Advice please
Hi im just wanting some advice an feedback. My sd who is 17 has just told hubby shes pregnant!!!!! This sd an her bf lived with us for about 4 months. During this time they both disrespected me an my kids, even though i did everything for them giving them money, free food, free rent, supplying them well them helping themselves to everything we had. Now sd has told hubby she wants him at the birth with bio mum an i feel like once again the third wheel. I understand hubby loves his daughter but i feel like by hubby speaking to them its showing everyone that the way they treated me is fine, like hubby doesnt care one bit about me at all an my feelings. I know im just being a baby but i dont want my hubby being in the same room as bio mum, she is half the reason why my skids hate me. I feel like he will be their playing happy families with them an im not having any part in it. My sd has sent me a apology letter blah blah ive heard it all before this is the 3rd time she has done this to me. Gone home to bio an lied about me said i did this an that, spoke about my kids like their nothing an i get why as hubby has raised my kids an his kids have never been close to him at all due to bios lies an hate but thats neither my fault or my kids fault. My sd is acting like everything is fine an its not an never will be again. She has done me wrong time an time again. Even her bf lied to my sd an told her i said this an that about her when in fact it was hubby an her bf saying all this nasty stuff, i was sticking up for my sd after everything but now i dont know why i even bothered. I have been in my sd lives since they were 3. We were always close but now their older all they have for me is hate, an honestly i feel the same now. They have hurt me so very much im never going to forgive them. I have told hubby if he wants to speak to them then its up to him but deep down it hurts, i know hubby loves me but i feel like hes taking their side even though this sd also told lies to her bf about hubby too which hurt him alot. Im just over feeling like i dont matter when in fact ever since hubbys kids have bee
With us its always been me who has done everything for these kids, hubby hasnt lifted a finger not once but im always the bad one everytime. I know hubby would like to be their for his daughter an im not going to stop him but how do i pretend im ok with it when im not
Karma is a bitch and then you
Karma is a bitch and then you get pregnant at 17. Oh her life will never be the same! I hope they don't move back in with you. Put your foot down on that one and don't be a babysitter! She is going to have so many sleepless nights.......
~ Moon
Hell no, ive told hubby they
Hell no, ive told hubby they are both NEVER welcome in my home again!!
He wants to see them then he goes to visit. Funny thing is sd has never used
Protection once so we knew it was coming.
Oh hell no! Now she has
Oh hell no! Now she has another way she can manipulate her father - IF he allows her to.
Your hubby needs to tell her that he will NOT be at her birth if BM is going to be there and that he will visit her baby with YOU or not at all. He needs to send her a message that these are the consequences of her actions by hurting and disrespecting you when you tried to help her and her bf.
I would be absolutely LIVID with my SO if he went to her birth and played happy families with BM. Wrong message to send and justifies the disrespect.
As for having a child at 17? Well, I did - let me tell you it's bloody hard. My family were all living overseas at the time, and I was on my own - but I did it and I didn't need my daddee or my momee to come hold my hand.
I told hubby to tell sd that
I told hubby to tell sd that if bio is at the birth then he wont be but hubby has no balls at all. He acts like the good guy all the time but behind their backs, says exactly what im thinking. Bio mum has definitely done a bang up job on these kids, they are so twofaced an lie about anything an everything. This sd has lied even about bio mum abusing her which was not true just so she could live with us an we got her into private school an she lasted a week an went back to the apparent abusive bio
Oh yes an manipulate she
Oh yes an manipulate she will, she has already rang to ask daddy to buy her a car!!!!!
Why the F should we provide her with anything. She did this to herself, never even used
Protection, had sex under our roof, my daughter had to share a bed room with her brother to
Allow them to stay an the thanks we got was sd an bf used my daughters clothes to clean up after
Sex an then just put the clothes back in the cupboard!!!! Nice hey an im surpose to just forgive an
Forget, while here i cooked, cleaned, washed clothes, drove everywhere while hubby slept, an after
They left sd sent me a text telling me she wants nothing to do with me cause her bf told her i said
This an that about her!!!! I even took an payed for them both to get birth certificates, bank acounts,
Health care you name it. An the first thing she did when she left was post on FB stepmums evil fucks!!!!
Over it
"Allow them to stay an the
"Allow them to stay an the thanks we got was sd an bf used my daughters clothes to clean up after Sex an then just put the clothes back in the cupboard!!!!"..
O.M.G.!! I am so grossed out by this I can't even..!! aarrghh!! REVOLTING!!
I'm thinking you might have to drag your hubby off to a counsellor to sort this out. He'll need a professional point of view so he doesn't put all the blame on you and starts to resent you. He has to see that this will get worse and he should be protecting you and your marriage.
I can see your marriage suffering because he has given his balls over to his kid (man! what a horrible image!).
Disengage - and learn how to keep her out of your head. If he decides to support her, give in to her and visit her without you - then if it were me, I'd be letting him know that he's instigated the beginning of the end of us. Hopefully that'll wake him up.
He is being such a poor husband - funny how these disney dads seem to value their position as a dad more than as a husband. Just pathetic and so immature - definitely not someone you'd want to be married to, who you'd expect to value their vows and "love, protect and honour you" - maybe they'd prefer for these vows to be given to their precious kids upon their birth instead.
Yes agree thank you so
Yes agree thank you so much
Mind you i didnt find my daughters clothes until after they left an i was the one having to set my daughters room back up!
Hubby spoke to her an told her it was wrong an that was it! I havent an wont speak to either of them again. Mind you she still
Texts me an acts like everything is good i just ignore them. I value my marriage alot but i dont want to be selfish if hubby wants
To visit them then im ok with it, but im not going, speaking an they are not welcome into my home. If the day comes when hubby expects
Me to have them back in my home even for a visit ive told hubby thats the day i pack my bags an leave. this sd even put a used pad in our kitchen sink cause she couldnt be bothered walking out to the bin about 30cms away. Just must be the way bio has rasised them cause even with their periods they all go weeks without showers an when they finally do they just put their dirty undies back on!!!!!
I must say im a clean freak but come on thats over the top
Thank you tommar 24365 Im
Thank you tommar 24365
Im just insecure i guess due to being treated like crap
By these 2 for so long. I know they are going to be doing
It tough an mind you my sd didnt once use protection while
Living with us..... She got pregnant on purpose an now this poor
Baby is going to suffer. Bio mum had her at 15 so you would
Think she would want better for her own daughter but funny
Enough bio actually has been asking sd to make her a
Grandmother since she was 16
If she wants to alienate
If she wants to alienate you...
- no rides to doctor
- no free place for bf to live
- no encouragement and words of wisdom
- no baby shower
- no shopping for baby gear
- no monetary support
- no gifts
It's not revenge, it's a smack of reality in the face. You don't have to put up with it. It's cruel, twisted behavior.
Oh, and NO FREE BABYSITTING!
Thanks everyone, i agree with
Thanks everyone, i agree with you all. I just want to be able to be ok with hubby being their for his daughter cause im not an never will be, forums not long enough to actually say how much crap this sd an bf have done to me but you can imagine. They have done evil things to me an my kids an hubby but still hubby doesnt get why i get angry when she rings an wants to know how me an my kids are doing??!!!! She decided not to be part of my family the moment they treated us like shit so dont talk about me or my kids cause we are not your family or your buisness
The best part i guess is now
The best part i guess is now the skids all live 6 hours away from us so their is a silver lining
If my 17 yr old SD got
If my 17 yr old SD got pregnant, I can guarantee her mother would blame me and my husband even though we live 1600 miles away lol crazy ass bio moms! And my husbands family is stupid so they would be all excited.. Like it's ok to be a teen mom. I prays skids don't have babies for a loooooonnnnng time.. The world couldn't handle mini versions of my skids lol
OMG YES thats exactly what
OMG YES thats exactly what bio mum thinks!!!!
She thinks its great her daughter is taking her lead
An being a teen mom. Funny thing is sd seems to think
Its going to be just like the tv show teen mom
Where they all live in mansions an get married lol
Ewwwww, hadn't thought of
Ewwwww, hadn't thought of that... I don't want my parents looking at everything down there - ESPECIALLY not my dad - weird, gross. I wouldn't even want husband to see me birthing a child lest that image of my vag be burned in his mind forever.
Yes thats exactly what i
Yes thats exactly what i thought?
Who would want their father
At their birth???? To me its rather wrong lol
Personally after all the shit this little B has put
Me through i hope its a 48 hour labour an hurts
Like hell
You allowed sd and her bf to
You allowed sd and her bf to live together with you? And she's 17??? Your dh allowed this??? Not only was SS failed by this but so were your kids.
Yeah unfortunatly sd was
Yeah unfortunatly sd was living with bio mum an bio mum said her bf had to go so they both ran away and of course begged to cone live with us cause they were living on the street( which we found out later was a lie they were living with bf mother. Anyway i said yes as i didnt want my sd on the street at 16 even after her twice doing me wrong before. My daughter gave up her room for them and then the whole time they were here all they did was disrespect me, my kids an hubby. Sd even lied to bf an told him hubby was ringing her abusing her over the phone before they arrived!!!!!! Something that never happened she wasnt even here for 1 day before she started talking behind my back an disrespecting me. The funny thing is the whole time i did eveything for them both, hubby slept. Found out when it comes to what i want hubbys kids have always came first no matter how it makes me feel. And beleive me it was hell living in my own house feeling like an outsider. Final came to i told hubby they have to go an they did, sd didnt even pretend to say goodbuy to me an totally ignored my kids an me, now she expects me to just kiss an make up lol never going to happen
Thanks sally yes ive said
Thanks sally yes ive said that all ready, neither of them are welcome in my home again, dont care if hubby has to choose i will just leave an he can deal with them cause my kids an me have been through enough of his selfish B kids to last a life time. Thank god ive brought my kids up right. They are all in highschool an show both me, hubby an everyone they meet respect
I'm grossed out at the
I'm grossed out at the thought of my dad being present at my births. I LOVE my dad, but there's no way in hell that I would want him there...ever. I didn't even want my mom in the room. Then again, I wasn't 17 when I got pregnant. Maybe she'll change her mind when the time comes.
I don't understand how they BOTH lived with you. No way in hell I would allow that. When SD22 was senior in High School, BM kicked her out so she came to live with DH - we were engaged at the time. She wanted her 28 year old boyfriend to sleep over. DH said NOPE, so the next day SD moved out. She didn't get her way, so she left.
Stand your ground, don't give in. Let her feel what it feels like to be disregarded. So sorry you're in this spot.
I feel for you! When OSD was
I feel for you! When OSD was 16 she got prego twice, first was a miscarriage and then POW 5 months later she was knocked up again. I told DH that SD was sleeping around, he didnt want to believe it. I pushed the issue so hard, the best he could do was ask her if she was sexually active (ummm, what?) What do you think her answer was? -OH no DAddy, i'm your sweet little girl i would never do such a thing.-
She moved out, since I threw a shit fit. I told my hubby i cant have that in my house (she was bring guys over while we were at work, and while she was babysitting my kids).
Because SD is soooooo manipulative I have made it law that she is not allowed in my house. I will not help her with anything. I dont see her kid, babysit it. NOTHING.
My DH will still give her money, and let her borrow his truck, but thats slowly stopping since I feel she is not learning anything! She wanted to be a mommy (she had been trying to get prego) and lie to everyone about me and DH then she doesnt need our help.
This may sound sooooo mean and evil, But my goal is to slowly cutt SD completely out of DH life.
I understand your SD wants
I understand your SD wants both parents there. I also understand that both parents would want to be there. However, it's not ok for your DH to go up there and act like one big happy family while you're sitting at home being ignored. He needs to man up, if she doesn't want you in the room with him then both of yall can wait outside the delivery room sending prayers and well wishes for a healthy baby to come into this world.
Definitely don't let them move back with you and disrupt everything. If they want to visit after the baby is born ok, but no babysitting. And if DH says oh it's fine we can keep the baby for you...then you let him know when he says we he means him. Go about your buisness. He's a grown man that offered him self up, don't let him push a grandbaby on you too.
Thanks everyone, all your
Thanks everyone, all your advice has been great an made me feel so much better
Here is what I get out of
Here is what I get out of your OP. You and DH facilitated the breeding of SD-17 to her BF because you let them live together under your roof and copulate like rabbits. Way to parent there dad ... and Step Mom!
Time to cut SD-17 and her BF loose to be the adults that they are convinced that they are. Do not support them or their doubtlessly ever increasing brood of out of wedlock spawn. Buy them a bale of diapers and a packet of onesies every once in a while and a card saying "For our grandchild" and let them figure it out on their own.
SD-17 spawning is not your problem and not your DH's problem either. Since DH has failed so miserably parenting up till now it is time for him to step up IMHO. Step up and force the full consequences for the actions of SD-17 and her breeder on them.
My bride was a single teen mom when we met. She had SS when she was 16. Not while shacking up with with DickHead under my IL's roof though. My ILs did let DW stay on their property and guided her to finish HS with her class and go on to college. They did not feed her, or help her in any way other than selling her and DickHead a ratty old travel trailer (for a token monthly payment) and letting them hook it up to their well, septic, and power. Other than that DW and DickHead were on their own. When DickHead cheated and DW kicked him out FIL put a bullet at DickHead's feet at the head of the half mile long farm driveway and told DickHead that if he ever set foot on family property again the next bullet would be between his eyes. DickHead stayed on the other side of the road from the driveway from then on when he came for SKid pick up and drop off the few times he ever bothered to see his kid.
Though a 16yo single teen mom my bride went on to complete HS with her class with honors, a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and to have a successful career as a CPA. In large part because my ILs held her accountable for her decisions and refused to feel any guilt or tolerate any whining .
If you and Dh consistently apply your collective foot to SD-17’s ass she may salvage a reasonably quality life. Maybe.
Thank you rags One thing is i
Thank you rags
One thing is i know letting sd an bf live in our home was wrong but me being the step mum i dont have any say in it. I never have an when i do say what i feel i just get yelled at. My kids are all completing highschool an are good kids both my hubby an me brought my kids up together an bio mum is the one that has stuffed up my skids as far as im concerned. My hubby went to court, got visitations the whole bit, he has paid his child suport an tried to be in his kids life the whole time but when he did ring to speak to them he was told by bio that he wont be talking to them an then go back an tell the kids that daddy an me hate them. That if daddy wasnt with me an my retarded kids he would be their with them, she has mentally an pycially abused the kids but still when the kids have had an out by coming to us they always run back to bio an tell lies about what we had done to them while they were here???? I dont get it an as hubby an bio mum never had parents themselfs going up they should never of had kids together as they didnt know what they were doing until hubby met me an i showed him what a parent is like an my kids are well adjusted respectful kids so i think we have done a good job with them. If bio wasnt in the picture then we would have had them all an i can tell you this their would have been no way in hell that my skids would have turned out the way they have. Bio has told them she wishes they die, everything you can imagine but still the skids seem to think the sun shines out her arse an im the evil one PLZ. My steps have not even been tought normal hygiene they all wont shower for weeks an then when they do dont even change their undies just put the dirty ones back on, they lie, cheat, shop lift an bio thinks its all ok cause bio does the same. Bio has destroyed any real relationship that hubby or me will ever have with these girls. Beleive me after every lie an hurt they have done to me i still love them alot but i wont help them anymore. Im over being used by them an treated like shit. The best karma i can see now is sd having a baby an having to look after it. Mind you i told her i would take her to get protection, told her over an over to be sensible but she didnt want to. She was trying to get pregnant thats what she always wanted. She even told me that herself that if she gets preg her bf will stay that she wont have to get a job, even bf doesnt want to work. With all the lies about living on the street what was i supose to do just say no!!!' I wish now i had as they hurt me so much i hate the bitter person i have became because of them
Don't let the toxic Step
Don't let the toxic Step Spawn cause you to be bitter. It sounds as if you and DH have made a strong family and have raised your BKs to be young adults of character.
Letting the toxic BM and he toxic spawn cause you to be bitter gives them far too much control over your life and happiness.
Rather than becoming bitter try taking a direct aggressive tack with the Step Spawn and BM. Barring their idiot asses is far more enjoyable than allowing them to cause you to be bitter. This is how my bride and I dealt with my Skid’s toxic Sperm Clan. Destroying them was far more rewarding than allowing them to manipulate our family. So we kept them pummeled into submission and shredded their asses, publically, socially, spiritually, financially, and legally to minimize their toxic influence on my Skid and our family.
Take care of yourself and your kids. SD-17 the breeder is about to get a big dose of reality right between the eyes. You and DH let her suffer and experience every consequence of her own actions. At this stage that is the best thing you and her dad can do for her IMHO.
Hang in there.
Thank you rags i really
Thank you rags i really appreciate your advice
And everyone else that has commented too
Thanking you all