I am new to this but just am so frustrated. I have been watching this for years and now I am just so tired, I am losing respect for all parties involved.

SD & BM live in different state. BM remarried and has three kids. SD is 17 & will be a senior.
BM is just very selfish and has been since BD and she married and has gotten worse since divorce.
BD has kept peace and will always keep peace, and partial reason is BM threatens BD with financial lawsuit. BD pays above and beyond for everything as well as schedule CS.

BD has a good relationship with his daughter, but she is at the point (17) that all that matters is her friends and serious boyfriend. Boyfriend's family wants to take her on their summer vacation, BD & BM both are not in favor of it. Daughter argues and debates, after BD says "no" with very good explanations, daughter runs to BM (who is more of a friend than parent) and BM tells her that it was her dad's decision only. She put it all on my husband.

But for some reason, my husband seems to be changing his tune and even the story. He tells me that he and she both made a decision together and now he is telling me that she has yet to decide and that they are going to wait until summer break to discuss this. Now the door has reopened and I am looking at both parents scratching my head. This type of parenting has been going on for 17 years. It is not a trust issue, it is that she is 17 and does not need to be going on summer vacation with her boy friend and his family. She has her whole life a head of her. But what is mind boggling is these parents are so inconsistent with raising this child. There are times that the mom calls the dad and just complains because of certain teen issues. He steps in and the story is different and the mom covers things up. The father (my husband) does the same thing but with me. Like he is afraid to tell me the whole truth and then the next day the story is slightly different. I have been seeing this for over 10 years and it has bothered me and now it has just built up so much that I want to explode.

I know it is tough raising teenagers let a lone your teen who does not live with you. But the best thing is to be completely consistent with your parenting. I am not perfect, we raised my daughter together without her BD, but we did it together and go through it with being consistent. My husband's ex/BM treats her daughter/SD as if she is a product of a divorce, (these have been her words), WHY?

I guess my point is, a part of me is seeing my husband not being UP FRONT with his daughter and his ex wife as well as me. He always seems to beat around the bush with things and when things get a little rough with the ex and his daughter, he backs down, backs off, caves, changes his story, believes their stories and falls for the teen lies. Is it guilt?

I reached out to my SD, (we have/had a relationship that we were very open with each other, really close, before I found out all the above. I wanted to see how she was doing after her mom and dad said No to her summer vacation. Her response was basically (you and my dad won't let me go, you and my dad don't trust me, He is my best friend (meaning her boyfriend) and we don't have sex, you think we are having sex and we are not! My mom trusts me and loves my boyfriend and his family and has a different opinion than my dad and said it was my dad's opinion and decision)! All in one text with other things.... I was blown away. My only response was that this was a decision that your dad and mom made together and what a shame it was put on your dad.