I don't know whether to blame my fiance or the rotten kid
The plan for last night was to hang out w/ my fiance, watch tv, drink some beers, spend time together. Immediately after I walk in the house, his FT son15 walks in the room and asks him to play Xbox w/ him. So of course he says ok, says he won't be long. That leaves me to sit there for a good 30-40mins with the dog. I'm listening to the kid yell at his father saying the controller doesn't work so he offers to go out today and buy him the newest greatest Xbox One ($500!). This is a week after the kid told his father to "mind your own business a$$hole!".
In my previous post I mentioned not wanting to do crap for his kid anymore since he's rude to me and I'm tired of it. I spoke to my fiance about it before and nothing changes. SO last night I mention that maybe this weekend (when the kid is hopefully away w/ BM) that I'd cook us a nice meal. He says, mmmmmm! that sound great! Make it for his kid, he'd love it! Here starts the fight.
I pretty much say that he's rude to me, why should I be doing special favors? He says, he's JUST A KID! He doesn't know any better! I say, he's almost 16! He's no baby - he knows when he's rude. My fiance goes on and on and says he wants us all to be a family and we should get along. He tells me that I need to talk to the kid more. (I'm always the one to say hi, say anything, etc. The kid otherwise won't say one word to me). I tell him again that I already do that, YOU talk to the kid. I'm tired of the way he treats me. He says NO - there's no way he was going to talk to the kid about how he acts towards me. That I'm the adult, that's my job. AND his kid's feelings will always come before mine.
I know my fiance has guilt that the boy never lived in a traditional home w/ a mom & dad, so he's treated like a little prince. There's never any punishment. It's ridiculous.
I'm tired of this spoiled, PITA kid, who's disrespectful towards everyone, not be responsible for anything he does.
It ended w/ me crying, and deciding to go home. He doesn't think that if I should ever get upset/mad that I should leave. I should lay in bed next to him - not being able to sleep. He said if I left, that would be the last time. Thinking about how he talked to me and how he made me feel like shit, I took off my ring and left! Haven't spoken to him since.
You're well shed of that
You're well shed of that situation. Find a guy without children.
You now know what your place was and what it will be if you go back. Second in line if that. Do not even think of engaging this guy in a discussion of anything. Block his phone, email and social sites such as Facebook so you never hear from him again.
A 2 year old is smart enough to be taught manners even if they forget often and have to be retaught. A 5 year old can remember and may deliberately break the rules but a 16 yo deserves nothing but immediate consequences. At that age my father batted my jaw with a closed fist for sassing. We both regretted it and we both never did it again.
Watch this kid get fired from job after job because he can't get his way. I've seen it personally.
The kid won't even make his
The kid won't even make his lunch, fold laundry, zero yard work. He even needs his school uniform laid out everyday.
If he's asked to do something, it's always no. And my fiance will say OK! Better just to do it himself than to fight with the boy!
You don't know who to blame?
You don't know who to blame? You must be new here!
Fiancee. This is his fault, seriously. The end.
Good for you!!!! I know it is
Good for you!!!! I know it is probably difficult...there are some hurt feelings there and all. But trust someone who is stuck in a marriage with this crap going on...you are better off if you just walk away! I wish I knew when I married DH that SD15 would end up such a spoiled rotten brat!!! I seriously didn't think she would! I saw how DH was with my kids, and with them, he would actually back me, put them in their place if they ever back-talked me (which wasn't very often, but you know kids...they will go through a spell of testing limits). SD15 was barely walking when DH and I got together, so I really didn't have a chance to see how he would be with his own daughter. When those toddler years hit...OMG! I tried over the years to tell him that he had to do something...he had to put his foot down...or she was going to turn into the person she is now. All I ever got was that he was too afraid he'd never see his daughter again! It was tolerable before SD15 moved in...she really didn't like being here, so DH was lucky if he got her one weekend a month. There would always be some excuse...SD15 wasn't feeling well, she had a sleep over or birthday party, etc. Then the teen years hit, and SD15 started with the really stupid stuff...drinking, smoking pot, skipping school! BM couldn't handle her any more...but what did the woman expect? The girl ran that house her whole life! So now I'm stuck with her, and trying to get DH to fish his balls out of her purse and be a parent so that maybe this marriage can be saved!
We've been together for 5yrs.
We've been together for 5yrs. For the first couple of years I generally tried to keep a nice distance from the kid because I knew he was bratty then and frankly his actions irritate the crap out of me. I've been telling him for YEARS to keep a handle on that boy because as he gets older it will be harder and harder to reel him in. I honestly hoped that the kid would mature into something that was respectful and likable.
Is she still living with you?
Is she still living with you? BM has hinted at SD15 living with her Dad (she, no one ever acknowledge i'm also living in the same home as him, or even asks if i am okay with her living with us, not even my fiance). But I feel like it's not my responsibility to have to raise a child that BM can no longer handle because of her lack of parenting skills. Fiance told me that his home will always be open to his child, I understand that, but why isn't her Mother's home always open to her. I don't think it's fair that the option of her living with us, is even on the table, or that my opinion about it has never been considered. I don't have any children, I would like one of my own, but one that I raise, not a 15 year old girl raised by a Mother who has focused on her life and always blamed my fiance for everything.
Did you resent him for not making BM take responsibility for her child, and the child she raised? Did your husband feel like you didn't like his daughter? My fiance also seems to not have any balls when it comes to his daughter, and her Mother. I hate this. It'd be easier to handle if he understood how I feel. I don't expect him to place me over his child, but I'm tired of not having any relevance.
count your blessings that you
count your blessings that you have your own place to go home to.
i couldnt wait to get married when i got my ring this past christmas. but of course as soon as i got it, SD13 did a 180 and is now a colossal brat with mega attitude and has been labeled a "troubled child". whatevs. i can tell you now that i REFUSE to get married until she turns 18. we do live together...but i have the financial advantage over fiance thanks to his exhorbitant CS being such a drain, and it was my apartment first so i have that sense of security knowing i can live on my own if i have to.
as of late i sometimes find myself wanting to leave...but then i come here and see that so many others have it way worse than i do. SD isnt around nearly as much as she is supposed to be under the CO so i just play avoidance as much as possible and try to avoid discussing her because it causes fights.
Exactly! We've been engaged
Exactly! We've been engaged for a couple of years but I've been dragging my feet to set a date since I would obviously be expected to move into a new home with the both of them. I can't stand anything about the boy so why would I want to live with him! I've been holding out hope that some college in Alaska accepts him.
So a few hours ago the fiance
So a few hours ago the fiance calls me. He more or less is like, what's going on? Working? I'm like yeah, still working (really playing Angry Birds). He asks, why did you leave last night? I recite the conversation/fight we had and he didn't remember half of it. He said if I said that, I'm sorry, but I don't remember. (He really doesn't drink much so when he does he either passes out early or shit like this may happen). He said all he remembers is him asking me to do more, and me getting upset and leaving. I said I asked YOU to talk to him about his behavior/rudeness and you said no, wasn't going to happen. He again didn't remember that, but said he if were to ask him to be nice to me/acknowledge me then that would just make it worse, since he's being asked to do something I'm sure. So fine! If that's his stance, then I'm shutting down completely with this kid. I'm going to drag my feet to set a date just so it's less time we have to live together. There's no way in hell I'll ever go to another one of his games, no more yummy homemade food or leftovers (enjoy that frozen food kid!). No more nothing! No rides to school if he missed the bus, no pick ups from parties if dad is working. ** This kid is actually the reason why I don't want kids.
if you plan to go this route,
if you plan to go this route, just please, please, please keep your own place until you are absolutely sure.
You have done the hardest
You have done the hardest part. Now the Rags 3 day rule begins. It only hurts the worst for 3 days then it gets a little bit better every day there after until eventually it is nothing but an unpleasant memory that corps up upon occasion.
Do not re-engage with him or the 3 day starts over. I do not mean zero contact. Any discussion should be about either legal preceding's or property recovery. If calls for any other reason then you tell him to call you when he has something to say about a legal preceding or property.
Take care of yourself and stat the course.
your fiance sounds like my
your fiance sounds like my husband, always making excuses for rude behavior. They are quick to point out what you are doing and not doing, but totally dismiss their childs behavior as just being a "kid". PLEASE! He definately has guilty dad syndrome and if he lets his own kid talk to him disrespectfully, he obviously doesnt see anything wrong with it when you get talked to like that by the brat. These DH's need to get a clue and start giving a sh*t about their wives feelings b/c when its all said and done, we are the ones that will be there to take care of them, NOT THEIR KIDS!
Amen to that! Sounds like my
Amen to that! Sounds like my fiance also.