Looking for support
My boyfriend and I are getting ready to blend families. He just moved down here to where I am, and is now back in his home state to bring his 2 teenage sons back down since BM doesn't want them and can't handle them.
I am kind of scared at the moment. His 15 (soon to be 16) yr old son has been quite the trouble maker. By trouble maker, I mean cops, courts, and now community service/probation is involved. I am not sure he is too happy that his dad is dating me considering the age difference (I am 27 and their dad is 40). I am really afraid that the oldest will have a bad influence on my two small sons (ages 7 & 9). I am also a bit afraid to meet them since I've never had to deal with blending families before; just seen the problems that my family endured and it is scary to think of what may happen. He also seems to put a weight on my shoulder when I say I want to wait before all of us move in; just to give time to get used to one another. He says that he made a big move and we can't all be afraid of something. Kind of puts me down by saying that maybe I don't care or love him or whatever he says in the moment because I don't want to rush combining yet. I really need to vent and this seems like a good place because I mentioned my concerns with my bf and he just says that I think his kids are monsters, blah blah blah or I don't want to move in together for whatever reason he thinks. He just doesn't understand that I am new to this and he's had experience in this department.
Any support is greatly appreciated as I have until about Sunday night/ early Monday before they arrive and get to meet them.
Stop being pushed
Your boyfriend is looking out for himself not you. He's not interested in your feelings and doesn't care about your fears.
Dorothy who Posted above is right. Tell your boyfriend now that you are not going to move in together for one year. Wait and see how things work out.
If he lays a guilt trip on you - you don't love me - tell him you love your children more and for now they'll come first. You don't want them raised in a bad environment and it sounds like one is headed your way.
I guarantee you that once you've watched this unfold you will be glad you didn't get involved.
You have decades ahead of you to find the right guy. Maybe even after your kids are grown. Don't be pressured into doing this - it is not going to turn out well. Trust me girl - I'm 65 - and I've heard this story dozens of times before on Forums like this and there were no happy endings.
*********************
There's an exception to everything I say.
Sorry
You will be VERY sorry very soon if you move in together. it is not an eas road with SKs who are nice, but with what you describing - a troubled one you will exhoust yourself quickly finding yourself unloved, disrespected, underappreciated, used, unhappy person. OC is right you have time to find a right guy and that one won't have luggage like this. You are the one who will have to carry it.
Hi I agree with the
Hi I agree with the above...
get separate households.......it will wreck your relationship.....I am sorry to say this but step kids are so so so hard...kids are hard in general but when there hasnt been a bond established it is extra hard and it will end up being the centre of your life....
I think this man is selfish...the mother cant handle them but he wants to push them onto you!!....no way.....let him have them and be responsible for them in his separate house and disengage and date.......