My SD16's mother died when she was 4 (drug OD). I have been with her dad for 6 years, married 3. I have loved the girl like my own without trying to be too evasive in her life (look at me I'm your mommy! Call me mommy! so on and so on). Well her mother had two other daughters - now 18 and 13, with different dads. I have been trying to get my husband on board for years to get them back in touch with each other so they can start building a relationship but he has always been a bit apprehensive, mostly because he believes involving them with each other now while their teens may cause more harm then good (my SD is very immature and impressionable and what I believe to be a pathological liar).

So my SD, DH and I had a huge fight last May (not about this issue) and she went to live with her grandparents (she has had DHS called on us twice in the past 3 years telling them along with school officials and friends parents that we physically and psychologically abuse her on a daily basis, which are total lies. She also told these people the reason why she is failing so badly in school is because of me, her dad, and her "hard" home life, i.e. rules, chores (or chore since she only has one!) and boundaries). Now SD's grandmother has been in contact with the 13 year old sister's father and step-mother and they are meeting up on Sunday. The step-mother even contacted old friends to get pics of SD's mother (since no one seems to have very many).

I am so pissed. I mean, I am happy she gets to meet her sister and have pics of her mother but now I am an oober-bitch, the evil hateful stepmother that has never done anything for her in her life! I have done EVERYTHING to make this girl happy, talking her dad into being more lenient with her when it comes to make-up, going out with friends, and going to do different things and she has pissed all over me for it (I seriously regret ever trying to help this girl out and being on her "side").

Am I wrong to be upset? I have only seen my SD once since the fight and have purposely been meaning to stay distant because of her claims about me being the reason she has such a hard life so I thought "well, you know what, here's your time to shine, I'll stay out of your life!". Now I know she's probably shit-talking about me behind my back because I haven't talked to her or tried to be close since the fight.

Am I being stupid, should I let it go? And should I continue to give her distance? Being a step-mom suuuuuuuuuucks!