Wow, My SD is Perfect? WTF?
I have just been informed that my SD "is perfect." Her dad delighted me with this yesterday. I can't seem to wrap my head around it. Here is how the conversation started
DH: Did (my DD12) feed the dogs this morning because they were following [him] around?
Me: Yes, you might want to ask your daughter (my SD15) if she let them out afterwards.
DH: Don't need to
Me: ?
DH: She (SD15) always takes care of the dogs, she lets them out every morning before school.
Me: Oh right, she's perfect
DH: Yep, pretty much
Really? REALLY?? Your Daughter, your 15 yo Daughter is on birth control for the sake of controlling birth, HELLO??? For no other medical reason, she was sexually intimate with boys at 14, sneaking out of her friends houses to meet up with boys at 14, of course she pays no consequences for her actions, but she is PERFECT! He wants to make me think she goes and does chores on her free will when I know damn well he is texting her and asking her to do it. And don't even get me started with his 17 yo son.
Yet, he continually puts me two girls down, they never do anything right, they never do anything around the house... Well, both of my daughters attend an honors school and play competitive soccer and all three of us are gone from 7:30 in the morning until 8:30-9:00 at night then they have a lot of rigorous homework, showers and a light dinner. Where do you see the time for chores in that? His daughter gets home at 4, sits on her a$$ and does nothing but text (sext?), watch tv and play on the computer. She is certainly not cleaning the house.
I have really had it. I have started browsing real estate ads. However, I promised my daughter that we would not move from our house for at least 10 years (its only been 5). I dont want to break a promise, I dont want to be unhappy, I dont want them to be unhappy, I dont know what I am going to do. Right now, I don't talk to either my skids or my DH unless I have to. Ugh! FML
At the time you made the
At the time you made the promise in good faith that if things continued as they were you wouldn't move for 10 yrs.
However things have NOT remained the same and life has deteriotated into this mess.
Put it this way, if your daughter's school became really bad and their safety and education were suffering, would you move them to a better school?
Look for a new place to live. His remark sounds VERY much like a man being dismissive and trying to shut you down. He is making himself the leader of the conversation.
So change to game plan and rules. No snotty remarks about his daughter. Nothing. Then he can't lead the conversation. If he makes a remark about your daughters just smile at him and walk away. IF he gets on your daughters about something they didn't do just tell the girls "Come on, lets get out fo here for a while."
And move out before they return to school in August/Sept.
if you break a promise to
if you break a promise to your child for her benefit she'll understand later don't focus so much on that, but getting you guys out of a bad situation
Me: Oh right, she's
Me: Oh right, she's perfect
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Ok, this won't be popular....but what on earth did you expect when you said this. This sounds like a blatant attempt to start a fight on your part.
What did you expect him to say?
We've been down this road
We've been down this road before. He implied that he did not need to ask whether his daughter did something because she ALWAYS does what she is supposed to do and I should ask my daughter whether she did what she was supposed to do because they are not as good as his daughter. This is not the first conversation of this kind. It was just the last straw where I let it fly. If he were to say it to me, my response would be, a logical, "no, they are not perfect." They are kids, teenagers. That is what I would have expected. Not some pompous BS
IDK, if my dh sarcastically
IDK, if my dh sarcastically said my kids were perfect I would say no I dont think so.
I agree. But my point is,
I agree. But my point is, that her SD could be the worst kid in the world and I am sure her DH knows it...but was there really a good reason for mom2step2, to even make that comment? to me it just seems like a shit starting comment that was totally out of line.
All I am saying Mom2step, is
All I am saying Mom2step, is that maybe that was not a great thing to say. It seemed like the conversation was going OK, until you made the sarcastic comment.
Just not good for a marriage.
You need to understand this
You need to understand this did not come out of the blue. This is after years of him treating his daughter like a princess and treating mine like Cinderella. His daughter can do absolutely NO wrong in his eyes, but mine get yelled for the tiniest of things. We haven't been getting along for months, this was just the straw that broke me on this issue. Was it uncalled for? Maybe. Do I regret it? Not one bit. I have been wanting to say it for years, but have held back and bit my tongue and bit my lip until it bled, I am always sticking up for my kids because he is always putting them down and I am just sick of it. Then he acts like nothing ever happened.
Willow-if you read further
Willow-if you read further though she does say this is an ongoing thing-he puts her daughters down, and elevates his...so it's not a one time thing. Eventually if it's a point of contention and he's doing this regularly I understand why one would get tired of it and let that comment fly. What he's doing isn't good for the marriage or family IMO.
mom2step2...IMO the biggest
mom2step2...IMO the biggest problem is beyond him thinking his D is perfect, it's the putting your kids down all the time. I would definately not stand for that. Is it possible to find another place to live in the same school district so not everythign changes for them?
What about him moving out? This can't be good for the girls self-esteem. It's like there are two teams...and a house divided amongst itself cannot stand.
Fortunately, we stay busy as
Fortunately, we stay busy as much as we possibly can to keep us out of the house. Their soccer team travels throughout the state on weekends for tournaments and playoffs so it is just me and my girls that go. He actually used to invite SD to go with me and my kids even though he was not going. I made it a point to make it so she would not want to go. During the week, we are gone from early morning until bedtime. But when we are home he finds the time to put them down call them "an ass", his favorite term of endearment, and when I tell him to Stop, he doesn't.
I have looked into real estate in the school district where the girls are at now, it is expensive to rent, may be cheaper to buy, but I have never owned before so that is a little scary for me. I cant talk to anyone about this, so this really sucks...
. But when we are home he
. But when we are home he finds the time to put them down call them "an ass", his favorite term of endearment
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Oh hell no!! DEAL breaker. I usually do not advise divorce or leaving, but no way in hell would this happen in my house to MY kids. EVER. That is abuse and they need out of it today.
Maybe I should give him up
Maybe I should give him up for Lent!
I can tell you the reason she
I can tell you the reason she made that comment... because stuff builds up and sometimes it just comes out. We are adults, yes, but we aren't perfect either.
My husband just went on and on about how my SS12 helped him move some pieces of furniture for our move, and just how amazing that was. I just kept agreeing that it was wonderful with no sarcasm whatsoever! Even when he paid him for it, I just smiled and said it was awesome.
HOWEVER, there are times when things build up and they have to come out. I don't blame her for this comment. I think it's sad that we have to be so careful around our husbands, but any negative comment can be viewed as nagging or being negative. It's hard because we do get to feeling really negative about these skid mark poop stains... I mean skids.