Step daughter neglects school to spend time with her boyfriend
I have been a step mother for more than 2 years to these good kids (now teenagers, 12 and 16), however, when it comes to parenting, I find it hard to know what I can and can't say, because although they are not my biological kids, they still live in our house and in my house there are rules that need to follow. Which my husband and I don't always agree on. He is the "fun" parent and doesn't like to discipline. However, I am more of a disciplinarian when it comes to raising kids. Because especially teenagers, tend to test adults and to always want more than what they can have.
So my husband has a 16 year old daughter, we get along very well, I am her confidente, she likes to tell me about her problems with school, her friends and her boyfriend, and she started to have an intimate aspect to her relationship with her boyfriend. She came to me for advice. However, every weekend, her boyfriend comes over at our house to sleep there (in her bed). That makes me a little uncomfortable since it is in my house, but I don't know what I can and can't say. It doesn't disturb my husband at all, we had a conversation about it and he says he's fine with it. She also goes to his place to sleep over. That's where the problem is. He (her boyfriend) picks her up after school on the Friday, and we always say she has to be back at home on the Sunday for dinner. But every week it's a hassle to get her back home. She often stays over on Sunday too, finds an excuse like: his car broke down, we are having a late dinner (that starts at 9 pm), we are out of town with his parents, etc. We've heard them all. And she's sneaky about it too, because yesterday was Sunday, we had agreed upon her returning at 5:30, before dinner. 5:15 rolls around, she's not there. We call her, no answer, we text her, no answer. We get worried something might've happened. We call again about 15 minutes later, no answer. She texts us at 6:30 (by that time we were really worried), to say that she'll be having dinner over there instead of home. No asking for permission, or please or anything. And that is all done by text to my husband (her dad). He gets angry, but he says ok, but she has to be back before 9 pm. 9 pm rolls around, she texts him to say they haven't had dinner yet, so she says she'll be back later. Now I get angry, I know she's just doing all this on purpose because she wanted to stay an extra night at her boyfriend's. But to me, on a school night, there is no sleepovers, you get home, you eat dinner with family, you get ready for the week and that is all. So as I expected, 10:30 rolls around, she's still not there and she says they're not done with dinner. She asks her dad to stay over there because it is getting too late and guess what, he says yes. This is frustrating to me, because I know fully well that she is manipulating and that they most likely had dinner before 9 pm, but she lied and she did all that to stay at her boyfriend's. Also, she missed school in the past for that. She stayed over at his place on a school night and the next morning his mom was supposed to bring her to school, but she skipped school. I am worried she is not taking her education seriously and she is on her senior year, so it is important that she does. I don't know what to do.
Is your DH intellectually
Is your DH intellectually challenged? Is he in such a hurry to be called grandpa that he is willing to sacrifice his daughter's education, career, future?
A highschool boy
A highschool boy sleeping in bed with your 16 year old SD every other weekend makes you "a little uncomfortable?" Just a LITTLE????? And her dear old dad is perfectly fine having breakfast with this kid know he just spent the night playing with his daughter's kibbles and bits? Wow...at a loss here...
Wow, there are some bad
Wow, there are some bad fathers on here but this one is in the top 5. Why are you guys surprised she doesn't follow his "requests" to be home, she knows there will be zero consequences.
What can you do? Not much without some serious rocking of the boat. Are you okay with that?
I'm stunned that two teens
I'm stunned that two teens with naive/wimpy/ridiculously permissive parents have found each other and are basically living together by rotating through their families' homes. Shit parenting at its finest!
You can certainly tell your husband that you don't want overnight guests of the teenage male variety in your home and that it makes YOU uncomfortable. You can tell him you will not be housing pregnant teens and/or his grandchildren. You could even tell him he's a horrible parent and is doing his daughter a huge disservice. But ultimately the raising of his daughter is up to him. You should have a say if it affects you (the overnight guests), but otherwise it'd be best to disengage if he pursues a course you can't get on board with. I'd find it difficult to be with a man who is such a crappy parent.
Is this a hit and run?
Is this a hit and run?
Disturbing on so many levels.
Disturbing on so many levels. How your H can be so passive about this is beyond me, when/if this girl gets knocked up I hope he doesn't react in shock and wonder how...
So, what exactly is "good"
So, what exactly is "good" about a 16yo who blows off school responsibilities to canoodle with a BF or GF?
Nearly every post that starts with a reference to a good kid or amazing spouse invariably is about behaviors that are far from "good" or "amazing".
I am firmly in the equity life partners are absolutely equity parents to any spawn in their home regardless of kid biology camp.
It is YOUR home so you can set and enforce the rules since your DH is a ball-less wonder of a father and not man enough to parent. If he does not like how you parent and discipline he can step up and get it done before you have to.
First, shut off her phone. Next, the next time she fails to come home as instructed it is time call the police. See how she and her BF like it when the police show up at his home and frog march his ass out of his house in cuffs for contributing to the delinquency of a minor then hold her at the Police Station until daddy shows up to get her. They can arrest his parents too.
I cannot nor do I ignore this kind of crap.
Shut her world down and apply escalating consequences until you land on the state of abject misery that motivates her to correct her behavior.
Lather, rinse, repeat until she catches a clue. If you and daddy think that the 16yo has her head way up her own ass wait until the 12yo starts doing what she is seeing her big sister get away with.
smh
Amen!!
This. 1000%.
These two teens can start
These two teens can start sleeping together when they can afford to get their own place. Her priorities are entirely screwed up. They should both be attending school fulltime, and both should be working parttime. Maybe they can start saving up for childcare.
Do not have children with this man
You may have a girl , Your DH is doing the worst job of parenting in this world. Is he supplying birth control?
Do you want to raise a grandbaby?
Because that's what's going to happen. That kid is going to get pregnant and you will be stuck taking care of the baby because I'm sorry, but your husband seems like he's just as immature as the teens are here.
Put your foot down.