My bf of 11 months practically lives at my house. My son and daughter (dd) love him, my dd a little less than my son, but we have worked things out when there have been issues. Here's the prob.:
Dd is very outspoken, outgoing, sometimes bossy, "in charge", and very talented and intelligent. She is definitely my challenge, but on the other hand, she is very loving and giving. She has grown to really like my bf. She even called him "dad" recently, gasped, and then realized she wasn't going to get struck by lightning, so it was okay. My kids' dad is barely around, drops in when he can, etc. and since my bf has been around it has made dd want a relationship with her dad even more. It is very difficult on her...I can see it.
Things are good until the bf gets his kids (1 boy, 2 girls) eow. Lately they have stayed over at our house for the weekends. Even before they did, I realized that my bf is different to me and to my dd when he has his girls. My daughter is very bothered by this and acts out toward him because she is hurt. He is parenting out of guilt, and really doesn't see the things his kids do. They aren't bad kids, but he misses a LOT. His son and my son pretty much lock themselves in my son's room and play video games and stuff, so my dd and I are left to deal with bf and the girls (7,8). I can't really explain well what's going on, but it's all the little things. They are constantly fawning on each other, touching in some way or clinging. The 7 yr old baby talks and he doesn't even notice it. The girls are definitely put up on a pedestal, which even the boys find irritating. If he listed his priorities, it would be his daughters at the top, son at the bottom, and my kids and I not even on it. I have told him this. He doesn't really get it.
Well, this weekend, my bd started feeling slighted and acted out towards him, which pissed him off. So it finally hit me that he sees everything that she does as evil, with some sort of intention to bother him or lash out at him in some way. I could give examples, but just trust me...if she does something that a child her age would normally do, it's somehow worse when she does it. But if his kids were to do it, no big deal. After this weekend, I decided that I would not put my daughter through the emotional distress anymore. But I know as long as we get together at all (which we will bc the kids will want to) it may still be an issue. So my question is...how can a bio-dad handle this kind of situation where the girl he spends MORE time with is slighted when the girls he would RATHER spend time with are around? He is not a bad guy; just parenting out of guilt, and until he understands this, we will have an issue. How does a dad see this?! I don't know how to explain it to him so he understands! I have even given him clear examples, and he is in denial. There are times when I wonder if he is jealous that my daughter is so talented, and his daughters are just sort of there. They have no hobbies, no activities, really almost no personalities. They are much younger acting than their ages and while he blames the bm for babying them, I have seen this is his problem as well. So, any of you figure out how to deal with this without the emotional distress on the kids?