Not sure what to do about this situation. SS16, last time he was over the day of the super bowl, Feb 4 I think. He was in a good mood when he left, he babysat my bro's kids the night before and made $30. He texted his dad, my DH, through the whole super bowl game from his mother's house. Not much on Monday as we usually don't see him on Mondays, then tuesday DH went to pick him up a bit earlier than usual, 5pm. He calls DH and says he does not want to be picked up until 6pm, and the parenting agreement states that (how does he know????) So DH says he's not going by his mother's house to go to his house to turn around 20 mins later to get him, he'll pick him up at 5. SS says he wants to stay at his mother's until 6 and just chill on the couch "because thats my 'thing', thats what I do". DH got upset and it turned into a yelling fight between the 2 of them. SS says he's not coming over that night. OK. SS16 is EXTREMELY lazy, and loves to eat (little chubby) and has a PS3 at his mother's house which he plays morning, noon & night. At our house, we don't drink soda, eat junk food much and we don't have a PS3. We have him clean his room and clean up dinner dishes (usually one of us helps him). Random other chores that need to be done, but for the most part, he watches TV, has friends over, is on FB 24/7 and his iPod Touch ALL THE TIME. (OH we make him put it down at dinner time).

He used to want to drive, he used to want a job... now he does not want any of these things. His mother is playing him against us, buying him fried chicken, soda, candy bars (he posts these things on FB) and he posts how he plays PS3 until 2-3 in the morning. He won't ever respond to any message DH leaves him, voicemail, email, fb message, text.. nothing. DH goes to his basketball games every sunday still and he'll come up and talk to DH for a few mins, but thats it. DH bought both kids Celtics tickets for Christmas and the game is this weekend. SS tells DH on Sunday he's going to the game, then yesterday SS sends DH a fb message that he's not going, he's had other plans for a long time now. ???? Longer than almost 3 months, when we gave him the ticket????? WTF? DH is soooo upset and beside himself. SS wont' tell him what the issue is, DH flat out asked him if he's mad at him or me or whats up, but he says No, and nothing. It makes NO sense at all. His mother is spoiling him and encouraging his behavior we are sure of this (she's very petty and vindictive and still mad at DH for divorcing her almost 7 years ago!!!).

DH talk to his mother the other day who told him to let it go for awhile, I told him to let it go for awhile... but he is afraid to stop communicating with his son for too long. I told him to send a message once a week at most, but to stop asking him to commit to anything like Easter or the game, just say Hi and ask him how things are going, thats it. Its killing DH to not know why his son won't communicate with him, wont' come over anymore, etc... even though DH knows his son is under his mother's influence (extreme PAS situation here) and that's the reason, it's like he wants the kid to own up to that. But I think the kid has no idea what his mother is doing. I don't want DH to act rash out of anger or frustration and say or do things he does not mean and cause permanent damage to his relationship with his son, but I know DH and he's going to think this to death and try, try, try to get some answers from the kid who just does not want to answer.

My question is, does anyone has any advice I can give DH to ease his mind on this matter and help him back off and give the kid room to figure out what his mother is doing on his own? How to make him ask his Dad to come over again and realize he misses his dad? How to make DH feel ok about not knowing answers but leaving his son alone for awhile until the kid comes back around on his own? DH thinks the further the distance, the more under her influence he'll be, and the more he'll lose him. I don't think this is the case. His ex did this with their other son when he was 16, and it kind of worked, but he's 19 now and coming back around and even told his Dad that he was a jerk and sees how much his Dad tried to help him and he appreciates it and he's sorry he messed it all up. He's seeing his mother's true colors and what she's doing to SS16 now. Sorry so long.... advice needed plase!!!