Tired of them both sd and dh

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My entire life is suppost to revolve around him and his brat teenager kid. he gets money he spends it all on himself and his brat. he leaves himself broke and then is smoking my cigarettes buys me cheap stuff for my lunches,and doesnt seem to care if i go without because as long as they have i should just be happy.

im so miserable being in this two way realtionship.Anything I need that requires money he wont provide.He would rather see me go without because it would take from him and his brat wants and needs. They is really no me in this equation,, it seems .. I am so far in the hole having to look after myself that I dont even have the funds to pack up and leave. oh yes, I pay half of everything here. really more..if i did the math

so i quess i have to quit smoking because i buy enough smokes for myself for two weeks ( until i get paid) i pay my share of the groceries.. he is cheap with my lunches or doesnt buy enough. sd 16 gets nothing but the best for her lunches ,, salads , wraps, money for lunch, treats, and money for take out.or he will buy her favorites and say ""oh look what I bough you two for your lunches the entire time knowing I dont like what he bought. I just look at him like "are you for real"!...anything sd wants he provides. period!!

Called into work sick this morning ( just stress and needed a mental health day ) i couldnt believe it,,walks into the kitchen makes sd her breakfast.. begins packing her feast for her lunch ,, a big salad, chicken wrap, pop, lots of treats ,, and then throws money on the table for her.she then heads in to her hour long shower. walks into the room and goes threw her expensive cloths, make up, shoes, body sprays, and etc. then when shes ready she leaves.. she puts on her expensive back pack, coat, and grabs her spending money and away she goes. must have been a aha moment for me.

heres how my day goes I get up earlier for work to have some me time before I leave. make myself a coffee and read steptalk. i go to make my lunch. Oh , he forgot to buy bread because sd doesnt like it. I grab her wrap and add a piece of cheap ham he bought me in the groceries and make a wrap. oh sd ate all the banadas.arr
I bough for my lunch. cant take that now. grab a can of sd pop and throw it in my lunch container, look around oh he bough cheese for sd salads. Cut up some of that for my lunch. go into the bathroom and use my cheap makeup, body wash , perfume , and etc and get ready. I put my hair up in a pony tail because I havent been able to afford to get my hair done and it looks awful.Go put on my cheap cloths that should be replaced and head out the door with no coat or boots to my job .. carrying my worn out purse..

I wonder what does it feel like to have a man take you out for supper, buy you something nice once in awhile, take you away for the weekend, and just put you first once in awhile. ''

Im thinking of getting another job on the weekends for I can have the funds to get out of this soul sucking relationship.. Im expected to cook, clean, while they sit on there asses. he does nothing around this house. sd is catered to by him and has absolutely no chores in this house. I try to go out visit my sister, friends, go shopping. I cannot even do that as he invites himself and his brat and comes with me. ugh.. not even a break from those two. Thanks for letting me vent.

any suggestions would be helpful?

Don’t clean and cook for them!

when you want to go visit your sister and he invites himself and his daughter, feel free to say no. This is just sister-sister time.

do your laundry, do only your cooking. If you buy your groceries and sd ate it all greedily, tell your partner to go get the things she finished immediately. If he claims he’s broke remind him he had x amount of dollars for her lunch and groceries so he leaves the house now to replace those things and doesn’t come home till he has them. Then he reminds sd not to touch your grocery items

when i was pregnant with both kids and suffering severe morning sickness and acid reflux, i was really restricted with what i could have, i actually had to hide my stuff and ss (then an adult) actually went looking in the fridge in the veggie section for my snacks and finished it all within hours

so here i am next morning so weak from vomiting 4-5 times in 1 hour and barely able to keep anything down, go to the fridge to get ny special drink or food and guess what, its all finished

i lost it with hubby and told him he needed to fix his immediately. Hubby thought oh thats ok i’ll get it on the way home so i’d say “so what am i supposed to do for the next 12+ hours till you get home? Not eat or drink?”

he sorted that issue real quick and ss buys his takeout with his monthly allowance money because its easier to drive 20-30 mins to get a subway rather than spend a few making your own sandwich

Yes, get another job. And

Yes, get another job. And split finances, then do your own shopping so he can buy for himself and SD and you can buy your own food. Start paying only 1/3 of bills, not half, or whatever’s fair based on how much SD is over.

Stop just accepting poor treatment and find a way out.

Stop financing

Stop financing his children's lifestyle. You may have been paying a certain amount so far but tell him you can't anymore. I get that you are probably afraid to have a straight out conversation about what is fair and what is not or you would have done it a long time ago. Certainly you are not handing over your entire paycheck and living with cut-rate food and clothing just for fun! And if you get a second job he will just want that money too. So you are going to have to be creative. Tell him your hours got cut at your first job or you had to take a temporary pay cut and that you have an expense that came up that you have no choice but to pay. A large co-pay for a medical test maybe. Get the second job and as much as you can possibly skim off the first paycheck and save like crazy for 2 months or so. Then take the money you saved up and get the hell out of there. You have been paying through the nose to subsidize other people while you don't have a COAT. Time for drastic action.

This is an important lesson

This is an important lesson for women in general. Don't count on someone to take care of you. If you want more out of life, go get it! Go back to school, get a 2nd job, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

You can complain that he provides more for his daughter than you, but frankly providing healthy food for our children is what parents are supposed to do.

I agree that you should split the bills. In a 1/3 - 2/3 ratio for the time being. If that doesn't give you the financial freedom you need, then maybe you need to figure out where you can cut costs. Cable? When I was single, I did just the basic internet package and Netflix. I saved like $100 a month doing that. Smoking is terrible for your health anyway. It makes you stink, have bead breath, dental issues, not to mention the additional risk of hear attacks, cancer and stroke-- especially if you are on birth control! I have heard that many of the products for smoking cessation are covered by insurance with little or no copay now. That could save you some serious $ every month!

Thank you for all the advice

Thanks guys ...you know there is two different kinds of love one you feel for you spouse and the other you feel for you child....so since he doesn't see her go without but would me ...does he love me ?maybe I'm just an extra pay cheque and A bed warmer

That is exactly what you are

That is exactly what you are for this guy. But not all men are like this.

I came home last night to my beautiful and skid free home. My DH greeted me before I even had my car door open. He had made dinner ( I usually cook, so it wasnt the greatest but he tried and was so proud of his efforts), handed me a cocktail, and said "Sit down and relax for a minute before we eat". Next thing I know, he's got a blue jeweler's box in his hand for me! A pretty sterling silver necklace and earrings, just because they caught his eye.

My H isn't perfect, but he always puts me first. Even through the worst of steplife, he's never elevated his kids above me and never believed in spoiling children. He saw too much of that in his own family, where his father was enmeshed with and spoiled DH's sisters rotten while holding DH to a much higher standard. We have a good life and a strong marriage because we are partners who take care of each other.

Some men can be trained, some have character defects (liars, theives, cheaters, cowards, etc) and some have emotional issues that impede their ability to think and behave rationally. On this site we see a lot of posters dealing with partners who haven't worked out their angst fromm their last relationship, are parenting out of guilt, or just don't have good parenting skills at all. Your SO sounds like he has a number of issues that make him a poor partner, but you also bear some responsibility for accepting poor treatment and not speaking up for yourself. You need to draw some boundaries and stop eating excrement. Pay only one third of the bills, and start saving to move on to something better.

Re-read your post. Consider

Re-read your post. Consider it as if you are reading that same post from someone else. What would you advise them to do?

You know what to do.

So do it.

For yourself.

Take care of you.

Leave this shallow and polluted gene pool to starve. They have clearly told you that they don’t give a shit about you. You owe them noting. Stop paying for anything. Go stay with friends or family and let them starve while you move on to your new life adventure with that genetic cesspool rotting in your past.

Great advise and thank you

if i replied to someone else here ,,,no emotions involved ..here is the advise i would give.

id sit dh down and have a chat with him. id explain that you are not able to live above your means.explain to him that he makes more money then you do. Id just state the obvious to him

-i cannot afford to live in a large three bedroom house
-I cannot afford to have an expensive package for cable and internet
=the hydro bill here is "very" high its to expensive for me
- etc etc

I cannot take on another job because then I would be to tired to be the family servant as I refuse to live in a dirty house.

I need not want nice clothes, my hair done, and makeup as I work in an office and my employer has been frowning on me because I am not living up to their dress code. I cannot lose my job because you have made it "very" clear your money is yours and sd.

I will be moving in with my sister paying her room and board. This way I wont have to take on another job and I will have extra money to buy myself everything i need and maybe a few things I want.

id also suggest if he wanted to take you out on dates ( if you weren't busy ) you be open to a movie or supper ...let him wine you and dine you. if not.. bye bye

thank you all for your great advice. I think i would be crazy if i didn't have this site

I'm filling in a lot of gaps

I'm filling in a lot of gaps in your story here, but here's how it looks:

You got married and agreed to keep your bills to yourself / his bills to himself. But somehow you ended up in a house and living situation that you can't afford as a single person. So it's like you agreed to be the third roommate in an apartment you cannot afford. That wasn't very smart. He did get a sweet deal, although I have no idea why you agreed to this setup.

THe problem I see is that you're living like a roommate when you're a wife. Many here will swear by separate finances. I never really understood that because finances are rarely equal by chance, especially for women, who earn less than men. Then you throw in skids and it gets even harder to make a fair situation.

If you're living like a single person, struggling to afford to eat and clothe yourself when you're married, it seems to me the problem is obvious. The original agreement you and he made to keep separate finances isn't working. You need to revisit it and renegotiate with him.

You can't stay happily married if you're cash strapped. You will never be able to leave him if you are cash strapped. The culprit is the arrangement that everyone pay for him or herself. Address that with him. If you can take off the financial stress, maybe the other things that seem intolerable will be manageable.