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College and YSD

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Wed, 03/08/2023 - 4:59pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

OH man, whle I have it pretty good now, YSD is an overall good, but weird, teen and now she's facing college decisions. She's freezing up on any decisions or opinions - I think she's petrified. She's brilliantly smart (math/science/engineering) but has been coddled by her parents forever. Never had a job (ok a babysitting stint here and there one summer when she was 12 on behest of her friend but that's it), no chores, no responsibility, no decision making skills at all, fearful of going to the grocery store, etc. I pointed all this out to DH for years but what do I know?

Now BM is taking her to allllllll the colleges, even HUGE ones and colleges with a focus on liberal arts (um, no, not her strong suit whatsoever), colleges in and out of state, close and across the country, and I'm sure she's overwhelmed. This is after she just shrugs at DH when he asks if she's thought about college.

DH last night was talking about MIT, Stanford, Ivy League!  W....T....F DH!  She cannot even get it together enough to take college courses in high school and you thnk she's going to do what it takes to get into those schools? She's recognized as smart, but she's never in a million years put herself out there. And I asked him, how is she going to do in an essay or interview process when she has to sit with or talk with strangers asking her questions or reading about her?  She'll implode.

I'm secretly hoping she chooses a super good smallter college with excellent programs in science and engineering that is about 100 miles away from here.

It'll be interesting to see what she says, if anything, the next time we see her (don't know when since she hardly shows up here any longer).

 

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Wed, 03/08/2023 - 5:23pm

You're right, her take on things is crucial.  No matter where BM is taking her, or what DH's delusions are, her outlook is the most important one.  I'd ask lots of gentle, open-ended questions.

 

 

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Wed, 03/08/2023 - 6:20pm

College applications are a major reality check for a lot of kids. Hopefully she makes a good choice.

A big chunk of kids drop out the first year because or mental health issues and otherwise being unprepared. You can be smart but if you can't manage to do your laundry, organize your time or feed yourself... Then it's only a matter of time before school becomes too much.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 03/09/2023 - 11:42am

Or the basic social things!  A roommate and interacting with other people, that's the worst for her.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 03/09/2023 - 12:47pm

SD 16.5 PowerSulk is considering going to community college right out of high school. Makes it super easy. 

I hope that YSD can launch easily into a local-ish college. Maybe start her at Community College to ease her in.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 03/09/2023 - 4:55pm

I've been pushing for her to get into Head Start at the local CC since she was 15 - but NOT go to a 4 year school?  The HORROR! Gave up on any input of schools in all seriousness over a year ago unless DH specifically asks me something which is pretty much never. "Sounds good" "Ok" "Great" - but for his ivy league comment and that cued me to say "When has she ever done any kind of professional interview? She never even has to job interview."  Then I shut up.

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Thu, 03/09/2023 - 10:26pm

My SSs are not great students. Both are listed as "below grade level" in English, both had Ds in English that miraculously become Cs on their transcripts due to "adjusted course expectations", one has rarely done any homework, and both did absolutely nothing during "remote learning" due to COVID, I think they even missed the in person meeting with the special ed teacher. Anytime a teacher does not agree to change their D to a C, they switch teachers...at least one of them has switched teachers at least once during every year I've known them (I've known them for 8 years at this point).. Despite this, they both tell DH they are going to college and one has told DH he's going to a local private college, that has a high acceptance rate, but also has a high average GPA and SAT score (not sure why that is). I'm not sure if he realizes that no one will change his grade because his mother calls, in college, at least I hope they won't...and if you drop a class mid-semester, they will not let you add another one. This kid also thinks he's getting a golf scholarship, even though he's a middling golfer at best and the school he says he's going to is DIII, so doesn't offer sports scholarships, only merit or need scholarships for athletes (neither of which he would qualify for). 

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Thu, 03/09/2023 - 11:18pm

Ah yes, YSD told DH around 7 this evening that she'll be here this weekend. After we made plans for dinner out with friends Saturday, so he wanted to cancel with them.

I told them that since YSD is coming DH is not going to dinner but I'm still up for it if they are. So I'm going out and he can chat with YSD about things on his own.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 10:07am

YSD did talk with me a little about her last college trip (shocker!). She thought it was too tiring, too many schools. And she really liked one a lot, just in a state next to ours, not too far. I told her it's a great (state not private!) school and that I actually applied there a long time ago. she asked questions about that and how I made my decision. She's also visiting the school I went to this weekend which will be good for her. I think it's on her personal list. She's definitely going for engineering as a degree right now. And does not want to go to the local college because "It's too close to my mom's." (Shocker again)