I havent posted in a while but things have not gotten any better, not only do I NOT speak to my twin SDs (17) who live with us full time, (BM is in another state) but my husband is stuck in the middle of all this drama. One twin is worse than the other, mean, deceptive, rebellious, lazy, disrespectful,promiscuous etc., I cant stand the sight of her! I know that is an awful thing to say about another human being, but after living with her (them) for the last 7 years, I have several times wished I was no longer in this marriage because of them, And that is so not fair to my husband, In a past post, I stated that they have have been with their father since age 1 after he & BM split because she didnt want to be a "family" anymore, he took the kids and has had physical custody ever since. In their defense (if there has to be one) he & the BM never married, but he did marry a woman that ended in divorce after 4 years, I know what was I thinking, step-mom #2, so these kids have a ton of anger I am sure, but when I accepted his proposal 7 years ago, I did have the best of intentions of being a good step-mom, however the anger at the BM has been taken out on me. 6 months ago she wrote me a letter (an attempt to fix things BF says) I however became enraged at what this kid had the to nerve to write. Basically stating that she has wanted to fight me, rip my hair out, scream her lungs out at me, shall I go on. She did however say she wanted things to be better. I for one do not after all the hurt I have endured and feel did not deserve,so I responded to her letter and basically told her what I have wanted to say since I married her father and since the day I met her, I was direct and to the point and stated my case, that I built a home for us to live in and that I have a ton of debt in my name and all the things she has done to me, her father and our home, her laziness and that I wasnt a violent person and how I have prayed to GOD to NOT put my hands on her. I basically told her that I did not want to fix things right now, because everytime I try and bond with both of them, it backfires. She then takes my letter and writes comments all over it....that it has been 6 years and I should get over it, and that I should speak for myself about laziness (I am a neat freak to the point it can be obsessive) and where I mentioned putting my hands on her she wrote "do it and die", long story short it was then that I decided I was basically all done with this brat. I am counting the days until she is gone, if I can last that long!!! Since then it has been very uncomfortable in our home, and it has strained my marriage. Last month they over heard us arguing about our situation and I stated that something had to give, we could not continue like this, and that maybe we should split until they had their own lives, or maybe they could go live with the BM (who pays no support at all). Shortly after that it was prom and previous events had resticted them to any after prom activities, that day I found a note in her garbage that was not meant for my eyes, that said "I will go live with mom until you leave, you think I am rebellious now, wait, grounding dont bother I wont listen F*** YOU GO DIE!!
I again became enraged to the point I had to take it out on the punching bag because I would have done something I knew I would regret. BF told her she crossed the line, whether she was venting or not. Now I have reached the point of as close to hate as possible, I have despised her for so long, And she has destroyed any chance of reconciliation as long as I have a say.
It really is to bad it has to be this way, my only concern is that my anger for his kids has made me unable to show my husband any kind of affection. We have discussed divorce several times in the past, and after this last episode, I asked him again, and he wants to stay together. I know I am lucky to have him, but how can I let go of my anger??