Where do I fit in around here?!
I have tried everything...maybe I just need to vent to someone who is not my husband?! I think I'm having issues and have no idea where to turn! I just don't know where I fit in around here. No matter what his ex does, she is still the hero to my step-sons. It drives me crazy!!! (I'm only 27!)
She lives less than a mile from us and when she had the boys while my husband was deployed, he would send money for the boys (16 and 20) but she would lose it, or go to the casino. She actually abandoned them with no working water while my husband was gone. Now he's home and we have the boys. (The older is out of the house thank the lord) We don't ask her for anything. Not a cent...but she still calls and complains about how we're not providing enough for SS16. She just had her second baby and it's driving me crazy how she's always the hero. Does no one see that she ABANDONED them?! I get so anxious...I can't compete with how wonderful they think she is! Her latest complaint was that I don't buy SS16 whole milk -- because he never asked!-- and listen to Christian music which offended him. I'm sorry...but this is a Christian home!
SS16 drives me nuts. I just don't feel like I fit in. I always have to tip-toe around the house. I just hate the drama. I feel like I'm always being compared to her...and she's awful! Maybe I'm jealous? We can't have kids because DH got a vasectomy so he wouldn't get her pregnant any more and now she's having babies? I don't know...I'm all mixed up!!
You can't out mom mom. The
You can't out mom mom.
The only way a SM has a chance of replacing out ranking a BM is if BM is MIA.
He's offended by Christian
He's offended by Christian music and you won't buy whole milk? Those are his complaints....wow. What a big, fat baby. Tell him to call CPS! You keep listening to your Christian music -- don't tip toe around YOUR home -- be big and bold like the disciple Peter! Don't be meek as a mouse in your home -- you don't have to.
And as far as competing with Mom -- you simply can't. My skid's Mom is the Mom from hell. She abandoned them for years, accused my DH of molesting the two girls repeatedly, he's been investigated by the police, took one of the girls in for a rape examination when she was 9 years old, put these kids through hell -- basically did not see these kids for 8 years - still has a full restraining order FOR LIFE that she is not allowed to see the children unless she gets a psyche evaluation -- AND YET -- she waltzes into town 2 weeks ago and these skids wanted to see her and kicked me to the curb like I was dog crap.
I have been there for them since 2007 - 100%. Where has she been? No where to be seen -- yet I'm crap in my own home. They take the anger that they have towards their mother, out on me. I'm on the verge of leaving.
There is nothing you can do to compete -- unfortunately. They will always have a complaint -- you can bend over backwards and they still will find a reason to complain. Be yourself and do what you would normally do, and you'll save yourself a lot of heart ache.
BTW -- if my skids were offended by my listening to Christian music -- it would not stop me. You go girl!
Sage, this is one of those
Sage, this is one of those times when you have to just say "screw it" and relax.
You will never be as wonderful or beautiful or anything as their mother, no matter what she did... it's just a fact of life. But, you will be THE LADY in your DH's life, and you will build a wonderful life with him, and if his kids are open to you, you may eventually be someone they realize cared about them and offered them support.... but maybe not. It's totally their choice, and nothing you can do will change that. If they choose to block you from their life, it's their loss.
Be yourself- you are wonderful. If you are feeling generous, post a list pad on the fridge, and let everyone in the household know that if they want or need a grocery item, they can write it on that list.
But really, if you worry about every petty thing they complain about, it just invites them to make up more complaints. Set a boundary for yourself, your actions, and your behaviors..... you have your path to walk, and your bundle to carry..... be sure you don't burden yourself with someone else's bundle.
Hang in there!
Sadly I was just asking this
Sadly I was just asking this same exact question. We don't ever fit in. You won't ever be anything close to the candle they hold for their mom. And everything RIGHT that you do do they will find fault in. Serious to God this will happen. Last year I took a half day from work and took my SD17 and my daughter shopping for the day. Well SD17 discovered I had taken it as a sick day. So then in turn she told her dad I was a liar. And how could he love a liar.
So nope I don't think we ever fit in. I don't do anything for her anymore. And I refuse to. In fact after this past week I am pretty sure I won't be doing anything for any of them anymore. I am done being treated like the carpet.