Violent 11 year old SS
My SS (who lives with us full time) has ADHD and ODD. In the last 6 months his violent tendencies are increasing. He's throwing things (at walls, at windows) and he's repeatedly run at me with fists, clearly wanting to hit me. He stops before striking me when I threaten police intervention. He's in therapy, takes meds. My husband has miles of patience for this kid cause it's son, his only child. The kid is disrespectful, lies all the time, pees/craps himself cause he's "too busy" or too lazy to get up and use the toilet. (He's physically fine, no bowel or bladder problems). Husband feels the kid got the shaft from birth mother (drug user, untreated mental issues, etc). I can only blame the birth mother so much. We've had the kid a year and welcomed him with loving, open arms. He's never appreciated it. He's never satisfied. Never has enough.
I want to leave. My INTENSE dislike for this kid is getting stronger than my love for my husband.
Anyone in a similar situation??
Time for a full lockdown life
Time for a full lockdown life of abject misery for this kid between therapy sessions.
How about sending him back to mommy?
I'd love to
I'd LOVE to send him back to his mom's. But she relinquished custody of him. She doesn't want him. She told my husband you take custody or I turn him over to the state. She did this because she was unable to control his violent outbursts and he was hitting her on a regular basis.
I feel bad that his mom doesn't want him. But now her f*cked up parenting is my daily nightmare.
Your DH needs the message
Your DH needs the message that he owes you loyalty and protection from this violent kid. I would nanny cam the crap out of that house so if you have to mace and hog tie this kid for your own safety that his violent crap is fully documented. DH needs to see what his kid is doing when daddy is not watching.
Good luck.
Take care of you.
Kids like this need clear
Kids like this need clear rules and structure, with consequences for poor behavior and acknowledgement/praise/rewards for spontaneous good behavior (ie, doing things on his own without being asked). Is DH providing that for him?
In my area they also have other services that can support families dealing with kids like him - difficult now, with no one providing services in the home, but they may be able to support you remotely.
Sorry, kids like this are tough. Obviously, you can't really mace and hog tie him, but you should involve the police or other crisis services as needed. And DH needs to really take a hard line about SS threatening you. Feeling sorry for SS because his mother was a crappy parent won't help.
I would seriously look into
I would seriously look into if any of his BM mental illnesses could be genetic.
he sounds like a real challenge and has the potential to be very dangerous. The willingness to pee and poop himself at 11 along with the violent outbusrts is alarming.
But the fact that he also had enough self control to stop himself when you mention calling the police.... tells me he is in control of himself. That makes his behavior more dangerous in my mind
OMG this is awful. Living in
OMG this is awful. Living in fear inside your home....no no noooooooo. 11yr old defecating on himself ???
Nope just nope.
SS requires more than dh is able to give him.
Sometimes situations are bigger than we are. This is one of them.
I am so sorry---I would be finding my own place. This would require dh to deal with this every day, all day long.
If DH is not going to be there for SS
24/7. Then you should be looking for some lock down place for SS. I agree BM mental illness or being on drugs when pregnant is most likely the cause and can not be fixed. EVER !!!
Oh, DH knows
My hubs is right there when it happens. But there is always an excuse (he's tired, he's stressed out, he's feeling bad today.......). DH knows all about this. SS treats his dad like shit, too. He's defiant, angry, throws stuff - my DH sees it all. The kids mom is bipolar (diagnosed) and I think the kid is showing signs. Today he wouldn't go outside and play. Stood in the corner, arms crossed, saying no, no, no, no....... It was a beautiful blue sky day here. But no. He had a video chat with his therapist today and he told her that he isn't answering questions anymore. And then he ignored her. He said "nope" about 25 times and tuned out.
Is it horrible that the sound of his voice makes me feel sick? I've lost my compassion. Also today he passed all over the toilet and left a puddle on the floor.
I fantasize about leaving........ Oh and what's your thought on a summer babysitter? I'm not watching that hellion every day!
I would insist on the summer
I would insist on the summer baby sitter, at the baby sitter's home.
smh
Sympathy to the sitter in
Sympathy to the sitter in advance though. Sigh
Odds are the sitter will fire
Odds are the sitter will fire the kid in short order and daddy will eventually have to reconfigure his summer work schedule or find a summer behavioral correction boarding boot camp for his toxic spawn.
Oh it's totally possible that
Oh it's totally possible that his voice can make you sick. Every time my SS12 talk in his high pitch tone (I get it, he's autistic, and it's "not his fault") it drives me nuts. I can literally feel my heart beats faster whenever he talks. That is just his "normal" talking voice, not the yelling/arguing tone. So I really feel you.
I seriously think sometimes it's easier to raise a wall. Horrible to say maybe, but at least a wall won't talk back, won't scream, won't get your house dirty, and won't be picky on food.
Are you able to get a babysitter though? If you can I think you definitely should.
Indeed, the sight, sound and
Indeed, the sight, sound and smell of SS sickens me.
I have become OCD with regard to him. I keep Disinfectant with me and swab down anything he touches, especially if he's been in the bathroom. Grosses me out, but there is a specific reason for this. I'm always on the edge.
I developed very bad anxiety
I developed very bad anxiety issues last year. I had constant panic attack and they happened randomly, sometimes I don't even know what triggered it. I had problem commuting on the public transportation in those days. Not because I'm germophobic, but that I feared if I am away from home and I get sick I would not be able to make it home. It's all very illogical, and it hit me hard because I am a logical person. So...I feel your pain. (although we suffer differently)
My SS is almost a teen but not yet. I'm grateful that he doesn't have the teen smells yet. But keeping him clean his freaking hands is definitely not a joyful task. Especially during the pandemic...........