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Omg.. I'm sooo out of my league here and I need advice!!! Please help....

Marquette's picture

Where do I start? lol
I'm 41 and have no children of my own. I tried, but had 6 miscarriages over the course of 18 years. I am a hairstylist by trade, and have an associates in web design. I was married once in my life, when I was 20, and it lasted 2 years, barely. Haven't been married since. Enough about me.. here goes..

I met a wonderful guy in September. His name is Sam. He has one teenage daughter that he has full custody of living with him, and other children either grown or with their mothers. (yeah, more than one baby-momma). Shelbi is 15, and in my opinion, out of control. I knew she was a 'problem child' from the start, let me say that. I knew she that with the way Sam works, she had lots of time alone to do as she pleased. In the time I have known Sam, Shelbi has had 4 pregnancy scares that I know of. She has a real mean streak, too, and when her friends are around she 'shows off' by being really mouthy with Sam and I both. She doesn't much help with household chores (too lazy) and rarely will get herself up for school. Her father goes through about 15 to 20 minutes of yelling over her head, shaking the bed, yanking the covers off of her, flicking cold water on her.. just to get her up, then he has to stay up for a few to make sure she doesn't go back to bed. Its ridiculous, but left to her.... well Sam and I found a note on our door from the school in regards to her truancy. Sam could get in trouble. We showed her the note, but she doesn't seem to care...

She gets into my stuff... takes what she wants.... stays out...

We got into a fight and she point blank said she will do whatever she can to make sure her dad doesn't marry me.

HELP..

Marquette's picture

Leaving will be my last option, but it WILL remain an option. Sam doesn't like the way she acts, I think he is just so tired of trying to deal with her. And yes, I agree she is the 'child-spouse', or so she thinks. Sam put a hasp/padlock on our bedroom door, he has also outfitted a small deepfreeze (which he turned down to only refridgerate) with one as well. The first to keep her out of our room so she can't get into my stuff anymore (his idea, not mine, but funny.. like to see her try now) and the reason for the deepfreeze was because if you put food in the fridge that YOU like, she will have it all ate in a day or two. Including all the pop, my mocha creamer for my coffee, the little things I get for Sam... she will eat her stuff, then his and mine too. Now she can't. Sam laughed at her when he was done putting the hasp on it. He literally told her "HA! No more drinking all the pop, feeding your friends, drinking all of marquette's creamer or eating all the food in one sitting!" Her retort? "Thats just wrong." My retort to that? "It is. No one should have to keep food locked up just to KEEP SOME IN THE HOUSE."

Since our blow up, she has managed to get up and get to school... I'm amazed. Last night she had some boy here... some bummy looking lil idiot. Of course there is only so much I can say. But he was supposed to leave and her go to bed when we did, and at some point.. I think around 1am or 2am, Sam got up and went to make sure she was in bed and Oh she was... with that boy sleeping in the bed with her.. Sam lost it. His "Oh HELL NO!" woke me up out of a dead sleep. So its not like he condones her behaviour.. just that she seems to get her way somehow.. usually through either just doing it anyway, or through manipulation. Like the other night. What started our fight was that it was midnight, Sam was telling her to go to bed, and she was saying she was hungry and she wanted him to take her to mcdonalds. (remember there was no food in our house because what I had bought she had eaten in ONE DAY) She kept saying "if you take me to get something to eat I'll go to bed." He just didn't respond to her. But she kept on for like 30 minutes.. till I just couldn't take it anymore. I blew up and told her that there was no bargaining. Her dad told her to go to bed. So GO TO BED. She looked at me and said "I don't know who you think you are. I was talking to my Dad, not you. Shut up." Sam didn't say anthing to her so I went off on her. It was bad, but she did leave the room and go to bed. lol

Oh and as for military school, we looked into it. Its 25k per year, and Sam and I are about as broke as they come. The only way is if its court ordered, and in Oklahoma, unless she gets into some kind of trouble with the law repeatedly, they won't send her. Sad, huh?

staceyj's picture

If I had of heard the term guilty daddy parenting before I got married, Im not quite sure I would have my married my hubby. I saw a bit of what was going on in the beginning of our relationship, I saw much more after we were married.
For him not to say anything to her when she spoke to you that way, thats a big red flag in my book.
She sounds like a real treat. Good luck

Marquette's picture

Well he said something to her the next morning.. because her attitude towards me changed a good deal. Now I don't know what it was he said, or how long it will last... And yes, its a red flag that he didn't speak up then and there. I know this. I'm pretty tenacious though and have a problem about giving up. Him and I are both off today, and I plan on talking to him. I plan to tell him that if he doesn't crack down on shelbi and at least not allow her to disrespect me like that, I'm gone. I knew when him and I first got together that she was 'terrible' so I wasn't under any illusions exactly, but it HAS gotten worse.

When I met sam, he lived in a really small town, Minco. It was just him and Shelbi. Sam works a lot of hours to make enough money to support them both, and its usually in the evenings and nights. So Shelbi pretty much had free reign after school when her dad was at work.

After him and I decided to get a place together (and at the time my mother was with me as well) shelbi didn't have the 'free run' that she had, as my mother was always home. She didn't allow shelbi to just do whatever she wanted. My mother passed away Feb 3rd and now.. its back to the same way again because I work nights too.