So, ever since my mental breakdown, I've been thinking about some of things that DH said during our fight that were very telling of how he see things. These things also hurt me quite a bit.

The Corona virus has in some way benefit us  I requested DH that his kid stays at BM to avoid any potential spread of the disease in my home and here's a shocker- he agreed! He had ME text BM to let her know of OUR decision,(I think he was afraid to lol) and she didn't fight back once! (Wow)

So I got to spend my whole weekend Skid FREE and we've had a blast together. Not to mention, our anniversary is tomorrow so we get to do all kinds of stuff (at home) together. 

OK, so DH would really like for DS and SS18 and SD13 to have a good relationship. That is happening naturally for SD13 because she is here EOW. 

SS18 is not ever around DS because he is not interested.

The other day I brought up to DH his childhood. He was a skid to a nice man and his mom had THREE skids to deal  with in addition to her three bio children.

DH said his mom was always exceptionally fair growing up and that he had a good childhood. DH says he was OK with his step sibs. They all got along alright.

 I had a talk yesterday with DH about why it is so frustrating to hear him attempt to sell the idea of us to his oldest from his first marriage.  Sometimes I feel like he has the voice of an info commercial announcer as he remarks about DS and I.  It is like DS and I are the fruit of a very inconveniently planted tree in SS18’s life. And DH is trying to get SS18 to see how beautiful the leaves are. Painful to watch.

I may have hurt DH’s feelings, but the words poured out, the question, “Has anyone ever loved your children enough to tell then the truth?”

 The truth about their behavior, about their mother’s lack of a conscience? 

since the last time I was one here I took a step back from trying to be involved, disengaging, it honestly only made the situation worse. DH and I fought about how I don’t care how everything seems fake and the like. So I went to ca last weekend and SD was also gone with BM for the weekend because they had a trip planned. So DH had an entire weekend to figure his side out after we fought about this stuff. But we let SD go with BM This way we could have SD for Halloween since it’s during the week. 

DH loves his DD15 and I love DH. He thinks she is wonderful in every way and I think we all feel that about about our own kids to an extent. I try to see her as he sees her. I seek out the positive traits in her and then hold onto them - sometimes desperately. She is very intelligent. She gets good grades and makes a natural leader. She is quick to defend those who are intellectually disadvantaged from being bullied. She is athletic and good at basketball. She supports her teammates and motivates them to do their best.