Hello there!

First of all I would like to apologise - English isn't my mother tongue so please excuse any mistakes.
I am brand new to the community. Until today I thought I could deal with my "step children situation" on my own but I guess it might be helpful as well as a relief to exchange experiences and thoughts.

My situation:

I met my partner about 5 months ago and it didn't take a long time until I moved into his house.
My partner has been divorced for about 4 years now, there is no contact to the BM (I don't want to mention the reasons at this point but neither is she allowed to enter his property nor talk to him) and both BP have shared custody which means that the children (girl 12 years and girl 13 years - both almost 13 and 14)stay with their dad EVERY weekend. My partner leaves the house every morning at 6am and arrives back home between 8-8.30pm (Friday it's 6pm). Friday at 7pm he is picking up his daughters and they stay until Sun 4pm. Obviously there is not ONE day we can spend on our own.

Both girls have their own rooms in their fathers house. Our bedroom is half of their bedrooms. The older daughter even has an en-suite bathroom where two smelly ferrets used to live until they finally moved outside in a spacious five star ferret run (which cost £900). That just happened two weeks ago. With their mum the girls live in a flat and share a room.

However, the older daughter is very attached to the ferrets and every day after school (between 3 and 4pm) she shows up to feed the ferrets or to play with them, practise the keyboard, eat the food I cook, study, etc. She is a smart and reliable person who takes things serious and also has top grades. She usually leaves again around 6 or 7ish. The younger one is lazy and doesn't do a thing. She can't even manage to take her plate away after a meal.
Nevertheless we had to find a compromise for the ferret case as I do all the housework but can't really do anything in the house when they run around free as they follow me everywhere, hide there food underneath cupboards where it gets moldy, smear there food everywhere in the house, leave their droppings, bite, etc.
So now she can still have them in her two rooms but not in the rest of the house anymore which makes my life way easier. I still know that she is upset with me because of that decision made by her father but induced by me.

Therefore there is no single day without one of his children around me or us, no holiday alone (the girls can chose where they would like to travel twice every year although there is a voting where everyone else is included)and I can never foretell if and when the SDs show up.
In fact this also means that me or my partner can never at any time leave our private things anywhere, not even in the bedroom as one of the girls could possibly enter it. They do knock at the door though before entering when my partner and/or I are in the bedroom.

However I am the first woman living with him since his divorce so I understand that it is new and challenging to the girls, too. I am fond of both girls but find it really hard to interact or communicate with them as they turn almost mute everytime I talk to them. They hardly say thank you or please. In general they aren't shy girls. I am an extrovert person and respect others being more introvert but their behaviour towards their father is completely different. It seems more like they don't have an interest in getting to know me better.

I've been working with children for over 7 years, taught as a primary school teacher and never had any issues when it came to connecting with a child/teen. I know that my current situation is different but I just miss some emotions from time to time.
Unfortunately I really like to share my thoughts and opinion, a quality which isn't always welcome. I also think that children should have and respect rules and boundaries and should be treated age-based not like adults. I just think they can do whatever they feel like (bring friends over after school without asking me if I am okay with it, sleepovers where they occupy the living room so that I can't really do anything at all during the day as kitchen, dining room and living room are connected and I don't want to make the impression that I am observing them, ...). I know that in the end it's their house but I live here too and I do have a relationship with there father, I do exist as well and even though they are my partners children shouldn't there be at least one day a week where I can enjoy my relationship without one of his children being around?

Phew....thank you so much for reading.....

Lucia