Too many sk!!!!
I have been with my DH for 8 years. Have 2 kids of my own and raising a SD for 6 years. But he has 3 other kids . Age SS18 SD15 SD14. I have had to deal with alot from them , Like all of you. But the past 3 years had become harder. They are all so rude to me and their dad.
Everything is my fault. If they back talk or smart mouth their dad and get into trouble for . It's my fault cause ?? who knows why!! If they have to clean it's my fault . So on , and so on! But for the past 2 years I have had less and less to do with them. Going shopping while their here , without them. Not saying much to them. I don't ask them to do anything , I don't tell them to stop doing anything , UNLESS it has something to do with my kids (fighting). I leave everything up to their dad now. Not knowing what I was doing , By not having anything to do with them other than trying to save my self from going to the crazy house! Now I know It's called disengage!! But this has somehow back fired on me , and it's my fault , again.
A few weeks ago theyall came down for a weekend , in the car ride home the SD14 asked something and i answered it. Then she got smart with me mouthing off. I didn't say anything , But my DH did. Now to get the clear picture of this she is 14 and act like she's 30 and can say anything to anybody doesn't seem to care how it's going to make the other person feel as long as she can get the last word in , over talk everyone ect. As DH is geting on to her in the car , while driving,she will not shut up. She just keeps on saying "I wasn't getting smart with her." "I don't have a attitude." Yelling at her dad just on and on! He had to pull the car over and pop her like she a 2 year old. and takes the phone from her. She starts to cry.and says you need to let me call my mama 1st. He asked her why . She says " cause i'm staying at your house." He told her she was staying and she could call her mom when we get home. So that just starts the weekend off sh*tty . Now we all have to put with this all weekend long. I didn't see it at the time but the two teen SD's were teaming up!!! They wait until he takes them home on sunday. Then the text start!! He couldn't even read one before the next one was coming in! Here just a few
I can't help that they (my kids) don't have a dad but she(me) didn't have to give them mine!
we used to be close
i have nothing to say to you
you choose them (me and my kids)over me/us
your a sorry dad
I'm not coming to your house anymore
She (me) don't like us
She dont have anything to do with us
I seen the text on my DH phone but didn't say anything. I was waiting for him to come to me about it. But he didn't, so this past weekend (they didn't come over) i asked him about it. He said it was nothing they were just mad cause i will not let them talk to me and you like that anymore and let them have their way. So i'm thinkingGood DH , but too late for it to work!! Should have done this a few years ago when a 9 years was was having a fit cause she didn't like what we wre having for lunch and you gave in a fixed her what she wanted!!! Or didn't like what i fix for supper and you ran to Micky D's to get her what she wanted! Or when we had to watch what she wants on tv/movies. But what do I know.I'm just a outsider , looking in !!!
But when Isaid some of the things I seen in the text/fb. He started to open up alittle bit. He said that the SD's dont think I like them. And I said I don't. I waited to see what he would say about that. But nothing! Dose this mean he understands why I don't like them. Or is he just trying to keep some peace.
Then he went on about how they said I dont have anything to do with them anymore. I feel I have good reason not to do anything with them and was ready to explain why! But he didn't ask. Agin does he understand or trying to keep peace.
I haven't always treated my kids better than his . But the past few years the way they act with me , I have cut them off. I would not let my BD talk to me the way they do or act like them. I have no respect for them. Because , I really don't care what they think of me, cause trust me they really don't wanna know what I think of them! But I leave them alone. I feel their should have to do everything for them while their at our house.But then they just bitch about how I don't do anything for them !
So to disengage has helped me! but hurt my DH. I know it hurts DH , For them
to say the things they have said to him. and I'm sure it's just teen brats being teen brats, but to see him like this hurts me too.I love him and don't want to make him choose me or them. I don't even think he can choose. Should I choose for him? Move me and my kids out of the picture? To keep the peace?
You've taken on too much of
You've taken on too much of the blame. This "I hate you" is typical teenage angst and its the the girls who are usually the worst in playing it up for the drama. He's doing the right thing by not begging or insisting. He may not see them for awhile, perhaps years if their mother is egging them on, but as they mature they'll come around.
As to your question as to his motives who knows what's going on in his mind but it doesn't sound like he's angry at you. You've been honest enough now you simply support him in whatever decisions he makes. Give advise once if you think its needed then leave the subject alone.
He is obviously aware of how they are treating you and is on your side. This is unusual and you are fortunate.
There are Forums for non-custodial fathers find some and recommend them to him.
I just want to say thanks to
I just want to say thanks to both of you for your comments. It's nice to know that someone really understands! The more I read into older post on here. There are so many I can relate to in one way or another.
This site has been a huge HELP. As ALL of your post!!