New and need advice
Hi, I can't believe I don't have to be alone in this. I've never posted anything anywhere and feel so alone. I don't even know the abbreviations to use so bear with me please! I've been divorced on paper for 4 months but have lived in a different state than my ex for 3 years. Much emotional abuse etc.My 14 yr old son "hates" his father one minute but wants him back the next. I try to never talk negative about his father, etc. I have a friend ("boy") who has been around to help me with the house, etc. He cares about my kids but is very careful not to push anything....just to be a friend or to help if they need it. My son has now all of a sudden said he "hates" him. Long story short....is it my job to be a Mom 100% of the time and not have a relationship of any sort? My son is starting to treat me like his father did....we are headed into dangerous territory. I'm easily "guilted" and just don't know if I will "ruin" his life by taking time for me sometimes too. I also have a special needs daughter, going to school, etc.
Yes, you are definitely
Yes, you are definitely headed into dangerous territory here. Especially if you are easily "guilted" into doing things specifically for your son's benefit. Your son may just "hate" your friend because it takes some attention away from your son. You are allowed to have relationships outside of your son, and it's HEALTHY for you to. When you start having your life be centered on the whims of your son, you are setting him up to be an enabled and dependant adult.
One thing that really concerns me is you said your son is starting to treat you the same way his father did. You need to squash that RIGHT NOW. And by squashing it, I mean you need to come down on him so hard and furious the next time he does this that he won't even THINK about doing it again. I remember mouthing off to my dad ONE time when I turned 13 and he put the fear of God in me right on the spot. NEVER mouthed off to him again..LOL. Remember, you are his parent not his friend.