Step-son refuses to come home if im there
My stepson 14 has been living down the street with my wifes sister for almost 2 months. There is a lot of history between him and I. He has said for almost 3 yrs that he will do whatever it takes to make his mom get rid of me just like he did her last relationship. He has said this nuemerous times to me, his mom and all of her family. Weve been together for almost 4 yrs. We have a daughter who is 2. This kid has threatend me with cutting my legs off, he has been in trouble with the law, gone to ydc, sold drugs in school. He acts like he's an adult and can do whatever he pleases. Lately he called dfcs, and told them I was going to kill him. What a crock of s...! they came to the house and questioned me, and told me they are there to protect him. FROM WHAT? He lies, steals, creates stories, stirs up crap, and his mom just wont do anything. Now, after dfcs came to the house and opened a case, I got angry. Very angry. I have done for this kid, tried to do nice things for and with him, but it seems the more i do, the worse he gets. Makes no sense. His dad is not in his life. His dad went to prison for 5 years, while there my wife at the time who i didnt know, was in constant contact with him. She has told me that she was going to get back together with him when he got out, and told this to her son as well. Well here I come in the picture and all that goes away. So I see how he blames me for getting in the way, but come on...any way, her other child 9, is a wonderful sweet child, who is honor roll, never caused me any grief. I've left the house for 2 weeks, he came home, when i came back he left. This has been going on for 2 months. My wife now says she wants her son home, so im going to have to leave. I REFUSE!! No more of this BS. Told her it doesnt matter if I left for 6mths, when i come back hes gonna leave. So..now my wife all 3 kids are staying with her sister, 4 doors down. So she can be with her precious son. I told her im not leaving..i refuse, she needs to MAKE him come home. Shes the parent, not him. All she tells me is..I cant make him. Ok? anyway..life has been rough..this kid is bound and determined to get rid of any man who comes into his life..that much i believe!
She has made her choice
She has made her choice then?She would rather have her son in her life and not you.Too bad for your 2 year old since,she is the innocent victim in it all.Who does the house belong to?
Yeah, stick to your guns
Yeah, stick to your guns brother. She can't let an out of control adolescent with a drug problem dictate her future and her relationships and where and how she lives, and if even if she does she damned sure can't force it on you. Make her file for divorce and do your damnedest to keep everything you have coming to you.
I know that sounds harsh, but if you leave ... well, there's no option there. DO NOT LEAVE.
Wow...you've got the "tail
Wow...you've got the "tail wagging the dog" here. If your wife has heard these threats first hand from her oldest, why wont she put her foot down and back you up? Not sure what this other guy is in prison for, but it seems the apple didnt fall far from the tree! Yikes.
The fact that you now have a 2yo little girl in the ring, you have a vested interest to work this out, or you could end up out of the picture with your daughter in the mix with this wackjob! I definitely wouldnt like it that the son is there while I was gone...it just gives the kid an element of power, as if it's "his house" when you're not there, and he can do whatever he wants. I have this same issue with my 14yo SS and DH, that I wont let SS at my house, but DH seems to think it should be "fine with me" if he brings him there when I'm not home? It's not totally about keeping him away from ME, it's a matter of RESPECT when it comes to MY home! DH simply does not and will not get it. I just dont like the message it sends that he's allowed to be there when I'm gone. That tells the child that his parent is on "his side" and therefore there are "teams" and that they are AGAINST ME. The adults/parents need to be on the same "team" if anything. This whole thing is just so dysfunctional from every angle.
I implore you to get your wife into a long discussion where you tell all your feelings and what you each hope for an outcome. The TWO OF YOU need to be a team together, and work out the best scenario for the whole family. The 14yo son is still a kid (believe me, I know the not-so-innocent-practically-adult type) and your wife is giving him entirely too much control over everything and everyone. He is not the only one in this. Once you and your wife decide what you want to do, you will have to sit down the son (together but let your wife do the talking) and make it clear that you're not going anywhere, and that SS either cooperate, or HE will be the one who is out, and be ready to back it up (if he tries to call the bluff). Kids can be stubborn, but he'll come crawling back. Your wife needs a backbone!
And if all that fails? Threaten to divorce your wife and take custody of your daughter...maybe that'll get her to grow a pair?!