I have no clue.

As I am older (70) I've seen several parents deal with developmentally challenged children - but things like Down Syndrome, CP, etc. The most successful parents have worked their tails off to make sure that their children had a future without them - even if it entailed group homes, etc.

Good parents strive for their children to have the best life possible (on their own) even if they have mental or physical challenges. One of my best friends for the past 40 years has a son with Down Syndrome. He is a delightful young man at 32. He lives alone (subsidized apartment with a life coach) and has held the same job for several years. He also volunteers to help others.

Another friend had a son with extreme CP mental and physical issues. He lived in a group home that provided lots of services and activity. He had a job and loved his life. He visited family on weekends. Went "golfing" with his brother every weekend (rode in the cart) and was beloved by many. We was missed by many when he died at 60.

But these non disabled entitled snowflakes that are just slugs - yuck.

first things first - your name made me go :jawdrop: cause I first read it as SuperStripper.....
second glance I got it right.

Know exactly what you are talking about and I giggle every day... I think it's normal for children to dream way above their life, I let them dream and I think... that's right little girl dream on, the higher the dream the harder the fall and I will not be there picking up the broken pieces....

I'm there to ensure SO will not be supporting her for life, if you are old enough to drink, have sex and disrespect people you are old enough to make the bed you choose to sleep in...

Well, I am there now with SD26 and SS23.....They become depressed, aimless, unmotivated adults. Their primary goal seems to be convincing the enablers in their lives to carry on supporting them. Good thing both these kidults don't live with us and they are currently sponging off and living with BM. Both step kids work part time, minimum wage jobs and spend whatever money they make on partying, cigarettes, booze and toys. Neither has ever paid for the necessities of life...like rent, food, medical, clothing or most of the non-necessities like cell phones, vacations, internet, furniture......and on and on. Very sad.

I was thinking the same thing this morning. Ive watched for 3 loooooong years while SD17 had been enabled so that she was not required to lift a finger. The excuse was always "I can a better job in half the time", and I keep thinking, "well teach her better, so that when she gets a job, she will DO better!!!!" SD17 hasn't had a job, and couldn't hold her first real job for more than 2 weeks at 1 day/week.

Ugh. I am seeing the same thing played out with the SD10 - who is almost 11. She gets away with not doing her own dishes, while SD17 has FINALLY GOTTEN IT THROUGH HER THICK HEAD that she needs to do her own dishes. And complains because she doesn't like her FREE cold lunch, so what kind of snack food can she bring with her (she is borderline obese). So I suggested she do like she did last year, and make her own sandwiches. Crickets chirped. I think she stopped making her own lunch because it was "too much work". And I even bought her a lunch box that everyone at school really liked (back when I was enthusiastic and eager to please and was willing to invest...) This one doesn't shower unless told to, also.

I am not cracking down right now, because I have decided that my SO needs to deal, and I don't want anymore arguments with SO. I am enmeshed in taking care of myself, working out almost every day, buying my healthy foods, preparing my own healthy foods...which no one is allowed to touch.

But I know it is going to bite him in the A$$ hard and deep, when he has to deal with 2 helpless, selfish, whining, complaining children that HE helped raise and are part of HIS DNA. He is a very hardworking man, and likes things clean, neat and organized. His EX is a sloppy, slobby, unhealthy, b!tch of a woman, and I hate that the children are becoming more like her every day and less like him. Of course, as we have learned, it is the fault of BOTH PARENTS... sigh.

And this is why it is so darn important to "step" back, take a breath and move forward in our own lives, with our own nest eggs. And also why it is important to have a strong spine...as well as b@lls of steel.

I keep reminding myself. These girls don't have much of an example on how to be a real woman, what that means. They don't GET that being independent will bring joy, and pride. All the positives to making efforts and having a good productive life, they don't see, beyond what they are currently in, currently experiencing.

To answer the question, you must first look at the parent who has the most time and influence on the child. AND look at that parents, parents, Aunt's Uncles etc.

reposting this, maybe someone can answer it-

It's this, this is the obvious answer. How they have any self respect having elderly people support them and still having to go to work while they don't, is truly beyond me. I started paying for things at 15.

Now, the question I want answered is, how did this become a "thing"? WHY are middle-aged and elderly people WILLING to do this, especially when THEY didn't get to and they have to know it will be a shitty life in general for the adult kids.

I've been curious for years as to the "why" behind it all.

My answer is.... it depends. My Skid could easily have gone the way of the incapable snowflake if his mom and I had not assumed a parenting strategy that shifted from caring support to launch focused preparation for him to be self supporting. It became pretty clear when he was in his mid teens that he was not going to grow up adequately by the time he was through with high school to function successfully unless we changed out strategy. At that point we decided that our job was to get his diploma in hand and then give him a very limited number of options for progressing into viable adulthood with the focus on him finishing growing up on his own dime in his own time. That included a fully funded college education studying what we chose for him to study, getting a job and working full time while living at home, or ..... launching. He was self aware and mature enough to assert to his mom and I that he was not ready for college and that it would be a waste of his time and our money. Over the next couple of months he demonstrated that he was not interested in getting a job so is mom and I worked him to daily exhaustion as our live in beck and call boy and chore bitch. We worked that kids butt off.

After several months of scrubbing, cleaning, vacuuming, moping, dusting, washing, folding, slicing, dicing, chopping, cooking, etc.... It worked. He is finishing up his first 6yr USAF enlistment and just re-enlisted for 4 more years with the intent of making the USAF his career.

He has made amazing strides in maturing and developing himself as a reliable professional and viable adult. He is still ~4yrs behind the maturity curve in some areas (IMHO) but he is navigating that journey pretty well for himself.

It was not easy or entirely pleasant getting him through HS and then out on his own to start living his own life but we navigated that process with the focus and intent of getting him to where he needed to be to figure the rest out on his own.

Far too many parents these days won't actually parent, have no established standards of behavior or performance for their kids and raise offspring that are largely incapable of entertaining themselves, providing their own motivation, and functioning independently... maybe ever.

Sad.

Even more sad is that these waste of skin abject parental failures rarely realize that they are the problem.