Short version of the story. My BF has 3 daughters, 16 and 13 yo twins. We all got along well in the beginning. BM is 100% concerned with her career and all that, so at first, I was a very welcomed addition. I am a MOM. I have 2 boys of my own and i am constantly doing things. We don't sit around and do nothing all day. They all jokingly call me the "entertainment coordinator". When the mother refused to deal with the dance recital stuff (which she signed them up for mind you), I took a day off my job to take them and make sure their hair and make up was proper for rehearsal and pictures. I had to teach them how to get their tights on. Then we go walking into the rehearsal, and BM is waiting at corner of hallway to walk her daughters in all pretty and ready. whatever. His oldest is anorexic and I was the ONLY one that she would talk to and be reasonable with when she was on her home visit from the hospital. She swore and physically assaulted everyone else. Last year, the twins spent mothers day with ME because their mother didn't want them. So, the point is, i was close with these girls in the beginning. I haven't changed.
NOW, the BM has in my opinion clued into the fact that I was close with her kids and so began her war of terror against me. She tells them horrible lies and manipulations and they are all so selfish, materialist and all they really want is a mother, so they have all completely lied and made stories up in an effort to make me look bad (one alleging I choked her, one alleging I charged at her--thank god there were witnesses to say it was a complete lie, but none the less). The older one recently sent her father a SCATHING text message about me, which i of course saw. She even told him to break up with me if he wants his daughters back. The oldest one doesn't come for visitation anymore. She is so far up her mother's a$$. SO actually, it's better that she doesn't come. HOWEVER...the twins. These kids have changed with me so much. They never were parented or disciplined...bot their bio parents just gave in OR did nothing because the other parent wasn't doing x, y or z. They will stand in their father's face and call him a f***er. I am all about respect, so their behavior is just unreal to me. They treat me so poorly. and now last time they were there, they just ignored me completely--this time, I ignored them back--it was ridiculous in the house and my BF called ME out on it. They come in and claim the living room and me and my kids can't sit anywhere--so we are always in the lower level, or I'm in my bedroom. They are so rude and horrible that I retreat, which is what I've seen so many other people on here say they do as well. HOWEVER, I DON"T WANT TO DO THAT. that gives them EXACTLY what they want....me out of the picture, and them and daddy sitting on the couch, him waiting on them hand and foot.
SO, i want to fight smarter, not angrier. SO, how do I stay downstairs, talk to them so if they ignore me, it's noticed by their father....when all i want to do is RUN AND HIDE?!?! HELP