P has a 13 year old daughter and I have two children with him, 2 years and 4 months (NM). We split up when I was with baby2, largely due to the stress of his daughter and being in another country with no support network, combined with PND from baby #1. Over the last few months, we have started things up again, secretly and we live apart. SD has no idea we are back together just yet, nor does her BM.

So this blog is almost 10 years overdue with how much drama we deal with, I recently discovered this site and eager to vent out some frustrations hopefully with some like-minded step parents!

This is my first post--I just found StepTalk after searching for counseling. I am so excited to be here! And this is going to be a long post...

Backstory: 

Hi guys. I'm new here. I'm really struggling with my husband and skids. I have two skids plus two of my own children I had with my husband. My kids are 2 and 7 months. My skids are 8 and 4. 

Wow! I wasn't expecting to get so much feedback so soon! Before I go down the route of explaining my background, I'd just like to clarify a few things. Thank you for pointing out that "coexisting" was probably the wrong term to use, but in the future  I'll explain situations where them being near one another may be important. Secondly, I was never married to my ex. We had a child together, that's it. Other than being the mother of my son, she holds no value to me. So when I say wife, she's my 1st and only wife.

Yesterday I had a pretty big meltdown. My stepson was at his orientation for college. Called me and asked me to come down and help him with something. It was an hour walk to the college and when I got there he was walking with the other students to a room to sign up for classes. He walked right past me without saying hello and I asked him how he was doing. He said he didn't need me there after all and he had to go do some other stuff. I told him Id just go ahead and walk home then if he didn't need me and he just walked off without saying thank you or goodbye or anything.

What general advice do you have for separating yourself from that feeling of wanting to right all the wrongs of the seriously dysfunctional BM/BD?  I know its especially difficult if you are/were a conscientious parent with your own biokids.  

Ohh where do I begin. Lol. This may be really long!

Nothing has really changed since my last post. SD goes back and forth from being sweet to being a turd. DH and I haven’t gone over our expectations with her still but she also hasn’t been with us much. She spent her 2 week Winter break with BM and has been a Negative Nancy since. Even to the point that DH has mentioned it to her and doesn’t enjoy being with her when she’s like that. 

I hope that I can obtain some useful tips because I do not know what else to do. My future marriage depends on a solution. My fiance and I have been together over 5 years. We are both divorced, he has five children from his previous marriage and I have one. He is 40 years old and I am 30. His children are 18m, 16f, 14f, 9f twins and my son is 6. I have an extensive background in child development, it is actually my profession. He is in IT. His ex-wife after 15 years of marraige decided she was gay and has remarried.