They're already spoiled, now what do I do?
I've been with my BF for almost 2 years now. I moved in over a year ago and have been living with him and his 2 kids p/t ever since. Their BM is extremely insecure and I think is threatened by me so to make up for it she buys them EVERYTHING they ask for WHENEVER they ask for it. For example, the girl just had her birthday. Beforehand I told her I would get her a desk because she really wanted one and I figured she would enjoy helping to pick it out. The next day BM bought her a desk, and a week previously bought her a new $400 bike, but not for her birthday. She got them just because... her birthday presents came later like a new iTouch, 2 shopping sprees at her favorite clothing store, more than $100 cash and tickets to broadway. It was really upsetting because the fact that a desk is a 'whatever' gift from her BM makes it mean less when coming from me.
Then there's the tantrums. Both the 10 year old and 6 year old throw tantrums when they don't get what they want. No dessert (because you dont get dessert after every meal) is literally a jumping up and down, crying, shouting mess and then the 10 year old runs upstairs and texts her BM about how horrible and unfair we are. Honestly I just dont know what to do. I love my BF more than anything but his kids behavior is incomprehensible to me. Never would I have gotten away with the smart mouth remarks, they don't say thank you for gifts, they throw their stuff where ever and expect us to be maids, any 'no' results in a whine and tears... I feel like the bad guy for wanting to instill respect in them.
I don't shout, I don't yell, I just tell them, "If you don't do (this) then you won't get (this)..." or whatever. So naturally, I'm evil. It's so hurtful.
I truly empathize with
I truly empathize with you....
you are NOT out of line for demanding respect and obedience in your home. If there's not going to be any dessert, then that's that...its settled. If SKs are going to throw tantrums because of no dessert, there should be consequences.
The two most important factors, though, are that you and BF are on the same page regarding rules, consequences and follow-through, and that you present a united front to both SKs and BM when needed.
And don't worry about the gifts and shopping sprees....I for one can hardly recall three gifts that I received as a child, but I can surely remember the wonderful times I shared with my parents doing everything from the mundane to the adventurous!
The more you focus on what's going on at BMs house, the more you lose sight of what's going on in your own....
Good Luck to you.
I am so glade i came across
:jawdrop: I am so glade i came across this site..I have recently become involved in a relationship with a wonderful man who adores me as i do him...Here is the deal...He has almost full custody of his 2yrd daughter whos FAVORITE WORD is NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!to everything....which he only laughs at....come here..NO come eat...NO..say Hi..NO...it can get totally anoying and its also rude and wont stop as long as he laughs it off.....I know she is only two but you have to start somewhere or else as she gets older it will get worse...He als o has a 11 yr old son who comes down for summer and holidays...He is the smartist 11 yr old i have ever met. But is also rude and disrepectful to his father and anyone else that is around he butts into adult conversation rolls his eyes...talks above his father is never satisfed and just selfish....This kid is 11 still trys to hold daddy hand even in public..wants to sleep with him...acts like a straight up 6 yr old boy not 11...I understand he craves his fathers attention and that this is the only time he gets to spend with him..and well chooses to let things slide..or ingores them..so he ca nenjoy the time he has with his son...but at 11 you should know right from wrong and there should be a consicuence for your actions...as in life..you screw up you pay....same applies to parenting..he gets annoied if anymore comments on the clides bahavor but if your not correct your children other eventually will put in there 2 cents....noe my amazing man is talking moving in...and as much as i do feel like this could be amazing with him..that journey to hell im not willing to take.....i explained that as much as i love him i know my limits and until they develop repect and manners (which costs nothing..but means everything) is learned...i cannot do it..and i dont want to always be the bad guy..I am not a quite person.I have always spoke my mind..this is not one i can keep quite on either....he asked why i dont say something if i see the kid acting that way...Myrespeonce was my mouth is not child proof or potty trained and i am not his mother to displine him nor been in his life long enought to do that..that is is the parent and must take charge,,,am i wrong here did i over step my bounderies????idk..i just am torn becasue i do love him..ido..i just dont know if i could ever love his kids..and thats all he askes for...help...please!