My Step-daughter sucks! I just pulled the plug
I am so sick of that brat! She is 19 years old. Has lived with us since she was 3. has been a horrible terror for most of our marriage. I kicked her out at 17 after she physically abused me. She was on her own for 1 1/2 years and would come to visit occasionally but never overnight. She seemed better. She has since moved back in. We made up a rule contract as to what we expected in our home. She gladly signed it, got a job and basically followed the rules for about a month. She only worked part time and we said full time or school. She went to school. She is only in class 4 hours a day, it's a fast track program, in one year, she will be in the workplace and they will assist in placing her in a job. She has since, quit her job and has not worked for a month. We explained that she needs to at least work part time. She says she is looking which is a crock. Her real mother stated that she will not pay anything to help support this brat, which leaves it back on us. She has a cell phone on my plan, which I just placed on hold. She has 5 days to find a job or she is out of my house. I know her real mother will push this back on me and say that I kicked her out for no reason. the little brat tried to cause friction again today between me and her father. This has been going on for 16 years. Yet, I feel bad, because she has burned every bridge and has no where to go, I would hate to see her on the streets, but how much is one suppose to take? I needed therapy after she left the first time. I refuse to live like this.
You do not have to endure
You do not have to endure that crap in your own home. She was gone for a year and a half, right? You all lived peacably then...kick her ass back out again!
I am not sure what the law is on child support but I believe that if the child is still in school then child support is payable?
As long as you let kids lay on you then they will do just that. I'd have no food visible, in the house and DH and I would eat out without her, it does not have to be the most expensive...even arrange with friends, rotate friends too, to have dinner with them if you pay the groceries...it's a great way to catch up with everyone and cheaper than eating out LOL and a lock on bedroom and refrigerator in there for movie snacks. I'd starve the little shit out of my house! I'd make sure there was noise of some sort when she is trying to sleep too. I'd be like ''sorry, I cannot hear you because I am WORKING here with the vacuum!'' I'd have no laundry detergent to hand when she wanted to wash clothes, no shampoo to hand in the bathroom, or just the basic cheap crap, and I'd make her life soooooooo miserable! Definately no cell phone! No use of the house phone iether, or wireless internet! We disabled the wireless internet when SD here was acting out.
DH pulled the plug on the mains to the house one day! He got so sick of them bitching about bullshit stuff and not 'getting along'. Depending on what was on which circuits I'd disable receptacles in the bedroom too! I'd be like 'ohh dear! You will have to pay an electrician to come look at it then.'. I'd suggest doing whatever is practical and agreed upon with DH, he is probably waiting for the 'other foot to fall', so to speak, and he probably will not put her out unless she crosses that barrier of violence again. She'll 'play it by your book' cutting it as close as she can get it, these kids never change their ways for long. I think it's a matter of time before she reverts wholly back to being kicked out! I am sorry you are going through all this, it really does suck...I know it! We have it to look forward to when SD comes back from a secure juvenile facility...they say the 'good behavior honeymoon' is about three months long...then it's back to 'as per'. SD is of age now, no longer a juvenile, so it's on her to get back into uni and toe the line, create a future for herself.
Hmmmmmm I wonder why I was called 'evil' step mother??
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your comment. I'm glad I'm not the only one going thru this. Life was nice when she wasn't around, I hate to say. For a year and a half, I had two arguments with my husband, not fights, but 5 minute arguments. DH is seeing thru her antics and has had enough as well. I have cancelled the phone, the emergency use only gas card and now I reported her EZ Pass stolen (it's on my account) She did not come home last night, probably at her mothers crying the blues like many times before. I still feel bad, and have no idea why.
Personally, I wouldn't kick
Personally, I wouldn't kick her out at this point if she is still attending school. I think a year of providing food/shelter for her while she obtains the necessary skills and job placement to provide for herself would be well worth the hassle in the long run. If you kick her out now, she might also quit school and continue to come back for YEARS asking for money and a place to live!
Also, I don't think it is feasible for anyone to find a job in 5 days.
True, 5 days is not feasible,
True, 5 days is not feasible, however she has had 5 weeks to look. We live in the city, so there are approx. 200 stores about 2 miles from our home. It is now down to the last 5 days before I kick her out. She is not attending high school, but college. I have gone thru therapy from the pain and crap I have endured from this kid for 14 years. Do you think I should just put up with it longer? When is it enough? I feel bad for her, but she takes advantage of my and her fathers feelings.
I'm roughly in the same boat
I'm roughly in the same boat , like giveitagom said , she probably is reverting back to old behavior. See it with my sd17 , see can fake it for awhile but she always reverts back. To ducky ,five days may not ne feasible however i assume , if SD was trying and doing her best to find employment and become a productive member of society always wrong would look past the unemployment . Sometimes you have to light a fire under them to get em to move , should could give you number and time table and she' ll still be on the couch. 19 part time school and no job , hope the best ,also your not aways wrong !
Thanks for the advice. Let
Thanks for the advice. Let me clarify.... she is not in high school, no she quit high school 2 years ago, that's when she left our house. She was sent to Job Corps, which is basically a government run program for youths between the ages of 15 -21 who are either on their way to juvenile hall or jail. She got her GED there. She lived there. When she got out, she moved in with her boyfriend who doesn't work. He lives with his crackhead mom. She pretty much burned her bridge there, as they told her she had to move out because she was arguing with his mother and his cousin that lived there. She is going to a college now.
For the year and a half that she did not live with us, my husband and I had only two arguments, two! and they only lasted about 5 minutes. I now am getting bitchy again, and resenting my husband for her being around. I wish I could go back in time, I would never have gotten wrapped up in this. 5 days is not feasible, but she hasn't been working for a month and was suppose to be looking for employment for the last month. It is now down to the last 5 days or she is cut off. After her over talking me on the phone and screaming and crying like a 5 year old having a temper tantrum, should I even give her 5 more days? When her own mother, won't give her a dime let alone a place to live.
This makes my original post
This makes my original post seem like it is irrelevant.
She is choosing this behaviour not you, so head up high and tell her she has a time period to either pull her socks up or, find somewhere else!
Harsh I know, but necessary to preserve your sanity
Well, her father is cracking
Well, her father is cracking now.... He thinks we should just let her do whatever and pay for whatever and just get thru the year until she is finished with school and out. I don't think this is going to work.... what if she doesn't leave? She is going to think we are just going to pay for everything. Somehow, she was able to put gas in her car and drive the 1 1/2 hours to hang out with friends again, plus I pulled the plug on the cell phone, she somehow found money for her go phone and put minutes on it. I was on her laptop tonight (we took that away too) and it automatically logged into her facebook, so I took a peek.... her ex called her and told her I was on it, so there is another war coming... The thing is, I found out some interesting stuff I didn't know and now wish I didn't know. I don't think I can go thru the stress of having her in my life for another year.... I don't want to fight with my husband. I don't want to nag about her either. I am stuck.....again. Any suggestions? If he's not on the same page as me, nothing will work and she has gotten to her dad... please help before I need therapy.