Just here...
}:) I am not even fit for this role. As a lesbian couple things are complicated enough. I live with my girlfriend and her 10 yo niece. It's like hell. The kids is Satan in Justice clothing. She's materialistic, selfish, self-centered and God forgive me the kid is a c*&^. Today was the breaking point. We give her so much, take care of her because her mother can't and she gave me her ass to kiss for the last time. It's like she has no respect for anyone. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt and just say she's hurting inside blah blah blah. But today I just wanted to beat her...literally take off my belt and beat her. My girlfriend is so sensitive about this bad ass little girl it's ridiculous. I can't stand it. I don't want this to be my life. I just don't. She actually hit me with a bouncy ball in the face on purpose while we were playing a game outside. It didn't hurt but it's the principle of respect. I can't get my GF to see that this girl hates me. I've tried praying but I fall asleep to the though of giving this kid a much deserved ass whoopin' I know this is wrong. But I literally hate the kid. I don't want to be here anymore because of this but I love my GF. I refuse to clean up after her she's 10 with a 35 yo attitude. Won't do a chore or get up off her lazy butt to wash her own clothes, I am not a maid!!
I don't know what to do. Maybe I should just call it quits because I definitely can't make her choose.
Maybe it's my fault because I saw the evil inside her when I met her. She couldn't stand to see her aunt touch me and give me attention and she still can't.
I'm sick of considering her feelings when no one clearly considers mine.
I hope someone can give me feedback soon because I need it.
We've been talking about artificial insemination but how can I think of having a baby with her? My baby will not be treated like a step child and she will not terrorize my child as she is terrorizing me...
HELP!!!!!!!!
I completely understand how
I completely understand how you feel and I'm sorry you're going through this. Please do not consider having a child with your partner at this point in your relationship. It will just make the 10 y/o niece even more jealous.
By your descriptions, it seems she wants her aunt to herself and see you as a rival for her attention. Do you think she may not understand your relationship with her aunt is a love relationship and not a platonic relationship? Does she understand you and your girlfriend are a couple? When I was a kid, my uncle had a partner and they were always together. I always knew if Uncle S was there, Uncle J would be with him. It wasn't until much later (I think I was 12 or so) that I finally understood Uncles S & J were a couple like my own parents.
I have been in your shoes, where I was constantly being mistreated by my husband's daughter (I frequently referred to her as step-demon). We had only been married a little over a year and I was ready to leave him because he refused to discipline his kid. He felt if he ignored the behavior, it would stop. Instead, it was a huge green light for his kid to continue treating me like crap.
It's not your fault this child is behaving so badly. I don't mean to malign someone you love, but your girlfriend is not helping this child by allowing her to treat you this way. She is also hurting your relationship because she is dismissing your feelings about this situation.
There is an excellent book for step-mothers, it isn't a touchy, feeling book about how the child feels, but a book about how we feel. It's called Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin. As stepmothers, you and I are in a touchy situation at best and this book really helped me realize I was not a huge failure.
If your partner is open to it, I strongly suggest counseling not only for you both as a couple but also this kid definitely sounds like she's got some aggression in her. Probably towards her own parents and you are receiving the backlash.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I understand the hurt and pain you're probably feeling right now. Your girlfriend is letting you down and it's incredibly painful she is not listening to you. Because she is doing what my husband did with me, assuming that as the adult I would be able to deal with the problem. But that is not realistic and your girlfriend needs some help bringing the realization around that she is hurting all three of you by not giving more structure and discipline to this child.
Good luck. Please stay on this site. There are a lot of people with a lot of valuable information that may be able to help you turn your situation around.
Your SO needs to understand
Your SO needs to understand that the center of any family is the adult relationship. The child(ren) do not take precedence or priority over the the adult relationship. The (S)kid(s) are beneficiaries of the adult relationship but they are not a party to the relationship.
Your frustrations are the same frustrations many Sparents experience. Your status as women in a same sex relationship adds some complexity to the situation and may require some clarity be set by your SO and you with your SD. With the situation in play of having a mother who abandoned her or is incapable of caring for her, being raised by an Aunt, she may be intimidated or unsettled by the relationship between you and her aunt.
I would recommend that the three of you take a nice weekend, go on a short trip and discuss the situation and make a commitment to each other as a family. This may provide the young lady with a sense of belonging and security in your estrogen rich family.
I am serious about the weekend and teasing about the estrogen rich comment.
Something that has worked for my wife, son (my SS) and I is to participate in cooking, clean up and chores together. Developing family traditions, routines and communication can eliminate the step parent/kid tensions very effectively.
Welcome to the community. I hope you find it a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some perspective from others navigating the challenges of blended family life.
Good luck.
Best regards,