DH got up & left for work this morning, not realizing SS18 wasn't in his room because he didn't even come home last night. Now that I am committed to DISENGAGEMENT I of course said nothing. Not my monkey, not my circus. Already I can feel the difference: I'm neither worried (pretty sure SS stayed at his new BFF's house again, more on that in a moment) nor angry. Boy, is that FREEING! Also freeing that I cancelled the GPS tracking service so I can no longer see where SS is at any given time. Now that he's 18 & graduated (thank God he actually graduated!), and I'm dedicated to restoring sanity via disengagement, I feel relieved. I had no idea that SS's graduation would bring so much relief.

Now, I just need to take good care of myself & get my finances separated from DH. I've been handling 100% of the money, bill-paying, etc., since before me & DH married- he would cash his checks & hand me the money. He trusts me 100% and finally last year went through the 6-week FPU classes (I'd been wanting to for years) and we paid off all debt and are on our way to having the cars paid off soon, so there will literally be zero debt. I'm the money "Nerd" and DH is the "Free Spirit" in FPU lingo, meaning I won't buy a stick of gum until the bills are paid 1st; DH thinks about the joint income annual $$ amount and assumes "we can totally afford that right now!" without considering what the current cash-on-hand situation is (we cut up the credit cards @FPU but I didn't cancel any accounts; everything is paid off though). So after a fight earlier this month, I told DH I was splitting money so he can no longer be upset at having to run big-ticket items by me before purchasing. Also, because we now each earn almost the same amount (which was not the case when we 1st got together; the bad economy wiped out DH's industry and he was scraping by doing jobs beneath his level just to make it, even though he'd done VERY WELL before the economic downturn; he's doing great now in another industry), this would allow DH to see how much of HIS money he has left to spend after all regular monthly expenses.

I'm thinking this also because recently, DH stated he thinks we'll need to put SS18 on our auto insurance & help him with gas & insurance. This is after 3-4 years of us regularly telling SS he can drive only when A) he has a license, he pays for hia auto insurance, and C) he pays his own gas. No way will I pay for any of that, and I am 100% willing to split my bank accounts, auto insurance, and mobile phone service so I pay my own & DH covers himself & SS. Come year-end, I would remove DH from the Excellent health insurance from my firm and he can put himself & SS on that (DH's firm does not pay the deductibles like mine dies). That way (I'm thinking but would appreciate feedback) he can 100% not go through me when he wants to buy a new toy or gadget, expensive gifts for SS, new car, whatev. I did not want to separate finances because it seems like a pre-divorce move, but after the lasr fight I just don't want to be in the position of having to debate expenditures.

So a friend is going to help me do money-split. DH apologized after that last debate/fight, but the issues remain unresolved. Namely, DH has allowed lazy SS18 to continue his 14-year old lifestyle - we got him a car 2.5 years ago and still no license (got a job in May finally). All of SS's earnings (except a small amount he asked me to put in my safe) are very likely going "up in smoke" and to fast food... instead of saving to pay car insurance & gas. Also, SS big talk about going to community college 30 miles from home... but 2018 Fall semester starts August 25th and SS doesn't even have a drivers license yet, so I'm incredulous about the feasibility if a brand-new teenage driver taking 12 units & commuting 30 miles each way. Recently I've suggested to DH that SS might need a bus pass instead of a semester parking pass, but DH was all, "Don't worry, he'll be driving by then. I gotta help him," but pathetically, SS has only made time for DH to take him driving once. Exactly once. 

But now SS has a new Best Friend. Background is his BM is a user/manipulator/con artist, and I  think SS is currently in the "love-bombing" phase. A lot of his druggie friendships dissolved this past year (answered prayers of mine) but now has this exhilarating new best friend & is spending tons of time eith this kid. So he's gone a lot and that's really nice for me. We'll see how it goes but mainly I am so concerned that DH (who points out I don't trust him and is sad about that; me too) will CONTINUE TO ENABLE SS18 who has already had a prolonged adolescense and is very childish for his age IMO. 

Thank you for reading & for being on this site. I am grateful for this ST community.