Urinating in the shower area??
Has anyone had any experiences with their teenage skids pissing in the shower recess, when the toilet is in the same room?
The shower has a bath and ledge at the back, and a couple of times Ive come into the bathroom to use the toilet (its in the same room) and I could smell strong smell of urine. I could see urine sitting in the bottom of the bath and on the ledge area. Gross. SS15 has done this before. But why when you have to walk past the toilet to get to the shower/bath recess? Last time I openly asked the question...whos peed in the shower area and he acted all innocent. I told SO my theory and all was forgotten. This time I KNOW it was him and poured so much bleach and domestos in there, you could smell it from the front door!!
SS15 dosent live with me but was staying with me (us) over the Christmas break. He is a very troubled teenager who I suspect has BPD or at least shows similar traits of the personality disorder. We are talking about planning to move in together in February (next month). Any feedback re guidelines and specific rules for living in my home with a challenging teenager? We have been in a relationship for nearly 5 years and want to move to the next level.
See you live with a "R.
See you live with a "R. Kelly".
In Cleveland Browns voice: "That's nasty".
If you can handle living in a
If you can handle living in a pissy smelling house, then go for it. Otherwise, keep your own place as well as your sanity and stay away from this crap.
If you DO decide to move in however, and the kid does it in your shower.. if you were me..I'd get a bucket of urine (maybe your dog or cats..or you could be real nasty and do it yourself).. and pour it on his bed and when he screams just say "now you know how I feel when you do it in my bathroom! In future use the goddamn toilet".
Eeeeewwww. Keep him out of
Eeeeewwww. Keep him out of your home. You've waited 5 years already. Wait for him to age out & make sure it is know he is not welcome to move in.
Ditto, ditto, ditto!!! My SD
Ditto, ditto, ditto!!!
My SD is a disgusting person...didn't know how disgusting until she moved into this house! Now, that she has moved out again (couldn't take the consequences when she finally got in trouble for doing what she does), I have totally scrubbed all that I can...especially the bathroom she used! It was so gross when she lived here, if a guest needed to use the bathroom, I sent them to my master bath off my bedroom! Toilet, sink, and tub were disgusting. There would often be poop panties on the floor of the bathroom (yes, she is 15 and doesn't wipe her ass), as well as unwrapped used pads from the overflowing trash can. I'm still working on the smell in there which I swear seeped into the drywall!
I pray any visits are few and far between...that she is always too busy to visit! I know when she does visit, I will have to completely disinfect the bathroom and my kitchen again (I have watch her lick her fingers and try to clean jelly off the counter when she was gotten told to clean her mess, when there is a sponge right there at the sink). And we don't even want to talk about toenail clippings in my TV room!
Like I said...the girl is disgusting! If your SS is even half as gross, you are best to keep a separate living space until he is of age to be on his own!
Me, too!!!! It has been so
Me, too!!!! It has been so nice around here! I cleaned my house top to bottom a week ago, and it's still clean!!!! I walk in the door, and it smells nice and fresh! It is bad when you have as many pets as I do (three cats and two dogs), and when you walk in the house, you smell human stench rather than animal! Her room is right next to the intake vent for the air system in our house, so yeah...if smells were coming out of there, they were all over the house! You never smell my animals, as I'm always on top of the litter box, regularly spray the dogs beds and bathe them, etc.
Its hard isn't it? After all
Its hard isn't it? After all this time together through all the highs and lows, its expected of us to have to put our happiness aside for the kids. Personally, I don't know why we should. BM has...she is living a glorious life with her BF completely stress free and without any responsibilities to any of her 3 children (SS15, SD18 and SD20). Her choice though and one day she will see what she has given up but in the mean time, we have to continue to put our lives on hold.
I don't know how much more I can take quite frankly. How do couples continue to nourish the relationship and grow stronger when you live separately- not sharing finances or lives? It is doing my head in "just dating" and being his girlfriend after everything Ive (we've) had to endure, I deserve to be his wife, not just some woman he is dating.
I have a counselling appointment tomorrow. Ive had regular counselling for a couple of years now and that's been helping me tremendously as I am growing increasingly resentful and can see me needing to walk away from the relationship, if it cannot get the chance to thrive and move forward...despite the obstacles.
I hear all your warnings and it definitely worries me what you say and predict as being the likely outcome. I don't want to be another statistic. Ive been reading these boards for a while now and its an eye opener so I can see what can transpire while wearing rose coloured glasses. I just don't know what to do.
OMG! My SD, too! Of course, I
OMG! My SD, too! Of course, I know where her problems came from...BM kept her in diapers until she was nearly 5! We used to get calls from the school about needing to bring the girl a change of clothing because she peed herself...because BM didn't have a car, DH would have to take off of work to go get clothes from BM, and take them to school. He finally told her if this was going to keep up, she needed to put a change of clothes in the girl's backpack! After visits back then, I would go in her room and it would smell like pee. I would find the sheets off her bed stuffed somewhere to try to hide them, and peed clothing hidden in places. She knew it was wrong, but still did it! If we had to take her in the car anywhere, seriously, we would put down one of those large trash bags with a towel over it and made her sit on it! I didn't care if it embarrassed her...I had hoped it did so maybe she would stop. Wasn't about to have her pee the seats in our car! This was when she was as old as 8!!
I've found out the HARD way
I've found out the HARD way that there is no such thing as the "perfect man" with bad kids.
The "bad kids" come from bad PARENTS so that means that logically there is a MAJOR defect in the "bad kid's" so-called PERFECT father.
Watch your back and I totally agree with the other posters. Do not live together under ANY circumstance until the kid ages out (meaning when he reaches the BIG 4-0)
Keep in mind some kids NEVER age out and that is usually a DIRECT consequence of the lack of parenting.
RARELY is it all one one parent. In my case BOTH parents are terrible. The BM is a BFFer and control freak. The dad is a roll over type and scared shitless of the BM (not a desirable quality) but yet has NO PROBLEM standing up and asserting himself to ME i.e. biting the hand that FEEDS him.
Don't you dare do it. Just
Don't you dare do it. Just DON'T. There are two SDs as well? Oh dear Lord......NO. I have an SD19 and an SD13. The SD19 is away at college and only here 4 months out of the year, but we all walk on eggshells around her. DH is only JUST starting to see the light. I fear that she has a degree of BPD, as she is extremely defiant when asked to do the most mundane thing i.e. "Move your clothes out of the dryer SD19, so we can move our wet clothes over." She flat-out told DH NO, she didn't want to do it right now and would do it "later." It was 9:30pm at night and I knew I would be home from work the next day, wanting to do laundry, and all of her crap would be in there. DH put her in her place on THAT occasion, albeit very "gently" so as not to set her off any further. Narcissistic, enabled bitch.
BM was a control freak and did everything, therefore the SDs never learned to do anything for themselves and are now clueless, naive, immature, juvenile and ENTITLED. You mention your SS peeing in the tub, and yes while that is extremely disrespectful, my concern with him would be the defiance and BPD. You just can't mess with that. I have learned by reading on here that you can't win when arguing with a BPD. They will throw everything back in your face, which is exactly what SD19 did regarding her laundry that night and on many other occasions.
SD19 even "growled" and gritted her teeth at DH when she was 14. DH simply asked her to take her dinner plate from the table and put it in the dishwasher! She slammed it into the sink and scraped her food off, and then very roughly slammed it into the dishwasher. As she whirled on her heels to exit the room she growled and gritted her teeth at DH, making this high screeching sound of frustration. I wanted to put her head through the damn drywall. Let her scream in THERE. All the while DH sat there calmly watching all of this. This was back during our EOWE phase, when BM was still alive. Upon seeing this, I stood up and blocked SD19's path from the kitchen. I said to her, "You little BITCH. Don't you EVER address your father like that AGAIN!" She whirled past me and went down to the basement. I yelled after her to stay down there, and not to come up until she could treat her father with some respect! That was the first time I disciplined her stupid ass.
Fucking DH went downstairs not 5 minutes later to console SDthen14 as she sobbed on his shoulder. Yeah.
It's been 5 years and although we don't get the tantrums as much, we get the drama, the attitude, the defiance...all depending on which way the wind is blowing, and it's NEVER her fault that she's in the mood she's in. SD19 even threw a tantrum a year ago before Thanksgiving dinner was to be served at our house. She decided to run on the treadmill, get all sweaty and then think she could sit at my nice holiday table. I sent DH to go tell her she had to shower. She SCREAMED at DH and then curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing in the basement. We went to a restaurant this past Thanksgiving, needless to say. I will never cook for that bitch again.
I need to read more about what my rights are as an SM and owner of my home, to be able to throw her ass out. She gets snarky and I have been speaking up more lately. Your SO is not helping the situation at all, and he is probably walking on eggshells with SS15, as we all do with SD19. Believe me, 18 is NOT a magic number. These skids hang around because they are enabled, entitled and helpless to grow up and fly on their own. SD19 is like Jekyl and Hyde. She seems sweet and a little on the quiet side at the few family gatherings we have had, and I try to explain to my parents what a beast she is behind closed doors. MY father used to tell me to "leave her alone." He has changed his tune with the stories I've had of late, regarding the primadonna. YSD13 has declared she wants to be a boy, and acts about 7 now. She is extremely juvenile and naive, and her decision came overnight , back at the start of the school year. DH and I are still trying to figure her out, too. If it's legit or just a cry for attention.
THEY ARE NOT WORTH IT. What I wouldn't give to have this chapter of my life over already. I'm in my mid-40s and want to enjoy myself and my DH, but BM passed away 2 years ago, and it's been one fucked-up ride with the skids FULL-TIME.
But I am getting stronger. }:) OK, time to let the blood pressure come back down. DON'T do it.
~ Moon
Wow..thanks for sharing your
Wow..thanks for sharing your story with me moon....It sounds extremely frustrating on your end. I get that they are "children" who need help and when people are quick to point out whats best for the kid, I feel guilty for wanting them out of the home polluting our living environment with negative and entitled energy...(but I would love them to try living in our shoes for a week and I guarantee, they would change their mind and side with us).
SO didn't help at the time because I guess we couldn't believe it was him....but I felt like it was. So when I found pee again...same place....I KNEW it was him but couldn't bring myself to tell him off as he was only visiting for the night. Im going to have to make myself deal with shit like this myself and not wait for SO to parent as Its my house and what he did to my house was disrespectful. When it happened last time (18 months ago) there was a reference made to his grandpa as this is the sort of behaviour he does and he is now in a nursing home because of poor living skills. SS15 may think this is normal behaviour? I don't know or care...NO ONE including SS is pissing in my bath in the future and leaving it there to congeal. I will confront him more head on myself if it ever happens again (but he is rarely here so we will see what happens.)
Hey, peeing in the shower is
Hey, peeing in the shower is a very common thing. However, usually only when one is showering. Peeing in a dry shower is just gross.
Hey, I attended a military
Hey, I attended a military boarding school. The stories I could tell about peeing in the shower incidents.... Not me of course.
A number of years ago I actually had to fire two guys for peeing on another guy’s leg in the crew shower at work. It was all I could do not to laugh at the ridiculousness through the entire termination process particularly while their Union rep was trying to justify their continued employment based on seniority. Apparently the Union policy was that if you are senior enough it is okay to pee on junior guys in the shower.
Raising a sheepish hand. {red
Raising a sheepish hand. {red faced}
Thanks Sueu2...you clearly
Thanks Sueu2...you clearly did not read my response post half way up this page....I love the fact you seem to have a propensity to jump straight in and go for the jugular....minus any support or suggestions, just vitriol. This seems to be your "style"? Just tell 'em how it really is as far as you can see that is.
I am in therapy for myself (have been for a while) to help me navigate and make sense of whats right for me in my life. I truly see the issues as Ive been there observing what my SO is dealing with for nearly 5 years (but I don't have to deal with...I never needed to engage or help or what ever as he does all the parenting). I see his son has many issues....due to his upbringing from BOTH parents but mainly from being abandoned on numerous occasions by his BM and she recently plastered a RO on her own son. Classy! Its all game playing on her part and illustrates her NBPD. SS15 has similar traits and without help, will turn out to be as nasty as his mother. But that's not my job to worry about. All I can do is control me and what happens in my life.
I lamented earlier on in this post about being together for nearly 5 years and how do others manage to nourish and maintain a positive, viable, stable relationship when they aren't able to grow and live together like most couples do over time?? I said we were discussing moving forward and he knows my concerns. Ive been very honest. Im still not convinced its the right thing to do, hence its not in concrete regarding whats happening with us. But we are talking ad hashing it out; and I feel frustrated that we are not able to share our lives together but BM can.