect for letting me sleep. Therefore I become upset and cranky and yell.
*She is the pickiest eater ever, and my boyfriend basically encourages it. If she doesn't like what we eat for dinner I tell her she can eat what we have or not eat at all. My boyfriend on the other hand will cater to her and let her eat chips and cookies and whatever she wants just so she doesn't go home and complain that daddy doesn't feed her.
*She throws temper tantrums, complete with screaming and crying over the stupidest things. Example...the restaurant we went to last night with my parents for dinner didn't have Pepsi products, they had Coke. She wanted Mt Dew and they didn't have it. She started screaming and crying over this. I was embarrassed because everyone was staring at us. And my boyfriend didn't seem to mind. This happens EVERY time we go out in public...to the point that I won't go anywhere with them if I don't have to.
*My parents even tell me they've never seen a child so dramatic and bratty as her. They always ask me why my boyfriend doesn't discipline her. My dad even said if she was his kid, he'd light her ass on fire to set her straight.
*She terrorizes the cats to no end. No matter how many times my boyfriend and I both yell at her for it, she continues to do it. They're usually friendly and always out. But every time she comes over they hide all weekend because they hate her.
*No matter how many times we tell her to clean up her toys before she goes back to her mom's, she won't do it. I think she gets more out just to spite us.
*No matter how many times I've told her trash goes in the trash can, she still continues to shove trash under the couch, under the bed, in her toy box, anywhere but the trash can. I have to clean the house top to bottom every time she leaves.
*Like I said, I babysat for 10 years. She is by far messier and more accident prone than any child I've ever seen. Again, another reason I have to clean constantly when she's here.
*She refuses to take a bath/shower. It's to the point her mom doesn't care anymore and when she comes here she smells. We have to literally force her into the tub, wash her fast, and deal with screaming, kicking, etc in the process.
*I don't know where it comes from, but I find opened candy stuck everywhere. She hoards it and no matter how many times I've gone through her room when she's gone to find and destroy the sweets, there still ends up more.
*She can't sleep without the TV on. And no matter how many times we turn it down, she turns it up so it's blaring loud.
*She is a major drama queen...worse than the girls I went to high school with.
*She refuses to sleep in her room. She HAS to sleep on the couch or in the living room. Even though we have a TV in her room. She claims that's where she sleeps "at mommy's" and apparently mommy sleeps with her. We've asked about this and it's not true.
*She makes up the most insane lies about what mommy lets her do.
I could go on forever here...but I'm sure no one is still reading this. I feel like I can't put her brattiness to justice by writing about it. Even though my boyfriend and I are so happy when she's not there, I'm afraid she's going to be the end of our relationship. I find myself dreading the weekends she's coming. It's gotten to the point when she's here that we scream at each other over his non-discipline for her. I don't feel comfortable disciplining her, but I do have to enforce some rules. And no matter how mad my boyfriend gets over the things she does, he won't discipline. I'm afraid that she's going to get worse and more manipulative as she gets older. I used to want children, but now I am completely turned off of the idea of kids. I used to love children, but now I can't stand them. I know it's different when they're your own, but I can't fathom the idea of having one anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. We have 11 more years of this until she's 18.
Please help! I need opinions/ideas/anything to help me get through this! I don't want to lose the love of my life...his only flaw is his daughter.
Hi , I'm new to this site-and
Hi ,
I'm new to this site-and felt compelled to answer your submission. I'm almost in the very same situation as you-except I did marry him and now she is 5 1/2 years older! I have tried to be very hands on as a step-parent-when she was 8 years old the tantrums wer amazing to say the least to me. (I also have no children of my own) Finally since everyone babied her during these "fits" I started sending her to her room-telling her I didn't want to be around someone kicking and screaming and once she feels better she can come out. Once I stopped paying attention to it she stopped the tantrums! This took about 4 months of just putting her in her room and telling her to cry by herself and when she felt happy again to come out and join the rest of us. I also found food all over the house-especially in her room-I still do and now she is 14! She has had a weight problem all of her life and I started taking her to the Dr. when she was 8 to try and get the weight down in a healthy way. My husband like yours doesn't disipline and neather does her mother so now I have a 14 year old that weighs 185lbs and is very unhealthy! Because no one wanted to help me with it-she gave up on the diet. (which wasn't a bad one at all) Dr. said she was on her way to juvenille diabetis. (runs in the family) The hoarding hasn't stopped and in fact has gotton worse! I was also told this could be from not getting enough to eat in the other household. I dont know why she does it-because she has always had the freedom to get in the refrigerator as much as she wants. (The diet she was on consisted of eating healthy-still having deserts once a day and it was mostly portion control and watching how she ate.) All of us ate the same things to make her not feel left out. She was also aloud to stay up and now she stays up all hours of the night-she cusses at me-she puts me down and she doesn't do any chores. It does get worse when they get older!!! So please, let your husband read this-she won't want to stop seeing you/him because she is disiplined! Kids need that to turn into productive adults! She also gets bad grades in school and has no respect for me or my husband. This is about 6 years later! Like you, I start to dread when she comes and she is here 7 days on 7 days off-so the week gets rather long. She also doesnt use the trash can and my husband gets mad at me when I tell him things she says or does. He refuses to look. So like you I'm stuck. We have the perfect relationship 2 weeks a month! This has also taken a toll on my health-keeping things in all the time. She actually challenges me! So I'm afraid this is what you both have to look forward too because it doesn't get better. She wants to be the lady of the house-and he lets her do whatever she wants. Kinda like an ostrich burrying his head in the sand! I also could go on and on-but I'll stop here. I hope things change for you-because it feels like its too late for me. I love my husband dearly-but 4 more + years of this-I dont know how long I can take being second best.
I know how you feel, my
I know how you feel, my boyfriend is exactly the same way with his daughter. He has joint custody so he has her every other week for the whole week. When she is not around, we are happy and things seem perfect. Then he gets her back & everything pretty much sucks. I can't stand the little brat. I even got a part time job so I can go to work when she is around (also have full time day job). He asked me why am I getting another job, he wants me around, blah blah blah, but I don't want to be around when she is around!