I need some advice! Am I being unreasonable?
I have a stepson who is 13. My husband and I met when SS was 5. We have a daughter of 2 1/2 and a baby boy who is 4 months old. My problem is that I am often embarresed about how my stepson behaves. Espescially when we are with my family, because that is not how I was raised. For example he will moan and complain about being bored the whole visit. Both loudly and "quietly" to his dad. He is very picky about food and will sit and look at the meal with a pouty lip and then look up at his dad with a sad, pleading face. He blows his nose loudly at the table and then drops the dirty paper towel right on the dinner table. His dad doesn't seem to notice.
Bur I guess my biggest problem is that he only likes to do a couple of activities, and wants his father to take him there and stay with him the whole time. I think it is stressful to stay at home alone alot with both the little ones on the weekends. I feel like I lose no matter what I do. I love my stepson and I would like to have a good relationship with him. I just feel like he is spoiled and if I put my foot down both he and mye husband will resent me for it.
Please help!
my SD13 is a total
my SD13 is a total embarrassment. we never take her out anywhere. fortunately, my fiance agrees that her table manners are atrocious so he doesnt like to go to restaurants with her either.
his family is ALL hip to the game that she's out of control. they know its no reflection on me. as for it being a reflection on my fiance? well, IMO, he deserves it because that's how he and his moronic ex-wife chose to raise her.
in your situation, you need to remind your husband that he has TWO OTHER KIDS to think about and they should not get the shaft every weekend for a 13 year old, who, unless he is some sort of special needs, should not be allowed to monopolize all of the family time.
And why do you tolerate this
And why do you tolerate this crap from your DH? DH is the problem; SS is only the symptom of DH's shitty parenting. If DH will not jerk a knot in this young man's tail then you have to.
You and DH are equity partners in life and that makes you equity parents to any children in your home regardless of the biology of those kids. Let DH know immediately that HE fixes it NOW or you will and SS-13 will not like it one bit.
The next time SS acts like an animal at the table grab him by the ear, give it a twist and lead him to the nearest corner, plant his nose firmly in the corner and leave him there until YOU feel better. He bitches about what is served for dinner, he does not eat. He pouts and cries; spank his ass and give him something to cry about then reintroduce his nose to the corner and leave him there.
I forecast that putting your foot down will fix this in about one week flat. A 13yo should never be allowed to act like a 3yo. Ever. No pouting, no whining, no sniveling, nothing but proper behavior or he bears the consequences of his actions immediately.
I also recommend smacking your DH on the back of the head every time his sniveling spawn pulls this crap. For the most part figuratively of course.
I kind of like the 'address
I kind of like the 'address the problem on fronts' approach myself. But sure, the husband smack to the back of the head move without the Skid consequences could work. It sure works for my bride when I need to be jared in to reality.
He's old enough to be left at
He's old enough to be left at home alone and there is no point in him being present when your family convenes. Insist that he not accompany you and husband outside of the home. If it's something regarding your husbands family you have to choice of going or staying while he takes his kid.
Have you read the following:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
Thank you so much for all
Thank you so much for all your advice. I have tried being really strict with him, but I think that a part of the problem is that we only have him part time, so just when I feel that his manners are improving he goes back to his mother and comes back as an animal again. I will talk to ny husband about this again, it is driving me nuts. He always says that he has tried to tell him how to behave but it doesn't work. He does not give him any consequences. I think it is because he wants SS to enjoy staying with us, and not bark at him the whole visit. Still not ok in my book.
The ol' chestnut: "I don't
The ol' chestnut: "I don't want to discipline him/her because I only see him/her a short time"
:sick: :sick:
Soooooo, the BM refuses to teach the child anything and daddykins goes along with this. Yep, I know it well. Down the road, daddykins will then envision (delude) himself as being the "strict one." :sick: :sick:
My SD13 can't keep her hair
My SD13 can't keep her hair out of her face at dinner and likes to put her mouth down to the plate. I have tried for the past 1-1/2 years to instill good manners. Now I don't say anything but just look at her. I don't have to say a word. Also, I have slammed my hand on the table before and scared the living shit out of her. Her father backed me up on that one (she had an attitude) and grounded her.
Now she is sitting in my house while DH is out of town. She hasn't showered, hasn't brushed her teeth or hair, probably foraged something from the pantry for dinner. Oh well, she is creeping me out and I don't have to deal, even when she's being nice to me.
~ Moon
Well, the BM in my life died
Well, the BM in my life died about a year ago, hence the lovely skids are with me FT!!!!
We are passing like ships in the night. I have disengaged and have truly done ZERO for the past few days. I almost hope that SDstb13 does NOT shower tonight so DH can see how "lovely" she looks when he gets home. She showered last Friday when I mentioned it. She's lying to me again, too.
Too bad she's a dumbass because she's a sweet kid, she is just sliding into puberty and turning into a moron. With a Linda Blair/Exorcist thing once in awhile. So....I don't call her out on anything anymore. Her sister or her friends will as far as hygiene.
35 days until school starts and SD19 goes back to the dorm. }:)
~ Moon