As I said, I am new here. A bit of background- between us, my husband and I have 6 kids- 21(girl) his, 20(girl) mine, 19(boy) mine, 19(boy) his, 17(boy) his and 14(girl) his. The oldest three are on their own, the 4th one is in college, but as of last May, is with us when he isn't in school, last Feb the 17 year old had a falling out with his mother and moved in with us, in May the youngest followed. So we have two full time, and one part time. Since they've been with us, they have only ever seen their mother when his 19 yr old goes out there to see his gf, who lives near her(in a different county from us), which is averaging once a month. Always on Saturday afternoon and they are always home on Sunday at lunch time, including the entire summer.

We've been married almost two years, and the only two I've ever had a problem with are the 19 yr old (his) and the 14 year old. Today, I need to vent about the 14 yr old and the 21 yr old. First of all the 14 yr old has become very manipulative. It is driving me NUTS.

A couple of examples: a few weeks ago, my husband has been on her to clean her room. She promised she was going to get on it when she got home from school that Friday. As of Sunday, it hadn't been touched. He and I were running out for a minute to pick something up, she decided she was going with us. He says "no, you need to get on your room". She throws a fit and pouts, he then says "well, whatever, come if you want, but I want the room cleaned." I went in the back and called him out on it, and he comes out and tells her no, get her room done.

A week later, room STILL isn't done, on Thursday night, at 9:45, she knocks on our bedroom door and informs us she is leaving to go to her sister's house. Did not ASK, mind you, just TOLD us. He gets up goes out and asks about her room. Well, she starts "I just want to see my sister" blah blah... then says they are going to their moms and she hasn't seen her mother in weeks and etc etc etc. SO, he gives in and she leaves. I tell him that is BS, she is a CHILD and is TELLING us what she is doing. He tells me he will talk to her, and that's going to stop, he's going to put his foot down, etc...She stays at her sisters until Saturday, comes home, her and her brother take showers and they leave, go to their mom's and come home Sunday. Now, we have a dog who, when she is here, sleeps in her room. When she is here on the weekends, the dog will sleep in with her. When she isn't here the dog is crated, and wants out of her crate at 6 am. Guess who gets to get up with her?? yep, me.

So, Thursday, she tells us, she is going to her sister's for the weekend. I said, I would rather her stay home Friday, I would LOVE to sleep in. (I don't say anything about her informing us, b/c he is going to "deal with it" and I'm waiting)The three of us go back and forth about it, he tells her he wants her to stay home this weekend, and we all go off to bed.

Yesterday I get home, my oldest SD is here. I asked her what she was up to, she says "I'm here to pick up your youngest". I said "we told her not tonight last night. Did she not tell you that?" Nope. I texted my husband, and told him they were here to get her, and he says "well she needs to be home for Church Sunday. I said "WHAT? I thought we told her last night not tonight!" He says "well tell her that, you said no, your word means no" By this time, the 14 yr old had asked if she was going I said "well I thought we said no, but your father has the final say" she tells me he giggled and said he was kidding the night before. I do not remember that one at all. She then calls her father, he tells her stay home, she gets TICKED OFF, and sets the 21 yr old off. The 21 yr old leaves, and apparently proceeded to call her father ripping him a new one(According to him) which FLOORED me, I never saw that one, and I'm not 100 % sure what was said, aside from that's her SISTER and how dare we stop them from seeing each other.

So. he gets off of work and calls me, and he's ticked off about all this, and when he gets home he's going to deal with it, and he is cussing and mad, and he's tired of walking on eggshells with them, and us being run over and ready to get on to them.

He gets home, calls the two youngest out, and says, basically "get your stuff, I'm taking you over there but you have to start helping around the house without us asking and from NOW ON, ask before telling us and ask before making plans." Uhm, WHAT? Now they've thrown a temper tantrum from hell and you give IN to them???? But "don't do it again"????? He drives little Miss Priss to her sisters to EXPLAIN the situation. I did ask if he was apologized to by the 21 yr old and he tells me "not in so many words" WTF! He tells me, "In the morning, I will get up with the dog, you sleep in" I'm going "That is NOT THE POINT!!!" But I'm trying to keep it in my head these are NOT my children, and I live here, am a parenting figure to them, but ultimately HE is their parent. So, I go to bed and this morning, 6 am, I listen to the dog barking in her crate for 20 minutes before I finally get up. Slammed the door, he comes out after me telling me go back to bed. No, thank you, now I'm awake and mad all over again. I end up saying I am STILL mad b/c they threw a MEGA temper tantrum and GOT EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANTED! He asks what was he supposed to do???? I said "stand YOUR GROUND! You said no, end of story! how hard is that??"

The problem is, there is an ongoing custody issue, and I honestly think he walks on eggshells b/c he is scared she will go back to her mothers. There is a lot of back story there, but this is long enough as it is. But that is what I think the problem is, even though it doesn't make it right and it still ticks me off.

So now we aren't speaking. I'm still mad. And I'm sorry this is SO long, I just REALLY needed to vent.