I'm sorry but I just dont feel the need to go buy someone a present that I dont have a relationship with.

No it doesn't make you horrible and your feelings matter. Don't apologize for how you feel. If you're going this route make sure to stay consistent. You don't have a relationship with her so don't feel obligated. She has her parents and they provide what she needs.

No - if DH wants you represented, he can write "From Dad and SM" on his gift.  No need to buy your own. 

I get my bonus kids gifts because I WANT to. No one makes me. I also do have a bond with them but even before the bond formed I wanted to get them things. If you don't want to then don't. I do like the idea of still getting her a small card and if she asks why she didn't get something you can explain that you don't feel she cares about your relationship and unless it improves that's how it will be.

One thing to keep in mind though is that at 14 hiding in her bedroom isn't odd. Look at the reationship she has with other adults around her.

I have never bought my skids a birthday gift. And I certainly wouldn't buy ANOTHER gift for someone who could not be bothered to thank me for the last gift I bought. 

Your DH needs to handle gift buying for his kid. Period.

No, it wouldn't be bad.  I have not bought my SDs gifts for the last 6 yrs -  they always ignore my birthday and never seemed to appreciate the gifts I chose so carefully.  Now I just sign the cards DH buys for them. 

All gifts are from dad & chmmy since we got married. There is no way Im buying gufts for them anymore. I also told my mom to stop giving them $50 gift cards for birthdays and christmas. The girls dont speak to them at family gatherings. Thats $400 a year on the 4 kids. They can get the little skids presents if they want because they at least half appreciate it. but $50 is too much. The girls hav e not once acknowledged a gift from my parents

So far, I have always given SD7 bday and Xmas gifts, but I put a hard cap on the amount I spend. Also, someone can tell me if this is bad, but I buy gifts with an ulterior motive. I tend to buy gifts, like arts and crafts or projects, that she can work on independently. Not always successful, but the intent is to buy more time to myself. Reading the other comments, I wonder if it's too late to just slap my name on presents from her dad from now on, bc that seems like a great idea. The precedent has been set that she's been getting separate gifts from us, and I know there's no rule, but ugh, I just don't want to have to deal with any aftermath of changing the status quo.

Before marriage, even though we lived apart and miles away my DH would always add my name to his gifts to his children, since marriage I purchase the gifts just because I’m thrifty and can buy more with the $$ than if I leave DH to go shopping alone...bad idea.

since we have been married, we haven’t had any complaints with the gifts Xmas, bdays, other holidays etc. and both of our names go on the cards. 

We get thank yous at the moment sometimes over text but I think this generation doesn’t do thank you cards? I don’t know why?!

we do not give cash!! Lol

We actually have one bday coming up soon, since my disengagement I’m still tempted to go buy the gift mostly because DH can be quite a spender. 

In the past I went overboard for Christmas and Birthday gift buying but then as I learned that she is just a person who wants things but doesn't really care about any of it, I don't plan on getting her anything for her b-day even if she comes around. No more, done spending money on an entitled unappreciative brat

birth to any of my 3 skids as they aren’t pleasant or respectful. Heck they don’t wish a happy birthday to their dad so why should i. At the most with ss is hubby buys dessert at a restaurant 

to comfort op, remember that people buy presents for people they like or respect. You aren’t respectful or pleasant then guess what, don’t keep your hopes up for pressies

You are not horrible.  I got my SS’s gift early on in the relationship only to have them ignore the gift, ignore me or just rudely complain they didn’t like the gift.  I stopped buying for them several years ago.  DH is their father, he can buy for them if he wants.   MSS used to say one of the reasons he didn’t like me was because I didn’t buy him random presents all the time.  His current stepparent did and does this and bought his allegiance.   I refuse to buy for rude nasty kids.   Now the oss and MSS are starting to see that I buy things for YSS whenever I feel like it.  Because he appreciates it and is a good kid.  I buy him clothes for school and summer.  Nothing crazy.  They see I will spend. Indy in him.  I would think they would see had they treated me decent I would have done the same for them but I doubt they are that self aware!

nice gifts for their bdays and Christmas but they never appreciate it and then they now only want cash. This ain't the First National Bank of rlz0073. So I don't do anything anymore. Not worth the thought... 

In May she graduated from what?  There are only two primary graduations.  High school and post high school (University, Trade School, Military Basic Training).  Grad school is also a graduation worthy of celebration.

What does a 14yo graduate from worthy of celebration?

As for B-day gifts.  Gifts are dependent on behavior. If she has been a shit. Give her a card. If she has been a well behaved kid performing well in her responsibilities, give her a more significant gift.

I’ve learned my lesson the hard way just recently.  Wish I would have seen this post before I gave my unappreciative SS14 any money for his birthday.  The kid never said thank you or even looked at me.  Just took the money and went on about his day.  I haven’t spoken to him since his birthday which was a week and a half ago.  I should have known better than to give him anything after he lost the money I gave him this past Christmas.  Just not worth it at all!

YOu are not horrible_To gift or not to gift has been a dilemma of mine over the years as well! Mainly because I would never receive a  Thank You or sign of appreciation, even after going over-board with presents. But also because I barely get a Happy Birthday out of the mouth of SD on my bday-and we have been together for many of them! I'm lucky she even looks in my direction or refers to me in any way. She also does not get cards or gifts for my DH unless I've gotten something and let her sign it! Another reason I am so blessed that she never actually lived with us! dodged a bullet there I'm here to report So don't worry or even feel guility at all you are doing the right thing! 

Same here. SD turns 15 in four days. I didn’t get her a gift last year simply because she is not kind to me.

her sense of entitlement.

Buy yourself something for putting up with her nastiness.

I do not think your are wrong.  I decided to do the same.  SD has gotten gifts for christmas and birthday but refuses to even so much as shoew up for birthday cake for myself or my 2 kids.  So here it goes, I am through wasting my money on an ungrateful witch tat then gives what my SO and I have bought her to her BM and the BM disposes of it never to be seen again.(even expensive items just because we bough them).  Don't waste your money because no matter what you do it will never be good enough for someone that only cares about themself.

Why would you get her something separately from your husband anyway? You and he are a unit - so your name should go on whatever he gets her.