SD and SS don't give their half b/s gifts for bdays or xmas
I have been married 18 years. DH had custody of 12 & 9 yr old boys 7 yr old girl. I took care of them, fed them, did laundry, paid almost half of all bills. Their mom never paid a dime for much. Never took them but for occasional weekends and is now on husband #4.
Dh and I had twins who are now 10 the oldest son and his wife do give gifts to the twins.
The other boy and girl have never given anything. They give their nieces tons of b-day and xmas gifts in front of my kids. My kids don't say much they have asked why and I just say I don't know why.
Husband says don't say anything and for everyone to get along as always. I cannot face another day where I have to see them hurt like this in front of everyone.
I called my SD and said I don't know what I have done to make her upset to just take it out on me and not on the twins who are innocent children. She said she never gives her brothers gifts which is total BS
The other SS tell his dad he is spending hundreds on the nieces for gifts, like he is just trying to cause a rise in him.
I am having huge medical immune problems (i can't breath no dx) and we are experiencing huge medical bills and financial problems.
I just can't deal with this pettiness! Seriously who intentionally hurts children.
Twinmom
i would put up an emotional
i would put up an emotional wall. dont let them see the twins. fuck them.
My grandmother and aunt are
My grandmother and aunt are the same way towards my family, except they give to my bios, but not to my stepchildren. This wouldn't be an issue if it was on occasions when the kids were with them and the steps were not, but it is a problem because it is excessive and at holiday gatherings where all the children are present.
For this reason, I now host holiday gatherings in my home, and family members that have engaged in this behavior without remorse are no longer invited.
I did, a few years ago, explain to ALL the children, bios and steps, right in front of grandma and Mimi, that it is each adult's individual choice to give gifts to whomever they choose, and to not give gifts to certain people, and that while we may not understand why some people choose to behave rudely, it is best that we treat them kindly anyway, because it must be hard going through life as such a great big asshole.
Ha! I love the way you
Ha! I love the way you handle this - controlling the environment as to who is invited and calling out the jerks - bravo!!!!
Great advice as always Step
Great advice as always Step Aside! Thanks.
Before being on ST and having
Before being on ST and having myself pretty much disengaged from OSD totally and the other 2 SKs in many respects, there was one thing I was continuing to do without questioning it and that was promoting a relationship between my BS's (13 and 9) and the adult SKids, by always, every year, buying them a small present from the boys at birthday and Christmas. It mattered not that they were never acknowledged or returned, I just wanted my boys to be gift givers and to feel that their older Steps were siblings. I have to admit I did stop doing it for OSD in her late teens as she was never here at all and therefore not in my sons' minds, and I felt a bit mean about distinguishing her from the others whom I continued to get these little gifties for (and they were always very sweet and suitable to them, made my SS laugh and my YSD twinkle, you know the kind of thing). Anyway now I am going to forget getting these little things and making the BSs wrap them, as we're on an economy drive in any event. Figure that if they don't come by or acknowledge the existence of my sons in any way shape or form throughout the year, why should I promote a relationship between them all in which my sons will only later come to feel let down and unloved.
Though I look down on my SKs for never having given a gift in their lives but a few times to DH, twice to my sons and once recently (my favoured YSD) to me, I know their lack of social grace in this department all originally emanated from a combo of the BM forbidding them to do so as children and my DH failing to bring them up properly. Still, now they really are adults it's time to stop ignoring their foul habit and making allowances. On the other hand I'd never ask them about it, why beg anything for one's children from strangers? How demeaning. Be the better person.